'Scientific' Laws of healthy eating
1. Modern transportation methods cause the breakdown of all fat and calories in imported food (eg Belgian chocolate)
2. Fruit breaks down all fat and calories in any foodstuff it touches (eg banana splits & Terry's chocolate orange)
3. All food consumed for charity (eg Children in Need cakes etc) is good for you
4. Breaking biscuits releases their fat and calories (as there appears to be a slight time delay in this effect, it is better to eat broken biscuits & those bits that sit at the bottom of the tin)
5. The brain activates a fat creating chemical reaction when it receives a message from the eye that sweet/fat/calorie intensive food is on it's way - by eating with your eyes closed this reaction is avoided (especially effective for chocolate eclairs)
NB no responsibility is accepted for any actions taken as a result of the publication of this information, particularly not for any dry cleaning bills associated with Law 5.