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Eating disorders article
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Sorry if this is rambling or doesn't make much sense, but I am trying to understand!
About the striving-for-sports thing, well you're only asking cos you're not well. I mean, it probably will be okay for you to strive to be whatever you want to be when you're done with the healing, but I reckon a person like you will have bigger aims in life than being thin and sporty. You'll probably probably always be those things anyway, but they won't take up so much of your mental and emotional energy, because you'll be focused on other stuff. All you have to do now is choose what that stuff could be...
Good luck, you're going to make it. We'll be right here, willing you over the line... don't worry that it doesn't go perfectly, of course it won't. Tolerating that is probably the biggest shortcut to well you could choose. We're all with you
Well done Therese. Good luck with it all.
I should probably stop going on. But the only absolutely hard-and-fast, golden rule about 'what healthy people do' that is different from we-who-like-to-refuse is that it isn't regimented. We set ourselves daily, even mealtime targets of calories, protien, fat, whatever and consider deviation from it pretty terrifying. Other people have one meal according to what they want then, and then a bit later, they have the next meal according to what they want then NOT according to what they had before and what they're having for tea and how much exercise they did etc etc. That means that some days they eat loads and loads and loads and others, not so much. It all works out in the end though, but not because they planned it that way. Because they didn't plan it, they just took each meal time as it came and that, I think, is what we have to learn to do.
For your question 'is it still ok to strive to be lean for sports orientation afterwards or does this mean your not recovered?'
I'd sugest that if the main reason you are doing sports is as an excuse to be skinny, then no - but if you still enjoy sports for its own sake afterwards (not because of the ED) then you will probably end up around a weight that's healthy & allows you to compete well in your sport, without thinking too hard about it - if you can manage a healthy attitude to food. The people at hospital are not out to make you 'fat', they are there to help you get on with life.
before i got anorexic i used to comfort eat, & was substantially over a healthy weight - one of many reasons i go bullied. my biggest fear all the time i was in hospital was that i would go back to that.
i didn't - that's not what the hospital is for - but it took quite a long time for my body image to catch up with what i actually looked like - you might just have to accept for a while that you aren't a very good judge of your own body shape.
this took me a very long time to 'get', but most people aren't nearly as interested in your weight as you are.
'when you get back to your old self' probably means more like
'when we get the fun / interesting / friendly / whatever person we used to know back instead of a weight-obsessed depressed person who is't able to be interested in the same things any more',
rather than
'when you weigh exactly XXkg'.
As for people questioning your motivations for sport - well, my parents still worry about mine, although i've been at a stable healthy weight for 5 yrs now & take time off when injured / tired / not training for an event etc. Understandable really given the mess i once was that they'd not want me to go back there. I think the best you can do is to show them that you are able to keep a stable weight & non-obsesive attitude by doing it. and if you are able to do sport & stay really well, then it won't be anyone else's buisness anyway.
I have to say that for the 2 yrs after i left hospital then i was mostly just cycling into 6th form & not training or doing much running - i think the gap helped me recover physically and mentally, & gave me a bit more perspective.
But you don't need to worry about this now, just concentrate on getting well, the long term staying well can't happen 'till you've done that. hope hospital helps - will be thinking of you.
Shameful to be back here, but there are worse places to be.
completely
BUT
you got out before and you can do it again
dont panic
x
x
Hoose, any kind of stress or pressure and it just flairs up. I don't always realise it's happening, it's gradual - not as though one day I'm ok and the next I'm not. P*ssed off with myself for not having tried harder to stop this episode when I suspected it might have been coming on. Think have been blasé because it's been a few months since I've been like this. Still, I have learned from previous times so it's not *as* bad. Hence being on here and feeling like I'm admitting to it (stupid, but I feel absolved somehow).
My last good spell lasted years
wieght loss for me equals wobble in that dept
we will see
but, look on it as a temporary blip
just take care of the lovely person I see for a bit eh?
Seems to all be about compromise.
But you arent all the way in the black pit
tomorrow is another day, and all that
It sucks that this never goes away though
No, but that pit never gets filled in, like you say. Sh*t, maybe I need it. As you say, compromise. If not this, then what?
and yes-keep looking forwards