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Staying motivated with low energy people around you
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Blimey; you know the quote?
You are better read than I thought!
The author was a c**t, but a very interesting one!
I think it is not quite as logical as you think Nick.
If I assume I do have a role to play in may partners depressed state then my effort to be better to and for him would be - exactly what I am trying to achieve anyway. I would try to stay upbeat, uplifting and healthy. Another poster has also already suggested showing real gratitude for any help he gives me so that is part of this also. So as my aim is to be better for him anyway your 'experiment' then becomes redundant.
On the other hand I know my husband would be shattered if I cheated on him. I think he would possibly stay with me but never really get over it. He would link my betrayal to other things that already depress him - "you cheated on me because ....." and further fuel those negative fires. Our relationship would not be the better for it.
I could try to keep it a secret from him but I could never guarantee success especially since I would have to ask him to look after the baby while I went out. We are not living close to any family members atm.
Another logical fault is that you make the assumption that I am the kind of person who would not feel bad about having a bit on the side. Even if I did meet a person who would otherwise be uplifting etc the shame of having become a skanky cheating slut would depress me.
As I would be having a bit on the side it is highly likely that I would not be getting it on with a guy who would allow himself to become too emotionally invested in me. Thus even if I was an evil, depressing bitch it may make no difference to him - unlike my husband. Furthermore I could only live with my husband so if something about the way I co-habitate brings people down I could not tell.
These confounding effects would always cause your 'experiment' to fail. Not as smart as you think sorry Nick!
Nick Windsor4
cant tell if you are joking or not. assuming not- seriously don't ever get married, have kids or even buy a pet. You will be crap at all of them.
I think Nick is married with kids.
Nick: there is a difference between being fed up, unmotivated, disillusioned, (or whatever) and being depressed.
Clinical depression is an illness like any other. Your "different angle" would look pretty nasty if your partner had cancer so why should depression be able to be used as an excuse for selfishness?
ok in that case I feel sorry for Nick's wife and children, in that if they get physically or mentally I'll they can look forward to abandonment.
This is a running forum right? folks who know about holding on, toughing it out, digging deep , etc. Maybe there's a link between that and standing by someone who has a mental health issue. Especially when you you know *vowed* to do so? Or am I over analysing?
And SharmK. At some point you have to think in terms of your own well being. It can't be easy being with someone so down on themself. But you run to keep yourself in sound body and mind, not for anyone else's benefit. I guess that is where your motivation might come from - and why you really don't need your husbands support in one sense.
I think to start talking about clinical depression is jumping the gun a bit. For SharmK to turn to an internet forum suggests a problem and a certain amount of desperation. The solution is, I suspect, not straightforward.
It could be a one day at a time situation, I certainly do not think the 'bin him and move on solution' espoused by Nick is the first solution.
I think that mental health is a complex issue, I am not even sure the experts think it is an exact science.
If I was you I would be turning to self help books, hopefully one will strike a chord with you and you can move on. I have read in many places that exercise has a similar effect on the body to certain anti-depressants so excercise could be part of the solution but is unlikely to be the solution.
The solution may be a long hard road, but nothing worthwhile is easy; good luck.
How did we get from an incredibly crass comment towards someone dealing with mental health issues to cock-waving quotes about revolution? Did I miss something important?
It's difficult, isn't it? I remember a time when I was trying to finish my PhD thesis, and my wife was expecting our first child, and it was a bit like a race to see who could deliver first. We were both kind of looking inwards a lot at that point, at what we were trying to get out.
And after the birth of a child can be a difficult time for a husband too, he may feel that it's unfair for him to ask for anything from you while you are focused on a baby. I took Nick's comment as meaning that it's worth considering whether you are part of the problem for him, but I think your original post made it clear you were already wondering about that, something about "I worry that we bring each other down"
Someone said 'favourite quotes' and it was irresistible! Not so much 'cock waving' I just like a good quote!
As opposed to talking c**p (Nick). But it is the 'play the field then leave' part of his statement I find abhorrent, OK so people meet someone while still married, but to look for a new relationship whilst still in one seems wrong to me. If Nick is just saying, 'don't let your partner drag you down too' then I see what he means.
But whether to work on the relationship or move on is too complex for this forum.
My first thoughts would be to keep at it do not let a time in a relationship which is always difficult to destroy the relationship.