Pirate Records, Rankings and Shieldholders

Obviously we need a hall of fame, and I was sufficiently bored on my long ride last saturday to come up with a pirate rank system based upon experience

HALL OF FAME (Record holders)

IM Captain Rosey (10:30)
Double IM ---
IM 1st Mate Monique (11:5X)?
Double IM ---

SHIELD HOLDERS (until the next official annual Pirate IM competition - IMDE2006)

Fastest Finisher 145: Junior Pirate Count (due to being fast)
Best Novice 145: Semen Barlist (due to vote rigging by Jj)

The Rank system. On a points basis, where only IM distance or longer counts for points. Its not a knitting club. 1 point per IM finish. 1 bonus point for doing the extra hard ones (norseman, lanzarote and [but only if you get in by the honourable route, qualification] hawaii). 2 points for double IM finish. 1 bonus point for every time you win a shield or set a record (above). 1 bonus point for becoming "reasonably competent" (i.e. the first time you crack 12 hours). 1 bonus point for becoming "outstanding" (i.e. the first time you crack 10 hours). -1 point for a DNF (its not a quitting club). Note that if you miss cut off but still finish the course (even if it takes 20 hours) then you still get the point.


0 landlubber
1 scurvey dog
2 seaman
3 junior pirate
4 pirate
5 2nd mate
6 1st mate
7 commander
8 captain
9 admiral
10 admiral (2 parrots)
11 admiral (3 parrots) etc
15 pirate king blackbeard

eg, barlist = 2 finish - 1 dnf + 1 shield = 2

TC = 1 finish + 1 shield + 1 reasonably competent = 3

Mo = 3 finish + 1 reasonably competent + 1 record + 1 bonus hawaii = 6

Rosey = 5 finish + 1 reasonably competent + 1 record + 1 bonus norseman = 8


  • what about points for being in 'official' race dvd's, a point a second should be about right.
  • you forgot to add bonus points for

    being fat
    being over 50

  • hang on, 7 finish + 1 reasonably competent + 1 hawaii bonus = 9

    blimey, what a coincidence, i'm an admiral, who would have thought it?

    FB - you're a scurvey dog, and a scurvey dog you will remain until you return to battle.
  • Any bonus points for Pringle eating ?
  • probably a deduction. it has to be a travesty that barlist isn't a scurvey dog. i demand a recount.
  • Awww dammit. You need a very flexible tongue and huge appetite - that's gotta be worth points !
  • I'd like to have semen by the end of the year.
  • you've only got 19 days to get working on it then
  • but at least one office party, presumably
  • this year = next year

    I'm sure I will be shot down but 1 point for a sub 2.45 mara for men and sub 3 for women?

    I'm with FB about 25 points being awarded for being fat.
  • shouldnt that be an orifice party??
  • semen was an intentional typo btw
  • nah, what's a marathon got to do with it? thats the first step on a slippery slope to awarding points for other girl events such as half IM and olympic tris, and 5k fun runs.

    IM or longer, 1 point per event plus the odd bonus here and there.
  • Well feather me timbers, I'm a scurvey dog.
  • get to the double IM at levis, finish before i do, and you'll be a pirate and a record holder to boot, pebble.
  • Nice intentional typo, Gumps.

    did you intend it to be read just after Cougie's post?
  • hang on, i set mine out wrong. i get a lanzarote bonus not a hawaii bonus. same answer though, except of course i'm cr@p
  • lol - you'll notice that Jj rigged barlist's semen in the first post.

    rigging in the rigging
    rigging in the rigging
    rigging in the rigging
    there's **** all else to do
  • Miles - youi leave my post out of this please - I'm having nuffink to do with Gumps request !
  • I'm may have secured an attempt to regain the shield in 2007 + going for a couple of extra points as well....sssssh
  • your ironman charisma isn't complete until you've done lanzarote, everybody knows that. there are proper ironmen, and timid wannabes who are scared to take on the fire dragon.
  • That's the plan...hopefully do 2 volcano based IM events in 2007 (think Noresman will have to wait) and see what happens. Keep things low kew next year...do a bit of work on the running, then switch to bike for the summer and try and get close to the 60 min swim....then all guns for 2007....
  • ah i see the plan.

    for what its worth i don't believe that its easier to qualify at lanza than elsewhere. folklore says that it is, but that's just from dividing the number of entrants by the number of slots available. that doesn't take into account the fact that the standard at lanzarote is very much higher than it is at the other european races. there are none of the chunky monkeys bringing up the rear that you see at most IM events. and there aren't many females full stop - only about 50 when i did it, so a much lower proportion. its a very tough race. that's no reason not to do it, its a great race, but i know some people who aim for hawaii and think that lanza is the best route in.
  • I want points for being fat and 50 as well as FB, I am sure youn Ironwolf wants points for being pert and 50 as well

    Stop being ageist you ba****ds
  • Nope, I don't think it'll be easier to get in....just that I may not get a chance again...may still not get a chance in 2007. But if I only get to do one more then it'll be Lanza. If I don't get a slot then so be it. Maybe if I don't get in the Norseman may be an option. Don't think I'm fast enough to qualify at Germany, Austria etc where the sheer numbers are against you. But maybe I've got the balls to be hard enough at Lanza.
  • you're the one being ageist, trying to differentiate based upon peoples' age. rules is rules, i don't make them up.
  • lol - Florida is apparently the one to go for for an easy qualification. or maybe any US one... standards are much lower in the states. obviously because they spend their time eating burgers and hugging each other in groups rather than training.
  • Isn't it due to Florida being right after Hawaii that makes it easier...UK is also similar as it's so close.

    Obviously IMUK is far tougher than Lanza but I may just go for the easy option (if I'm still allowed)
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