Chav Nav


There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)
She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit?
He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.
One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'
Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked.
She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper.
I never bin wiv no one!'
So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.
Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.
She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.'
Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'
Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah?
To have her bay-bee an' that.
But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.
Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.
Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh?
Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.
He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees.
You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think
I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'
Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.'
So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.
Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref,
an' Jesus turns water into Stella.



  • and the reason the new year starts on 1st January and not the 25th December is 'cos they took it from the day the birth was registered and they couldn't do it any earlier 'cos the registry office was shut for Christmas .....
  • DustinDustin ✭✭✭
  • Bertie is a turtle.
  • yes.............. i certainly am.............. thank you for your support!..........tell H !
  • lol
  • I want that on a t-shirt or something!

    Tis fun and funny!

  • got it on my childline T shirt!
  • As an Essex boy, I can tell you this is an utterly ridiculous piece of work, and no-one speaks like that dahn 'ere. All them 'th's! FFS 'Then these three geezers turn up' should at best be 'Den deez free geezers...'. Tsk! Can tell someone grew up wiv a silver spoon, innit?
  • I don't know why peeps get such weird ideas like "Don't read if you're religious." I'm a parish priest and sent this to my boss (rural dean) just before Christmas. We then both used it in an assembly: it's brilliant!
  • Apparently you are not supposed to say Chav, it is an expression that middle class people use against the proletariat.

    I found the piece funny, I am just saying this about the c-word for discussion.

    Sassie: you are a cool parish priest!
  • Thanks Stellina ;o)
  • Everyone is different guys..............just dont want to offend!
  • No no Bertie I'm not hung up or anything, I was just saying!
Sign In or Register to comment.