Home educating a six year old

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  • i once wasted 20 minutes trying to argue with one i almost stepped in on the pavement. i'll never get those 20 minutes back.
  • Thank you so much everyone. It really helps to have your support.
    I spoke to Tom's teacher today to ask if the child's parents have been in:not yet. I said that I felt that the Headteacher must now act as I cannot allow my son to be basically thrown to the lions while we wait.
    Barkles: thank you invaluable advice. There are specific incidents and my son is not alone in being targetted by this child. Incidents have been physical (scratches bites punching) and also psychological(stopping other children from playing with my son). I would be surprised if Tom had hit out himself.(I am aware that he's not perfect by the way!) He has an older (very physical) autistic brother at home and I have never once seem him hit out at him or anyone else for that matter. He tends to try to walk away from conflict. His teacher told us at parents evening that he was a lovely sensitive boy but that he needed to "toughen up" when asked how, she couldn't offer any ideas. Blaming the victim me thinks. She also told us how worried she was an that she could forsee him becoming a school refuser if things continued but couldn't offer us any guidance at all on what to do.
    We try to boost him as much as we can but for anyone let alone a child of 6 doing all the "right" things and still being victimised must be very hard to understand.
    As far as talking to the child's parents I had always thought it was better to let the school do that rather than risk a punch-up in the playground.
    Yes, home education is a massive undertaking but Tom is a bright little boy who did love school and I really don't want him to switch off to learning.
    Sorry for the rant! Thanks again for all the support I am definitely strenghtened by it.
    Jiggi x
  • Just so you know, I do have great respect for teachers both my parents taught for more than 40 years so I guess I have been rather naive.
  • Jiggi,

    Sorry to hear about this.
    Keep a diary of everything that happens to your son, & photographs of bruises etc. Keep telling the school about it. it might be worth keeping your son off for a few weeks so the situation can be resolved, even if you don't want to change schools.

    I home-tutored two girls (11 & 14) for a term (on a very small island in New Zealand, pop. 5, where there was a boat on and off most weeks when the weather was good, not if it wasn't). Trying to keep to a formal curriculum was quite difficult (especially as it took at least a month for textbooks to arrive), which could be a problem if the idea is for your son to go back into a formal school. we had electricity for an hour a day, so i ended up using a lot of stuff from websites (the BBC had some good stuff) & the World Service on my battery-powered radio - & i was very glad that my A-level Biology had covered 'the rocky shore' in some detail - we did a lot of transepts & surveying when the wind had been the wrong way for a few weeks running & the boat couldn't get across for fuel for the generator! Socialising tended to happen in the holidays - the girls would stay with friends on the mainland, and whenever the electricity was on would be on the phone.

    I also knew quite a few ex-home-educated people at 6th form - mostly they did very well there, though i'd say one area that tended to be problematic was maths - it's probably the most useful to have a formal structured course in, particularly for older children.

    when i was basically left to 'do my own thing' in my 'GCSE year' in a hospital school, i learnt a lot more academically than i ever did following the curriculum at secondary school - and it only took a few weeks cramming for GCSEs to get all A's & B's. (Then again, i was the sort of weird child who'd spend my weekends reading about quantum mechanics just because i liked it).

    When i got bullied at school, then finding other places to meet people was really helpful - things like Guides (in the next town rather than the local pack) & church made a lot of difference (until the bullies turned up there too). Doing things with people who weren't necessarily my chronological age was also useful, and i think something a lot of children miss out on to society's detriment - i really enjoyed things like church bell-ringing even though i was the youngest by probably 20 years.

    Just a thought - but are there any groups for siblings of special-needs children in your area? i used to volunteer at one of those, & the children seemed to get a lot out of it.

    i think letting Tom know what you are doing is really important - if nothing else it is reassuring to let him know that someone else is on his side.

