Wedding Present

RedjeepRedjeep ✭✭✭

My brother's getting married next week and as both he and his future trouble and strife have their own homes they've asked for cash rather than presents.

Does anybody have an idea what's considered the right sort of amount to give? I live in Ireland and there's pretty much a flat rate of €250, maybe more if you're a close relative.

Comments

  • I would never give any relative any amount like that.......but then i don't have large amounts of money..........

    so i would expect that it would depend on your personal finances ....money is a strange thing to ask for......if they have all that they want then why ask for more.....

  • The right sort of amount to give is always the amount you can afford to give.

  • How much is a toaster these days? expecting anything above this is just plain cheek 

  • Mr PuffyMr Puffy ✭✭✭

    my,colleague got married recently we gave them £50 in John Lewis vouchers.

  • RedjeepRedjeep ✭✭✭

    Fair enough. I don't expect that they're expecting anything like that, its just that in Ireland its pretty much a flat rate (bloody Celtic Tiger) and I didn't know if it was the same in the UK (its been a while).

  • WombleWomble ✭✭✭

    They might just as well sell tickets. That way if you can't afford it, you don't go. A flat rate/going rate seems a bit of a liberty to me. Tell them you're making a donation to charity instead.

  • €250 sounds a bit steep.

    I've given up to £ 100 at most but frankly I make an eye watering amount of money and I'd expect more like £ 50.

  • A "flat rate" - where do these stupid bloody ideas come from? 

    Surely the only two factors are how close you are to the couple and how much you can afford to give?

  • I was thinking more like £50 unless it was for a favourite member and I felt i could afford more.....

    there again i have never given my children more than a £20 present for their birthdays until they were 17 .........whilst others seem to have ipads etc for a routine birthday

  • I tend to work on £50 for a whole day wedding and £25 for evening only invites but it has been more for a very good friend (and less for somebody I hardly knew, could not work out why I was invited unless it was for donation purposes).  But it entirely depends on how much you can afford.  I am sure the couple would hate to think that you're giving more than you can afford.

  • He's asked for cash? That seems a bit of a cheek. Give him 50p and tell him to be satisfied.

  • Hog-mouseHog-mouse ✭✭✭

    I wouldn't give £250. If I was loaded and £250 was pocket change then I might but I'm not. 

    I think £50 is reasonable for someone I liked a lot though £10 would fit my budget better. Don't like giving money, far prefer to give a gift.

    I had some wonderful presents at my wedding, starting from 2 tubes of orange smarties image . It's not the value of the gift it's the thought that went into it.

  • I've quite often gone to weddings where the couple has asked for cash, and to be honest, I'd rather give cash than just clinically pick something off a wedding gift list*.

    Like TP, my rule of thumb would be about £50 for an all-day invite and £20 - £25 for an evening do. Perhaps a bit more for a close relative, but my sister has yet to get herself married!

    Edited to clarify* - Actually, I'd much prefer to give a gift, but most people now give out a wedding list that's so specific you don't actually need to put any thought into it... and it sems a bit frowned upon to use your imagination and go off-list.

     

  • I never give cash, vouchers yes or I have done a couple of payments to Trailfinders for honeymoons.  asking for cash I think is far too clinical but maybe thatis just me.

    i am just doing a note to go in with my wedding invites saying no gifts as we do not need anything and quite a few are travelling a fair distance. Now if somebody put that in an invite I abide by it but I have already ahd a couple of people say they will be giving a gift and what do we want .... 

  • @Tickled Pink - vouchers are no better than cash.  To buy vouchers you take money (that you can spend anywhere) and exchange it for money of the same value that you can spend in limited stores.  Vouchers are, on the whole, pointless.

  • I think giving cash seems too clinical, too TP.  I would be uncomfortable with giving cash.  I think I'd just buy them a gift!

    I certainly wouldn't ask people to give money if I ever get married again!

  • I wouldn't give cash .... the whole idea of the 'wedding gift' is to help the new couple kit out their new love-nest. Its not a part of the actual wedding itself so if they already have their new home kitted out, then why should you feel'honour bound' to stump up anything, especially cold cash ... all seems just a little too cynical to me.

