Not taken seriously

I started running around 8 months ago, at which point I couldn't run for  3seconds without blowing outta my arse. Now I run 5k, 10k and half marathon distances and running my first marathons next year. thing is, when I started all I got was smirks and rolling eyes from my wife and told I'd never stick at it, that is was just a fad, I kinda proved her wrong on that one and she's generally supportive nowadays when I'm doing an event, but thinks I should be doing something different when I'm training...like cleaning the house, washing etc. Now I've mentioned doing triathlon and the smirking and rolling eyes are back, what I never get is told is what a great idea, just that I can hardly swim, why would I want to do triathlon. Anyone else get less than full support? I've entered my first tri event but haven't told her yet as I'll get the tuts and rolling eyes.

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Comments

  • I can hardly swim too - I still manage triathlon.



    Get the marathon out of the way and then enter a triathlon maybe - thats some improvement from nothing.



    (tri is not cheap though - so you may need to factor in presents for her too)
  • Do you still do your share around the house though?

    Your OH is entitled to be less than supportive if you're going off and doing something which gives you enjoyment while she's left with all the chores.

     

  • Give her the hoof then you can concentrate properly on improving your swim stroke image Seriously i have a very understanding wife who realises that endurance sport and challenges are what makes me tick and makes me happy. That said i pill my weight a  with the domestic stuff and also do 80% of the cooking cause she hates it, shes a computer geek which leaves me cold but horses for courses i support her hobby as she does mine i am a lucky chapimage

  • Justplodon, your message made me laugh out loud.  I'm a mum of two, I work full time and my hubby is also not very supportive.  At least your wife, musters up the energy to make some kind of reaction.  When I come back from a run, my husband doesn't say a word.  I've entered into my first London Marathon next year and hubby wasn't too impressed at first.  I did have to sit him down and have a quiet word, as when you're doing all this training, you do need to have a little bit of encouragement from your loved one.   When I'm running home from work he is collecting the kids.  He doesn't ask me how the run went but he has helped me by getting the children.   I call this my silent support!  I suppose your wife is probably doing the house chores whilst you are training, so I can understand why she's not too happy.  I think you and I have something in common in that we are fitness fanatics married to those who are not.  Imagine if she also was into trainig like you and when you both got home from a run, the house was a tip and you had to cook your own dinner!  I agree with Cougie, us women love pressies!  Go and treat her and thank her for supporting you.    I make sure that on a weekend I take the kids to their activies, so my husband can't complain when I disappear for several hours.  He however will just sit and watch tele, as I pay for cleaner anyway!    It's a partnership, give and take.  You just need to make sure you make up for the hours you spend away....I'm sure a pair of shoes will do it...! good luck with your training.

  • justplodon wrote (see)

    she thinks I should be doing something different when I'm training...like cleaning the house, washing etc.

     

    ghost of kittenkat wrote (see)

    That's grounds for a divorce! image

     

    it is indeed.

  • I would say I talked with hubby before I jumped on the HIM ship - about the time it would involve etc.  How his job was to get me to the event in one piece and be all supportive and my job was to work my arse off so I could get to the end image

    We split the cleaning half ways and he does the cooking as he enjoys that and finds it relaxing.   He is just happy I am out of the house and enjoying life and setting myself goals and achieving them.  

    Could you not draw up a training schedule to show her where you will be and what you will be doing so she can plan her time effectively?  Also setting aside a day where no training occurs that is family time is also very healthy image

  • when I first met my wife, she rolled her eyes at me across a bar, I rolled them back.

    i'm here all week

  • it's not that I don't pull my weight, I always do my bit, it's just she isn't sporty at all and the few occasions when she's had a go at something ie zumba, the gym, running, she hasn't stuck at it. I try to fit training in when it'll have the least impact, like first thing in the morning after a night shift but that doesn't always work. she is supportive when I'm actually taking part in an event, she did say she was proud when I completed my first half this year, but when it comes to training its oh no not again lol. when I told her my marathon training starts soon she said there's no end to this is there? lol. how do I approach the subject of me doing an IM in 2015?! Pipski, well done getting a spot in VLM! that's an achievement in itself lol.

  • the old ones are always the best JP lol

  •  

     

    justplodon wrote (see)

    it's not that I don't pull my weight, I always do my bit, it's just she isn't sporty at all and the few occasions when she's had a go at something ie zumba, the gym, running, she hasn't stuck at it. I try to fit training in when it'll have the least impact, like first thing in the morning after a night shift but that doesn't always work. she is supportive when I'm actually taking part in an event, she did say she was proud when I completed my first half this year, but when it comes to training its oh no not again lol. when I told her my marathon training starts soon she said there's no end to this is there? lol. how do I approach the subject of me doing an IM in 2015?! Pipski, well done getting a spot in VLM! that's an achievement in itself lol.


    In that case Pipski and Buttercup have made some good suggestions. If it is going to be part of your life from now on she'll come to accept it as long as you play fair by her.