    You might find these sites useful:
    Kidscape , anti-bullying charity
    Education Otherwise, UK home education network.
  • BarklesBarkles ✭✭✭
    Jiggi,

    Dont panic or act in haste, a calm head is called for here. It is in the school's interest to act, cos if you move your son the bully will simply pick on someone else.
    I really think an appointment to see the Head is called for here. The responsibility rests with the boss,and he / she may not know th efull extent of the problem. Ask to see him/ her, and outline your concerns, give specific examples and ask what he/ she intends to do about it. Also a sense of timescale would be appropriate. As a rule of thumb I always try and have a follow-up chat a few days later to make sure things are going in the right direction.

    If I was Head of the school, and it was considered that a child may be a potential school-refuser, I would want to be involved. No school is too large for that, I have 400 here....

    You are right to avoid a playground confrontation with the parenst fo the other kid, and definitely avoid threatening the child directly. In my experience this often leads to the other kid's parents going to the police and pressing charges.

    The moral high-ground is important here.
  • Thanks Barkles, will do. I certainly wouldn't approach the child directly under any circumstances. I shall make an appointment to see the Head ASAP which I suspect will be after the holidays. This will give me some time to rationalise what i need to say.
    Duck Girl, thanks for the advice. I have had a look at both websites and found some very helpful suggestions particularly from the kidscape website.
    Thanks guys!
  • popsiderpopsider ✭✭✭
    I don't say you necessarily have to argue with this kids parents - however, many problems this other kid may have he's only 6 and letting him know you know what he's doing might stop him - OK it might not but it might.

    That's certainly the approach I took when one of my daughters friends was bullying the rest of their little gang and I have to say it stopped it. I collared her and her mum after school and said I really wasn't impressed with what was going on. In this case I think it just embarassed her mother into doing something about it - which may not always be the case - but what have you got to lose ? I think for something so serious as this why not try every avenue available.

  • popsiderpopsider ✭✭✭
    "however many problems" without the f'ing comma.
  • Popsider, I can see how this would work in some circumstances, but I think in this instance it's likely to make matters worse.

    I wish a commonsense approach like this was possible!
  • Thank you Hoose. Some good news, though. Tom's teacher told be this morning that she and the Headteacher are seeing the other child's parents today, so here's hoping!
    Jiggi
  • BarklesBarkles ✭✭✭
    Hmmmmmmmmm

    They will feed back to you?
  • Good News Jiggi..as Barkles says, request a feed back and "going foreward" meeting.
  • BarklesBarkles ✭✭✭
    The danger is being left out of the loop!
  • I shall ask for feedback as you suggest. It's possible that may be after Easter if the meeting is after school today. I can be very persistant when necessary! I think a "moving forward" meeting is an excellent idea. I have asked them to keep Tom's name out of the discussion if possible not least because the child and his parents are close neighbours (2 doors away) and I really don't want this being continued on home ground, if you see what I mean.
    I'll keep you posted.
  • Wee bit OT but what extra curricular stuff does your son do?

    I have a 4 yr old with very very mild CP that means he has to wear orthotics. He's starting school in Sept and bullying is a concern, esp as he is - like you describe Tom - quite bright and sensitive.

    I have pre-enrolled him in a local martial arts group ("Little Ninjas") which is a specific group for under 10s. It's an american program and it teaches the rudiments of martial arts but also things like politness, respect, "stranger danger", benifits of excercise and good diet and so on.

    My wee man is still to small to go but when I spoke to the group leader they were very positive about the benifits - great leaps in confidence in the participants. Crucially from a bullying perspective though were a couple of points she made:

    - Kids that do martial arts are less suceptable to bullying. Because they "spar" at teh gym and get coloured bands and belts to show progress (practicing kicks and punches) they don't feel a need to prove themselves physically. As a result they are more (rather than less) likley to walk away from trouble, remain calm if they are confronted and be better able to defend themselves if physically attacked

    - Once word goes around that John X does "Kung Fu" or "Kick Boxing" or whatever they decide to do then bullies (who are essentially cowards) tend to move on to new targets pretty quickly (not a solution for teh class but certainly for you)

    Other than that I would be with Popsider, I'd talk direct to the parents if this latest round of meetings is fruitless. Head says it's not the right thing to do but when it's your child it's hard to be rational!

