'Scientific' Laws of healthy eating

'Scientific' Laws of healthy eating

1. Modern transportation methods cause the breakdown of all fat and calories in imported food (eg Belgian chocolate)

2. Fruit breaks down all fat and calories in any foodstuff it touches (eg banana splits & Terry's chocolate orange)

3. All food consumed for charity (eg Children in Need cakes etc) is good for you

4. Breaking biscuits releases their fat and calories (as there appears to be a slight time delay in this effect, it is better to eat broken biscuits & those bits that sit at the bottom of the tin)

5. The brain activates a fat creating chemical reaction when it receives a message from the eye that sweet/fat/calorie intensive food is on it's way - by eating with your eyes closed this reaction is avoided (especially effective for chocolate eclairs)

NB no responsibility is accepted for any actions taken as a result of the publication of this information, particularly not for any dry cleaning bills associated with Law 5.


  • Any food consumed stood up has no calorific value.
  • Nick

    Rather better argued than the case for the Atkins diet. It's still a load of dingo's kidneys though!


    I thought the standing up thing was something to do with pregnancy???
  • fairly traded foods and organic foods are health foods and therefore should be eaten in large quantities

    Dubble (comic relief) chocolate is a good deed and therefore not a sin

    Food doesnt have a consciousness therefore cannot distinguish between right and wrong therefore no food is evil ;- }}

    foods bought in healthfood shops eg flapjacks oat cookies crunchy bars organic chocolate and flapjacks are healthy and therefore should be eaten everyday preferably in large quanties

    carbohydrate and chocolate increase serotonin and therefore are medication (and should be available on prescription eh VRap ; -}})

    Chocolate oranges are aromatherapy treatments as are any other highly spiced foods

    Foods eaten and shared whilst online are virtual foods and therefore virtually calorie free

    foods eaten whilst supportind people in distress are virtuous and therefore 'good'
    (supporting people in distress may include - going to the pub at lunchtime, going for a coffee, etc)
  • The phrase "too much cheese" is as meaningful as the sound of one hand clapping.
  • Colour co-ordinated foods negate each other out i.e chocolate with hot chocolate, foods eaten while drunk don't count and if no-one sees you eat it then it didn't happen!!!
  • No food eaten by anyone on this forum will make you fatter. Ever.*

    * - note: runners doing less than 200 miles a week may not experience this effect
  • I loved the quote from David Bedford in a recent Running and Fitness: "when you run 120 miles a week you can drink as much as you like"
  • om if you chant while eating after yoga then all the calories are reincarnated

    om mane padme mmmmmm
  • Chewing and digesting certain foods uses up more calories than those contained in the food itself.

    Unfortunately, the only foods for which this property has been claimed in more than one publication are hard-boiled eggs, raw celery, and unsweetened grapefruit.

    Maybe it applies to dingo's kidneys too. Anyone desperate enough to put it to the test?
  • Vrap is that hardboiled eggs, raw celery and unsweetened grapefruit smoothie?
  • Bleurrrgghhh!!!
  • crisps are made of potato and are therefore a legitimate vegetable but aren't counted as one of the five portions (they're counted as carbs) so you can eat as much as you like especially in prep for big race :o)
  • once you have eaten 5 portions of fruit* and vegetables you can eat as much of anything you like

    *fruit - anything that smells or tastes fruity like chocolate oranges or black cherry gateaux or key lime pie etc
  • 5 carrot cakes
  • 4 chocolate oranges
  • 3 raspberry ripples
  • 2 cherry flapjacks
  • and a partridge in a pear tree !
  • Bune -- you can compose the fittie forum Xmas song :o)
  • The Department of Health says that the only thing anyone needs to do is to eat more fruit and vegetables.

    OK, I'm paraphrasing a little. What it really says is that the single most important change most people could make to their diet is to eat more fruit and vegetables.

    After all, nobody in government wants to blow their prospects of a lucrative directorship of Unilever or whatever by saying we should eat LESS of anything.
  • This was the problem in the US as well. The meat industry *really* objected to the suggestion that red meat shouldn't form such a big part in the diet. The report was changed, of course.
  • One thing I've noticed about this forum is the absence of a "Food and Nutrition" subject. I for one would be happy to spend my time at work reading other runners thoughts on food and maybe the odd recipe.
    Any one else think its a good idea ?
  • yes but its NOT healthy
  • thats why i cook nice
  • if you want thoughts on food try the fat club thread - its all we talk about - mostly!
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