Running and relationships


Ir's 4:30 in the morning and another sleepless night. Just looking for some advice.

I've been with my partner for eight years and one thing that bought us together is the love of all things to do with cycling, running and swimming. She had ran several marathons before I had met het and had done a few triathlons .

Eight years on we both run, but we don't share the love and passion for it. We're both doing the Paris marathon, and we have a few smaller halves entered. I'm a strong believer in active recovery, cross training, core work but she's adamant that she won't do any as she has a RW marathon programme that does not tell her to do any of this and that RW is right and I'm wrong. She's not interested in any Parkruns or any races I may suggest. She dismisses everything I suggest, and she no longer cycles, or swims. 

I feel we've partly got into this situation partly because of a RW marathon schedule. 

It would be great to hear from the editor that there are benefits for cross training, active recovery, core work, gym work, proper nutrition ( she says she's old school and would rely on just water to do a marathon ) and what to do when a passion we once shared is tearing us apart.

Many thanks


  • TTTT ✭✭✭
    Hi, I am going to assume everything else in your relationship is absolutely wonderful and it is the running you are asking about.

    Personally cross training is keeping me running, I know if I only ran sooner or later.i would be injured. Core work for me means half way through a long run I can keep going and run 'strong'. Swimming uses muscles in a totally different way, and I can be swimming and not pushing my CV system. Cycling to me means an enjoyable ride in wonderful country side and a workout at the same time.

    When I last looked RW advocated cross training, certainly the magazine does.

    Sorry can be no more help. 
    If your partner was training for her very first marathon then I would agree there's no need for any cross training, purely because preparing for your first marathon can take up a lot of time and energy and that has to be slotted into the rest of your life work/family etc., and that can leave no extra time, inclination or energy for other training. 

    However, as your partner has run marathons previously then I think you should back off and let her train the way she wants too.   We all choose how much or how little training we do.   I have friends that run marathons with no training, even running, that's their choice.

    I would guess there are underlying issues, to blame this on an RW schedule is ridiculous.   Most other marathon training plans are for the running training only, that's the usual format.   

    I've been running marathons for 25 years and coaching marathon runners for over 15 years, I never advise a runner to swim or cycle as I would prefer them to run more, training should be sports specific.   However, I do advise them that a  Pilates or Yoga session plus a light weights gym/strengthening session once a week can be beneficial, more for injury prevention than anything else.   But most don't do that as they don't have the time or are not interested, and it's their choice.
  • Many thanks Shades. It's always good to hear a different perspective. I need to look at the wider picture, I've been submerged in triathlons for 25 years, and over that time have trained and met some of Europes top Age Groupers, I also have a good friend who represented GB in the Commonwealth Games  and is a top marathoner runner and top coach. I also served 2 years in the TA and took a active interest in their strength and conditioning programme. I guess I believe in their views and what is said.
  • YnnecYnnec ✭✭✭
    edited January 25
    You just have different approaches and that's healthy as:
    1. you're getting a break from each other, and
    2. both maintaining the enthusiasm to get out the door.
    You present as being a tad possessive/controlling. What are you like when you disagree about a meal or TV choice?!
  • TTTT ✭✭✭
    Been thinking about what you have written. Has she given any reason why she does not want to swim or cycle anymore? Does she have the time? If so what else is she doing? If she is doing something which she enjoys more then that is brilliant, if she is not then that might be the problem. 

    Many, many of the top coaches and teams advocate core training, Google some of the Tour de France winners routines!!! 
  • What are you like when you disagree about a meal or TV choice?! No problem there, never been an issue . I'm a Vegan she eats meat. She watches Games of Thrones, I watch East Enders. 
  • YnnecYnnec ✭✭✭
    edited January 26
    What are you like when you disagree about a meal or TV choice?! No problem there, never been an issue . I'm a Vegan she eats meat. She watches Games of Thrones, I watch East Enders. 
    In hindsight, I was a bit snarky (spent too many years on
    I'd echo TT & Shades advice re:core/gym work; I do a kettlebell routine twice a week - squats 3x10, swings 3x20 and figure of 8s through the legs 3x8 - all with 40s rest between reps. It only lasts 15mins or so, challenges the posterior chain and will benefit both your running and triathlon goals.
  • HA77HA77 ✭✭✭
    Sheez, you should be thankful your wife shares your interests.

    I run a fair bit but I don't do any core, lifting, cross-training, etc even though I know it would be good for me. I just don't enjoy those things and I'd rather be out running, playing with my kids or relaxing with my wife. 

    You need to let it go. Sometime people need to make their own mistakes to learn. You are her partner, not her coach. If you can't happily let her do her own thing, that's your problem, not hers or RW.
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