    Totally OT - one teacher I knew had a very troblesome child. Total chav, bully, disruptive, abusive, the works. The teacher had sent letters home asking the parents in but to no avail. There were no phone numbers listed and teh parents lived in a caravan so post wasn't much of an option. After one heated exchange teh boy yelled at the teacher "My Da says he's going to get you downtown and give you a kicking!".

    Knowing the background, type of family etc my mate bricked it at this. Spent an entire weekend in fear and then decided enough was enough, he went in, found out where the caravan was, went out to it and knocked on the door.

    Big scary Dad opens the door and the teacher says "You have a problem with me so lets sort it out now"

    Dad says "Who the f*ck are you?"

    Once the story is told Dad is very annoyed at ratbag son and disciplines him for lying to the teacher, boy's behaviour picks up in class and school from then on!
  • ^When I said Head I meant head as in head versus heart not head as in head teacher (in case Barkles reads this, gets annoyed & gives me 100 lines!)
  • BarklesBarkles ✭✭✭
    ( raises eyebrow)
  • Thought I'd update you. Mr. J and I have a meeting tomorrow with Thomas's teacher and the Headteacher. I'll let you know how we get on. Any ideas/comments greatfully received!!!
  • I'll keep my fingers crossed that it goes well Jiggi !

  • Jiggi - my wife and I have 5 kids (13,9,6,4,2) none of whom have ever been to school or, hopefully, ever will. To my mind homeschooling is the default option where possible. We have never regretted our decision.
    If you were serious and wanted to discuss it, feel free to e-mail.
    Best wishes whatever you do.
  • BarklesBarkles ✭✭✭
    Jiggi, tis a question of making them fully understand the nature of the problem, then they need to make it clear that they understand and accept this.., once they accept it, the next step is clarifying what is to actually be done. Agree a timeframe, and arrange a follow-up meeting to monitor progress. In the meantime log any incidences, but try to avoid pouncing on child as he comes home and say ' So what did he do to you today then?' sometimes children feel pressurised into saying something cos they know you expect them to.. Good luck.. mail if you need!
  • Thank you! I am hopeful that this is a step in the right direction.
  • The meeting went well today with the School accepting the seriousness of the situation.
    They explained in detail the measures they are taking to deal with the other child's behaviour. We also discussed how to help Tom develop his asseriveness skills and some other ideas for things he could do at playtimes (eg. help look after the school lizards which he would love) rather than being forced into football or "Power rangers". They are planning on teaching the children some old fashioned playground games (not british bulldog, I'm glad to say!) They also have a playground "buddy" system, which sounds great in theory but I did point out that it doesn't take the place of adult supervision. Follow up meeting in May!
    Jiggi
  • Pantman, I am very interested in the homeschool idea, but my husband is more circumspect about it. Would love to know how it works for your 5!
  • Never expect too much - stay relaxed - survive!

    It is kinda fun though.

    Just picked up Timmy (9) from Gatwick - he stayed with my Mum & partner in N. Ireland for a few days and flew alone.

    A man from the flight and his wife had stayed behind to find me and tell me what a credit my son was to Mrs Pants and me. Apparently he'd been polite, thoughful, courteous and had talked non-stop to those next to him on the plane.

    Made me think of the classic knee-jerk reaction to homeschooling - "what about social interaction?" Ha! What a laugh!

  • Good luck, Jiggi!

    Pantman- I didn't go to school until I was almost 7, in Germany, didn't go to kindgergarten or nursery school either, but having 2 younger siblings fairly close to my age definitely helped. This was in the late 1960's, but at that time people also found that we had much better manners than other kids our age, although we had plenty of other children to play with in our neighbourhood! My mother (who speaks six languages), as an only child, had no preconceived notions about how we should interact, yet at the same time my parents did not raise us like "little adults". Educationally, we had no problems in spite of moving around a bit- plus we already had the love of learning instilled in all of us from an early age.
  • BarklesBarkles ✭✭✭
    Well done, Jiggi! The kanck now is to keep up the subtle rpessure of letting them know you are keeping your end of the bargain...

    keep me informed.
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