  • That said.....I have a favourite niece getting married this year.........she and her partner already have kids.......they hadn't done a wedding list yet.......but I know they do not have lots of money so I have already given her a cash pressie now so that if she wants she can spend it on nice outfits for the kids or towards her own dress etc.........seemed more sense that buying them another toaster.......

  • The idea of a cash gift being somehow unseemly is quite a Western idea isn't it?

    In Indian and other Asian cultures, money is considered the most thoughtful and considerate gift to give.

     

  • And Greek weddings, they pin it on the bride's dress.

  • we know people who got married before moving overseas and requested money instead of things because of course it saved money on shipping costs.

  • RedjeepRedjeep ✭✭✭

    Thanks everyone, but just to be clear nobody (certainly not my brother or his future wife) have suggested the £250 figure. My comment was that this was the norm over here in Ireland where I live and I just didn't know if it was the same in the UK. Obviously not.

    The last wedding I went to in the UK was my own, and that was a long time ago. I expect that I'll be giving a much more modest sum.

     

  • JindaleeJindalee ✭✭✭
    I would also think something like ??50. It is not too unusual in Germany for the couple to ask for money rather than presents. It prevents them ending up with like 3 toasters ( or other things) and most couples use the money (or part of it) to pay for the wedding. Some guests get creative with the way they present the money to make it less awkward and fold it into flowers,animals etc. this link shows some examples



    http://www.basteln-gestalten.de/geldgeschenke



    ...sorry its in German as I could not find an English site but there are plenty of pics



    you could make them a "weeding cake"image



    http://www.basteln-gestalten.de/geldgeschenk-hochzeit
  • Juliefrazz wrote (see)

    The idea of a cash gift being somehow unseemly is quite a Western idea isn't it?

    In Indian and other Asian cultures, money is considered the most thoughtful and considerate gift to give.

     

    +1 for the sentiment. I don't understand the reluctance to give cash? No matter how much thought goes into a gift it is often not what someone wants so is pointless!

    Forgot to add - £30 - £50 sounds about right.

  • Present giving is a bit selfish when you look at it isn't it, you want to give them something that they will remember you by, but it must be something of your choice

  • RedjeepRedjeep ✭✭✭

    My brother did ask me for a Cervelo S5 as a wedding present but I reminded him that's meant to be for both of them...

  •  
    Jindalee wrote (see)
    I would also think something like ??50. It is not too unusual in Germany for the couple to ask for money rather than presents. It prevents them ending up with like 3 toasters ( or other things) and most couples use the money (or part of it) to pay for the wedding.

    Don't you have wedding lists in Germany?

  • JindaleeJindalee ✭✭✭
    I always hear that couples would like money, to pay for the wedding or honeymoon etc. as they have everything for the house already but I am sure some have got a wedding list. I am not sure I could think of enough things to put on a wedding list if I would ever get married.
  •  

    Bruce C wrote (see)

    I wouldn't give cash .... the whole idea of the 'wedding gift' is to help the new couple kit out their new love-nest. Its not a part of the actual wedding itself so if they already have their new home kitted out, then why should you feel'honour bound' to stump up anything, especially cold cash ... all seems just a little too cynical to me.

    I've got a lot of friends getting married in the next year, the majority have sent very politely worded requests for monetary gifts because they don't yet have a house to kit out with wedding presents! I expect that this will become more common as you need a 10-25% deposit for a mortgage.

    I think its all about how you ask for things. The invites I've received have been along the lines of "we consider you celebrating our wedding with us to be gift enough, but if you would like to give us anything else we would be very grateful for any contribution towards our savings pot for a house deposit". I'd rather give a gift that will be useful than get hung up on choosing something thoughtful, if I wanted to make a thoughtful gesture I'd be more likely to ask them if they needed any help with wedding planning.

    There is so much loopy etiquette around weddings though ... things I'd never have thought to be offended by are apparently big no-nos, so I'm sure that I'll offend all the friends and family when we get married image

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