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It may be time to change the reed if you're losing your tone, FF. I find a Bb clarinet one is quite tuneful, although I am considering an oboe or bassoon double reed for a change.
I have been uncommonly productive of late. Lots and lots of sprouts. Not boiled to death but diced up finely and stir-fried - preserves yet more of the fibre to make one's sphincter suitably sonorous.
Parp!
I have thought of this thread lots over the sprout eating season, and am delighted to see it back. Unfortunately I am having to do a lot of buttock clenching at present rather than letting rip as usual, as I am just getting over a nasty bout of Dand V and am worried about follow through
Mr Face, I wonder if perhaps there may be some benefit to pelvic floor exercises to tune up your sphincter? There may even be a similar but anal-specific set of exercises - surely worth investigating? A good physio ought to be able to advise....
look, i posted during sprout season fat face!!!! no way would i let christmas go by without a comment on this thread!
i thought my poor mother would keel over yesterday. we spent new year's at my parents and had turkey and trimmings for new year's day dinner. sprouts ahoy! i though my mother would throw up, poor woman!!!
Heh, there's a small report in today's Observer about the gorillas at Chessington Zoo being fed a load of sprouts over the festive season ... but they've been taken off the menu because visitors have been complaining about the smell.
The report doesn't say exactly what the smell is, but I'm guessing that the sprouts have been affecting the gorillas in the same way they affect me.
If the apes like their sprouts they should be allowed to tuck in. So a big boo hiss to the zoo.
I'd love to fart but if I had tried over the last 3 days it might have got a bit messy......
I'm looking forward to the day - maybe later today, perhaps tomorrow - I can let rip with a good old stinking blaster......
buttplugs ahoy!!!! (imodium isn't working....
mr tweety tells me if he eats more than a couple of bananas in a day they bung him up FB. my sympathies to you at the lack of ability to trump today.
i had a lovely tea of sausage and mash with onion gravy and sprouts last night. not a good situation now i am in a shared office with two doctors.
i think we should set up a sprout fan club.
mr tweety tells me if he eats more than a couple of bananas in a day they bung him up FB. my sympathies to you at the lack of ability to trump today.
i had a lovely tea of sausage and mash with onion gravy and sprouts last night. not a good situation now i am in a shared office with two doctors.
i think we should set up a sprout fan club.
the story has made the BBC now!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/surrey/7813758.stm
This thread is hilarious. I guff-awed a-plenty as I read it.
I can identify with the windiness of the Christmas fayre. Our house was alive with the sound and smell of a three-piece orchestra for well over a week. It's funny how the perpetrator of an attrocity (I own up to being a prime culprit, especially after cooked onions) can instantly regress to their childhood and find such rudery so hilarious. Age is no barrier.
Hear Hear BritNick. Farters of the World Unite. That's what I reckon.
This mornings rendition was "The Dance of the Barking Spiders". It was a little off key in places but I shall work on that during the day.
as i type, i am wearing a tshirt that says 'the world flatulence championships 191, three year champion.' pure class.
trumping has been a bit tentative at the casa del tweety since thursday as both i and mini tweety have had a tummy bug
normal service will hopefully be resumed as we are feeling a bit better today and are going round to grandma tweety's for sunday lunch (hopefully if we dont' have any clean up situations tonight
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/7984554.stm
saw this at the weekend and thought of this thread. made me chuckle more than the average sports report.
I was awful in my 10 miler yesterady
sadly , immodium made then Pheepers
This copied from another thread, with thanks (or apologies) to the originator:
I used to work behind a bar and one night one of the regulars started complaining of chest pains. He went all sweaty and looked really ill. Someone called an ambulance. The ambulance came. He let out a mahoooosive fart and felt better. He thought he was having a heart attack, turns out he had trapped wind!
Ah yes, been there and had that ...
Mr Methane was on Britains Got Talent on Saturday evening and he got voted off, Simon Cowell describing him as "a disgusting creature". How very dare he.
Just for any newbies to this thread:-
I'm a performing flatulist.
A huge thanks for that, FF! I don't watch that programme so I missed my hero.
You've made my day!
Nearly 4 months and not a single parp added to this thread. Disgraceful.
A couple of weeks ago a work colleague told me a good story relating to his schooldays. He was suspended from school for a week for what was described in the letter home to his parents as "persistant flatulence". He said it was not really the amount of flatulence rather than the manner of the flatulence. Apparently he dropped his trousers, pressed his backside against the hard plastic school seat, spread his buttocks and let rip.
Some teachers have no sense of humour have they.
actually maybe that wasn't breath.......
have to say that I let rip with most humungous satisfying ripper in a recent race - one of those that makes you smile broadly and wonder how you can expel so much fart in one go - great shame I was on my own at the time so there was nobody there to appreciate such guffiness........
parp on peeps......
My 15 month old daughter has started farting really loudly recently.
For some reason, she thinks it's hilarious. Especially if you are changing her nappy at the time, and she farts on your hand.
Niice.
A friend of mine used to cup his hands and catch one then release the air biscuit in his girlfriend's face. How to keep your relationship alive...
My god this thread is soooo funny, have been reading snippets all day and laughing out loud... good job I was home alone otherwise my kids would think I was mad.... How do you relay your hilarity to them (although they think farting is extremely funny, especially when v. smelly)...
Keep up the good work
PARRRRRRRRRRP
taste lovely roasted or as a soup but are probably the most fartacious vegetable known to man ..........
looking forward to some "choke chuff"
phhhhhhrrrpppp