Pet Pig

At last after years of being verbally abused by “chavs”et. al on street corners, I finally came up with some sort of revenge!

On Friday evening I was a few miles into a decent run that was going well and I was really enjoying it. I was running through Bourne End when on the opposite side of the road this pikey (who was sat on a wall with his girlfriend) launched into the usual “you f*****g w****r, you f*****g queer, you f*****g loser”, his girlfriend clearly giggling with glee.

I shouted back, “I may be a f*****g w****r, a f*****g queer, and a f*****g loser, but I can run faster than you and your pet pig”

At which point the girlfriend stopped giggling and said pikey threw down his cigarette and beer can and proceeded to run after me. I let him follow me for several hundred yards (needless to say with a healthy gap between me and him) and when he stopped looking slightly purple around the gills, so did I. I turned round and said “I may be a f*****g w****r, a f*****g queer and a f*****g loser but I can run faster and further than you. Now get back to your pet pig before she gets lonely”


My wife thinks that I should find another route tonight!

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Comments

  • Ha ha ha - excellent work NT's.

    I think you're wife maybe right about needing another route!!!
  • Yes no toe, good for you but you defo need another route now
  • no toes: excellent put-down. I recommend moving to another town.

    Otherwise. it's been nice knowing you.
  • Nice one no toes!
  • LOL - but seriously, police escort from now on eh?
  • NT, that was poetry in motion - well done. Pity said t*at wasn't mown down by a bus as he chased you, however.
  • LOL NT's or could that be no arms unless you change your route/appearence/name?
  • :)

    I'll have your kneecaps if you don't want 'em!
  • Post of the month.

    Don't suppose you've got a right foot without plantar fasciitis in a size 8? If so, could I have it?
  • tops :o))) has made me giggle for the last few minutes.
  • Tee hee hee ! Fantastic retort !
  • ROFLMAO no toes.

    Have you planned your new route yet?
  • RedheadRedhead ✭✭✭
    Excellent! Hope aforementioned pikey doesn't know where you live though.
  • I'm still giggling.
  • That's straight out of the top drawer!!

    Bring on the chavs, I can't wait to use that one!!
  • I will run tonight but may take a different route. If I do not post any more then you know that said chav has got together with some of his mates and their pet pigs and kicked the s**t out of me.
  • nt - I'd say it was worth it.

    Good luck !


    (btw - a different route would be VERY good, and I'd bin that top you wore for a long time. Hey - any excuse to get new kit !)
  • you'd have felt a bit silly if he'd outrun you tho!
  • Very fair point TwoDogs. I suppose that it was a judgement call that was based on a quick assessment - chav, ciggy in hand, can of beer in the other and pet pig on a lead! Plus at a pinch I can 5 1/2 minute mile.
  • Ah.

    Your final sentence makes me think you're not as stupid as I first thought you were.

    lol!

  • Good job it wasn't Mark Lewis Francis having a beer with his pot smoking friends eh ? ;-)
  • You're a brave man NT and we salute you!
  • Cougie, I thought that Mark Lewis Francis was in a confined space with 16 mates, with them (and not him) all smoking joints at the same time and this explained the level of dope in his specimen! Yeah Right!!
  • 5 years on and this still makes me chuckle thinking about it.  Fantastic.

    No Toes wrote (see)
    At last after years of being verbally abused by “chavs”et. al on street corners, I finally came up with some sort of revenge! On Friday evening I was a few miles into a decent run that was going well and I was really enjoying it. I was running through Bourne End when on the opposite side of the road this pikey (who was sat on a wall with his girlfriend) launched into the usual “you f*****g w****r, you f*****g queer, you f*****g loser”, his girlfriend clearly giggling with glee. I shouted back, “I may be a f*****g w****r, a f*****g queer, and a f*****g loser, but I can run faster than you and your pet pig” At which point the girlfriend stopped giggling and said pikey threw down his cigarette and beer can and proceeded to run after me. I let him follow me for several hundred yards (needless to say with a healthy gap between me and him) and when he stopped looking slightly purple around the gills, so did I. I turned round and said “I may be a f*****g w****r, a f*****g queer and a f*****g loser but I can run faster and further than you. Now get back to your pet pig before she gets lonely” My wife thinks that I should find another route tonight!
  • You should print that on a t-shirt!
  • QUALITY!!!!!!
  • Genius!! that's hilarious.. image
  • I'm glad you had some revenge on the idiotimage, but you seem to have insulted the wrong person, ie. the one who was just gigling not calling you names.
  • Very good image

    I had a similar run in recently where a group of chavs saw me running and crossed over to where I was and deliberately got in my way, presumably to start a fight or something. Didn't work very well though, I avoided the first 3 and ran smack bang in to the last 2 knocking one of them flying (they deliberately blocked the path completely and stopped next to a parked car so I couldn't even avoid them). They shouted some abuse but I was long gone at this point.

    A mate of mine was running a few years ago when a lad started running alongside him, shoving him and calling him gay names (what is it with weird folk associating running with being gay?). He simply stopped running, turned to face the lad and booted him full on in the knackers. No more trouble from him

    Thankfully these things don't happen often but it is irritating.

  • "I avoided the first 3 and ran smack bang in to the last 2 knocking one of them flying "

    had similar a few years ago - some chav strutting along the pavement towards me with his pet pig in tow and not a lot of space between the wall on one side and parked cars on the other. he had that "I'm not moving look" on his face so I just shouted "you'd best move as I'm not stopping" - he didn't and neither did I, so he got 16 stone of prop forward bodycheck into his right side and went flying. much to the hilarious giggles of his pet pig....I ran on with a smile....image
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