Chatting up.

Very new to all this, never tried to 'chat' any one up in all my life. Was always very easy last time I did this all those centuries ago. Stuck with one partner for life.

So, do you need to flatter some one when you chat them up? It always creeps me out when men try and say complimentary things to me. OK, I can just chill and relax on that one. 

I really don't know how to do this and need all the help I can get.

I normally just write something quirky or funny. I'd really like to get past the first email stage though.image

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Comments

  • VDOT52VDOT52 ✭✭✭
    Oh dear. I have loads of suggestions but I doubt they'd be up your street.

    The only one that might not get me perma banned is maybe try being realistic. If you focus on good looks you'll get a thicko or an egotist. but not all ut blokes are nice either.... It is tricky!
  • I'm not doing the lying naked on the bed photo shoot either and all my pool shots ore proper swimming, not bikini shots.

    I've even seen men do the bed thing, what is all that about?

    I do like moody photo's though,.

    Gideon said... honest officer

  • VDOT52VDOT52 ✭✭✭
    Ok- another sensible ponderance... Is meeting someone the traditional way completely unlikely or outdated these days? You know, where you like the look of someone, make small talk, get them a drink and see if they buy you one back? Making it a case of looking at spreadsheets, I said SPREADSHEETS image ...all seem a bit cold and futuristic.



    Get out to a pub, club, or singles night. Got to be more interesting than some dating site full of married men.
  • NayanNayan ✭✭✭

    yeah - go meet some married men in 3d

  • I don't drink and I don't have the confidence to talk to strangers. I'd feel a nerd sitting in a pub with a pint of water all by myself.

     

  • I think you just do the same sort of things you'd do in real life - chat, find out if you have anyhtng in common, do the same things make you laugh? Do you have similar interests? All the usual stuff.

    Flattery? No, not really to be honest. I think it sets questions off in people's minds and can be misread.

  • Stevie  GStevie G ✭✭✭✭

    Flattery won't set you apart from the crowd, as your average good looking woman will get the same from all angles. The opposite approach can be good, but is a bit of a fine line between charming, witty faux put down king, and utter douche.

  • There will be loads of men in a similar situation equally clueless about what to do.   Do you ever meet single men in normal life you could ask out - I know that means having the courage to risk a knock back but even if they weren't interested I can't imagine many single men minding being asked out by someone genuine.  I should add the disclaimer I know naff all about all this but you know that's my take on it. 

  • I don't know any single straight men. 

    Screama, I haven't the faintest idea what is done in real life. Last time I was single I was still at school. All I remember from then is blushed hello's as we passed in the corridor.

  • VDOT52VDOT52 ✭✭✭
    Are you a member of a running club? If so, Surely there must be some single guys that are members too... I think you may be overthinking this. I think. image
  • You think a lot Gideon. image

    I believe that there are some single guys, certainly in the younger sections but I'd get arrested.

    Really don't know about anyone else. Not sure that there's anyone I'd want to date. I'm so very fussy. (Also not sure that there's anyone who would want to date me).

  • Hi BHH - its ok to be fussy about who you want to date but to be on top form when that chap comes.along at least practise smiling at and talking to the others. Good luck on line, don't send photos!
  • VDOT52VDOT52 ✭✭✭
    Your running club is segregated by age?? I thought most clubs were divided by pace... Not pacemakers image



    I'm sure it'll be easy once you get into the swing of it all. I mean dating and not getting arrested.

    There must be some nice single blokes on here... Lurking.
  • I'm single and so any advice I might have should probably be viewed with that in mind!

     

    It's not something I've paid much attention to over the last few years - it'd be a nice bonus but I enjoy life regardless. I have recently had a quick look at online dating, but try just to be myself.  Personally I like to meet up pretty quickly or at least to speak on the phone, as I find it hard to get a "feel" for people via text/email, but I appreciate that women may have to think a bit more about personal safety than me.

  • there ha e been two engagements at my running club in the last couple of years between members.  Plus some others who have moved in together.  Try and match the pace of the one you are after.....

  • bah-hum-hog wrote (see)

    I don't know any single straight men. 

    Screama, I haven't the faintest idea what is done in real life. Last time I was single I was still at school. All I remember from then is blushed hello's as we passed in the corridor.

    In real life you met people and you get to know them - friends, colleagues, male female. In essence dating is not all that different. You want to find out about the other person and whether you get on. If there's a spark, it's a bonus.

    If there isn't you could still gain a friend.

