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So picture the scene….…. I’ve had a bad day at work and I’ve got an hour to spare before I have to collect my son. What do I do? Yep; I plug my IPod in, get changed and get the trainers on and go out for a slow run round the town. I’m slowly pounding away on the pavement, pleased with how it is going; my heart rate is where it’s supposed to be for a change and my breathing feels good. Now I hadn’t run this particular route before but know the area basically… my route took me right round the ring road and briefly out into a park beside a school (furthest point out) before coming back through an industrial estate, up a hill and down the other side by a busy main road/dual carriage way to the car park where my car was and where I had to collect my son.
So anyway I’m plodding along listening to some tunes and conversing with the fairies in my head, when as I ran (jogged slowly!) round the corner into the park when I was viciously attacked by what felt like an octopus. I start flailing around madly trying to get this thing off of me. My headphones slip out of my ears and I can hear manic laughing from what sounded like every direction. It turns out that I’d run into a low hanging tree and got caught in the branches just after all the skids got kicked out of the school next door to the park. They were now standing around in big groups laughing at my misfortune. Now as I had been in my own little world chatting with my fairies it took a second for me to twig (sorry!) what was going on. However that was after I’d freed myself from the evil clutches of the branches and fallen flat on my arse, ripping my capris exposing my ample butt cheeks in the process.
Now I always go commando when running as can’t bear the chaffing but I had never considered what I would do in this situation; I mean who would plan for having their fat arse on show for the entire world to see and they’re 5k away from their car?! Unfortunately I didn’t have anything with me that I could tie around my waist to cover said exposed buttocks so just decided to leg it back as quick as I could (which for me is actually very slow!) with the rather deluded thought of how many people would notice eh?! So off I run….. Head down, face bright red from embarrassment, frayed ends of my capris fluttering in the wind and a cold breeze swirling around my derriere ….. Oh the shame!
Well on the plus side I now have a new PB for the 5km and if I had a pound for every beep or comment shouted at me during that run then I probably would have been able to drown myself in champagne last night!
So now I have to move town, change my name and buy Kevlar running capris to prevent this from happening again.
Oh and I also have a massive bruise on my right arm which the OH says looks like a purple nipple.
Don’t think I’ll be running tonight… :S