  • Maybe she was fed up with you blowing out your arse when you first started. Doesn't sound too pleasant.

  • I would say if there are problems and eye rolling now then the chances of that improving the more training you do are pretty slim  image

  • Stick at marathon training then transition into triathlon will be slightly easier. Swimming lessons over winter will help tri and be an easy recovery running day.

    you could always trade your wife in on eBay for a nice road bike image

  • ahh good ol screamapillar. find the silver lining and she'll show you the cloud.

  • What are you talking about Mr Incomprehensible? I never did anything of the sort.

  • blowing out of my arse, a term we used to use in the army...when getting paid to run wasn't quite as much fun lol.

  • Join up again get sent on deployment train to your hearts contentimage

  • Mmm...been there done that divorced 6 years.  I took up running and lost 45lbs ex wife has continued to gain weight I think.

    If you're doing all the things you should be doing at home and yet when you want to do something for your self it's not ok, you have to stand back and ask yourself why.

    Does your wife have any interests or hobbies?  Does she get an equivalant amount of time to herself.

  • lol, now that would not go down very well! I'm too old now anyway lol. reading back on my original post I'm not making my wife out in a very good light, she's a diamond really, she just needs a hobby haha! 

  • just answered your question there jellybean, she'll occasionally get into something but then she'll lose interest, she's been talking about going running with one of our neighbors but uses the excuse she hasn't got time, I've told her if she really wants to do it then she'll make time. our relationship is perfect in every other aspect, it's just this, but like others have said its all about compromise.

  • Sounds familiar, does she have a stressful job?

  • get up - go to work - rush home - eat tea - watch TV - go to bed.

    Far too many people just do this day in day out. I think some people just need a bit of a push. 

    I'm very lucky in the sense that my gf and family know I'm obsessed with training etc, they just understand that's may way of relaxing too. Just show her how much you're enjoying it and encourage her to join you on the odd training run etc, I can't really offer much more than that, those who are unsupported will be more suited image

  • Oh justplodon, my heart is going out to you.    You seem quite good at talking about how you feel (which my husband finds quite difficult).  I would suggest talking to your wife and saying that it upsets you that she is quite negative about your hobby.  I said to my husband that the only way I could emotionally get through marathon training, was to have his support as I couldn't cope if he wasn't on my side.  I explained how much it upset me and that his love and encouragement meant more than running the marathon.  Ever since then, he has been supportive (in his own way).  The reason I got into the London Marathon was not through the ballot, as I got a rejection.  My husband is in the Royal Marines, so I opted to write to a military charity (The Royal Star and Garter Homes)...I knew that by doing this, it would be a charity close to my husbands heart and that he would have some involvement.  I've also ran for the Royal Marines Charity Trust fund before and again, my husband was taking photos of me, to put in their company magazine.   Does your wife have a charity she could choose for you?     Your wife is obviously very sweet but just does not share the same passions as you.    Same as mine, but that's ok.  A friend of mine, who unfortunately passed away at 38, was a competitive body builder.  He trained excessively for 7 hours a day for 6 months of the year, whilst also running his own gym.  His wife always complained that she was just a Body Builders wife.  After competitions he always spoilt her rotten (£600 pair of shoes!) and he also paid for her to have a fabulous life style.  He once said to me that he could never of competed if it wasn't for his wife's support (even though she didn't enjoy it).  She is now proud that she was married to a British Champion. Only now I understand my friend saying how much it means, having your other half support you, as I embark on my own training programme.    What I'm trying to say is that life is too short to fall out over something like this.  I'm sure if you're wife is unhappy, you would be too.  Go talk to her, I bet she will be more understanding if you have a heart to heart.

  • I have a very similar problem, she rolled her eyes and told me that it was a phase I was going through, middle age crisis. 

    Last year was the first year of proper running and entering races.  My wife doesn't like my training to impact on family life which is fair enough.  I run during my lunch hour and do a longer cycle before anyone gets up.  I found that if I bring something back from my races, it helps.  If I get a goody bag, then I try to offload some of it on to her or my daughter.  And often the hill races have free cakes afterwards, so I always bring them something back.

    I guess the bottom line is to get a diary out, speak to your wife and decide on times when you can run/swim/cycle and times when you're doing family things.

    It's not easy.  Good luck.

     

  • I always knew I had a wonderful wife who let me get away with blue murder.

    After reading through this thread, I think I'd better buy her even more sparkly things......

    image

  • Mmmm sparkly things...husband you know how you wanted to go to the Marillion Convention.... image Oh that's the other thing husband goes and does proggy things on a regular basis with his mates - I have no love for that so we're all good - I train and he listens to middle age boy music image Wins all around!

  • If a bit of eye rolling and asking if you are serious is the worse thing in your marriage then i think you have it lucky......

    non supportive is when they find lots of reasons and chores to do that will prevent you training even if you have done your normal stuff to make room for it.......

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