There is a woman in my office and

[Deleted User]

1 drop of mercury in her tea



that will do it.

slo sho

Do it, Happychap. You know it makes sense.

Happychap

Right - I've made a decision. I'm going to line her up in the Rusty Bayonet queue.

Hopefully someone charging at James Blunt might just miss and run her straight through.

[Deleted User]

Sew a small prawn into her handbag lining...you should have some great reactions in the 3 weeks before you leave.

Or hash cookies...

Happychap

Nice idea Ninja, except Prawns freak me out. Can't go anywhere near one.

Ripe Brie?

[Deleted User]

You could tell her that if she smiled instead of frowning all the time she would have less wrinkles )
Buy her some Kalms or put a paper bag over her head ummmmm sellotape her mouth up?
Or a bit of radical thinking here on my part, maybe she now thinks everyone hates her so nip out and buy her a big cake. She will then be your bestest friend and just be mean to everyone else.

goldbeetle

Freaked out by prawns??? are you afraid it might bite or go for your throat?:-)

[Deleted User]

It won't kill her, but an old airline cabin crew trick is to put eye drops in cups of tea/coffee. Does no serious long term damage but gives you an outrageous dose of the squits, with no obvious discernible cause.

[Deleted User]

At least now I know why I never eat or drink on flights!

Happychap

It's the eyes Goldbeetle, they stare you out, freaky, I tell ya

LOL Dynamokev - cunning and I imagine victims blame it on drinking the water

Rubs hands together while beaming a cheshire like grin. I feel a plan coming on :-)

[Deleted User]

Come on HC share

Brooks the beast

So is she still alive and kicking then ???

Happychap

Yup BUT, she's off tomorrow and Friday and...

just scheduled nest week's duties and managed to fix every day so I am training away from the office.

Yiiiiiiiipppppppppppeeeeeeeee!

She lives for another week

[Deleted User]

Do you have a coffee machine? Then buy some 'magic worms' from a joke shop. Lam one into the filling cup as you pass. The victim won't find the worm until the bottom of the cup.

Works every time....
(don't ask how I know, etc)

Happychap

Boing!

Its my last day today. We both survived.

Thank you all for the horrible, sometimes excruciating ways of doing people in.

:-)

[Deleted User]

Glad to hear you didn't actually have to use any of them!

[Deleted User]

This thread really made me laugh - good luck in your new job Happychap.

Happychap

Thank You Jensie

<Beams>

[Deleted User]

And she'll get her comeuppance one day - what goes around comes around...