  • It's been a long time since I have had to do any chatting up and it's not been opposite sex chatting up, which may also be quite different (But prob equally as nerve wrecking) but.....

    of course someone wants to date you!  And of course you want to date someone.  it might be scary (and there may be a few frogs before the prince ) but it'll also be exciting and new.

    are there events near you like a singles dinner? Speed dating?  Things where it is totally ok to go on your own as a single woman as everyone else may also be on their own? 

    I agree, join clubs.

     

    i was at a gig on Friday with the wife and said to her if we were single straight women, this would be the place to be!  all packed out with men, many on their own. Very easy to strike up a conversation in that sort of environment as you've immediately got something in common and a very obvious topic of conversation to start chatting about.

    good luck! 

  • My advice (as scary as that sounds) would be to simply be as you are in real life.

    If you would normally just reply with something quirky or funny, then continue to do that, if you don't get a response then they are obviously not for you, and its better to nip it in the bud before it starts rather than put up a pretend you, begin to get involved and then have the issue of either living a lie (with the inevitable consequences) or the coming clean and it ending there as that's not what they want.

    Being yourself is the only way you are going to find somebody that wants YOU. Being what you think someone else wants is only going to get them what THEY want.

    It may not be easy and you feel like you want it now and that it will never happen, but patience and being honest is the best way. Maybe you are just looking too hard ?

    Possibly become a bit more relaxed and aim for just the friendship side then let that blossom if it wants to rather than 'looking for a relationship'

    Its either that or Rohypnol !!  
     
     
    (oh come on you didn't think I could be serious all the way through did you imageimage )

  • VDOT52VDOT52 ✭✭✭
    Do you give/take the rohypnol yourself if you are female? or give it to the bloke to slip in your drink when you are not looking? image
  • If you're trying online dating then sending a guy a reply to his message is enough to get a conversation started. There's no need to flatter them.

    I gave up with online dating and dating overall, as I couldn't get a date or a reply if the future of mankind depended on it.

    Wishing you more success than I had.

  • Gideon Levy wrote (see)
    Do you give/take the rohypnol yourself if you are female? or give it to the bloke to slip in your drink when you are not looking? image

     

    As far as I am aware (not that I know much on the subject of course image ) ... but I believe Rohypnol is just a sleep inducing drug, and we all know that the normal male is capable of (and I shall be delicate here) 'excitement' whilst asleep, so am sure the desired effect could be achieved !
     
     
     
     
    Disclaimer for the fuddy-duddies on here : Let it be known officially that I in no way endorse or advocate the use of Rohypnol in any way shape or form for procurement of sexual or indeed any other gratification.

  • Stevie  GStevie G ✭✭✭✭
    Eggyh73 wrote (see)

    If you're trying online dating then sending a guy a reply to his message is enough to get a conversation started. There's no need to flatter them.

    I gave up with online dating and dating overall, as I couldn't get a date or a reply if the future of mankind depended on it.

    Wishing you more success than I had.

    this surely depends on what site you use. Use a free one, and women are likely to massively outnumber men, and you're also likely to have tonnes of fake profiles.

    use a pay one, and the numbers will even out a bit more, and the latter issue drops as well.

    they tell me. 

  • and besides if it doesn't work then there is always a couple of lolly sticks and some selotape !

  • Stevie G wrote (see)
    Eggyh73 wrote (see)

    If you're trying online dating then sending a guy a reply to his message is enough to get a conversation started. There's no need to flatter them.

    I gave up with online dating and dating overall, as I couldn't get a date or a reply if the future of mankind depended on it.

    Wishing you more success than I had.

    this surely depends on what site you use. Use a free one, and women are likely to massively outnumber men, and you're also likely to have tonnes of fake profiles.

    use a pay one, and the numbers will even out a bit more, and the latter issue drops as well.

    they tell me. 

    No, it's not the websites. It's me.

    I've used all the popular sites, paid and unpaid, such as PoF, okcupid, Match, Guardian Soulmates and apps like Tinder. I managed an astounding three dates in five years and not a single reply to a message in my final year of using them. The only Tinder matches I got were from spambots!

    I ended up deciding it was time to accept the reality of the situation and move on.

  • If as I suspect you are not in the very first bloom of youth, and the men you might consider 'dating' aren't in that happy position either, then you should know that most of us (and I mean most) have grown up and, when we look at women, like to see beyond the surface (of course, we see that too) to the real person below. Be yourself. Someone will like you.

  • VDOT52VDOT52 ✭✭✭
    And pictures of sneezing kittens. That is hilarious!
  • If I can pull over the Internet, anyone can
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