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I know of several colleagues who've been assaulted in the classroom this term. The police have not been involved in any of those incidents.
Bad parenting is bad parenting, irrespective of what condition the child may or may not have. Very often the natural extrapolation of a diagnosis of ADHD (or any other spectrum disorder) is that "They can't help it" and should therefore be alowed to do exactly what they please with impunity. This is not the case.
The problem is that kids (or adults) with spectrum disorders only really understand "black and white" discipline. In other words quite harsh reaction to quite minor "offences" tends to work because they realise - very quickly exactly where the boundaries lie. Negoitiating really doesn't work too well.
Unfortunately society shies away from this as a general rule, and frowns upon parents (and others) who practice good discipline.
However I have to say that doesn't mean that kids (and adults) with spectrum disorders (and I'm sorry they most definitely do exist) need only discipline. There's an element of support and tolerance thats required.
For example, if my Autistic wife has a sensory attack in a store she's seen as being ill. If our friends Autistic four year old has one in the same store he's seen as having a tantrum, and needing "A good hiding" - especially when his mother soothes rather than cajoles (because she understands excatly what is going on).
Soory - having a liverish morning. A good story though....
Parents do know their kids and the majority of them discipline as need be. It's a pity the minority spoil it for everyone.
Cheers, FR......
my blood was just about to boil over
but you said what i wanted to
i have problems hiding xmas presents from my son who has Aspergers
he seems almost irrisistably drawn to finding them
it's like putting a big red button in front of him and saying "don't press it"
not sure if it's part of the autistic thing or not but i can empathise with the mum actually
and thanks for reminding me that i am a bad parent
oops
:-)
i m not a bad parent
i have a son with a problem
and two others who don't
ADHD...is used as an excuse for being naughty
sciatica...lazy
ME...lazy
diabetic...greedy
arthritic...lazy
hypertensive...fat and lazy
dyslexic...untidy and/or thick
If it weren't a breach of patient confidentiality, I could supply at least one name and address to back each claim up...
* and I know there are plenty of people who genuinely suffer from these conditions...I also know of someone who 'suffers' from ME and is signed off work indefinitely on a nice insurance scheme. This person stays up all night before seeing the specialist, to look suitably tired and drawn...and is part of the research programme into the causes of the disease...
There will always be a few who buck the system and these people should be hung, drawn and quartered.
I do agree with you about labels; it seems yo do have to be in a particular group these days and not just a person getting through life .....
I suppose it depends if you have a child/friend/relative that wants to be labelled or not.......
it's hard enough
i feckin hate being the middle class mum with her dyslexic/aspergers/dyspraxic child
It wasn't my life plan
i was expecting to have bright kids who whizzed through primary school with ease like i did
the would then go to university to study astro physics
whilst competing in a sport for england at international level
then get a fantastic job
fall in love
get married
be happy ever after
no problems
if i could do something to make it go away so that i could sleep at night and not worry about how he will get on when he is older
what will he do for work?
will he be able to understand the difficulties of a relationship - where people who do not have autistic type problems have problems
why does this constantly come up on here?
and the same stuff gets said
"when i were a lad, they were just called badly behaved"
this is no doubt true, and i am horrified to think of the cruelty some of these kids must have gone through to try to get them to be the same as everybody else,
the physical punishments they must have ben given because they couldn't do neat work or remember poems or whatever
"it's the parents fault"
thanks!
etc
I'd agree Crashie that there is a tendency to use ADHD as a sort of catch all blunt instrument to excuse challenging behaviour. Whether this amounts to misdiagnosis is a matter for the medical community.
However that doesn't mean that the condition isn't a genuine one (and I know you haven't said that it isn't)or that by extension a child exhibiting challenging behaviour is necessarily badly parented.
I know plenty of children on the autistic spectrum who are far better behaved than their neurotypical counterparts, in the same way that I know a huge number of neurotypical adults who are ignorant arrogant, dishonest by degrees, slovenly, untidy, selfish, and amoral.
By contrast just about all ASD adults I know are polite (well the ones that can talk), honest, usually above average in intelligence, generous, clean and well turned out.
Lurkio - you have mail
the would then go to university to study astro physics
whilst competing in a sport for england at international level
then get a fantastic job
fall in love
get married
be happy ever after'
ummm - with a family full of dyspraxics, then most of them seem to have higher degrees / PhDs in something technical (no actual rocket scientists yet, but a few chartered engineers & other techies, and one who invented a new sort of electricity transformer using a new bit of quantum physics he invented himself).
Have also had some rather good at sport (home international rowing, nationally ranked surfer, an uncle competed for UK at triathlon a few yrs ago, and then there's me...).
& most of them seem to get married & perhaps more importantly stay married once they are.
preferring routine isn't all bad, most of my dyspraxic relatives seem to end up in stable relationships and steady technicaly demanding jobs which they do scrupulously & well for many years. that's the bit that doesn't make the news - lots of conscientious, persistent, hard-working, rule-abiding people doing well and living contented & stable lives does not headlines make.
(BTW I was at York Uni today with FR Junior giving the leccy course the once over)
In those circumstances, you really can blame the parents, a) for being bad parents and b) for muddying the waters and making the lives of genuine sufferers and their families that much more difficult.
To summarise what DG said, 'plane lands safely' doesn't make good headlines...
Bad parenting exists as do spectrum disorders and I wish these 'bad parents' wouldn't use them as an 'excuse'!!
Remember a time in a shop where one of my kids was misbehaving running around and not listening to a word I said. These woman were giving me a sorrowful look and almost sypathising with my little one when I became a little more 'firm in tone' shall we say. I almost felt the need to say to her "No, it's not ADHD, it's just my bad parenting!!"
Something of a myth that disabled folks and their carers grow rich on the state I'm afraid. At least I've yet to meet anyone who does, and I rather suspect that those who brag that they do are a bit like that kid in your class who said he never did any revision - but still came top in all the exams....
I'm just trying to keep the thing in perspective.
I'm sure there are a minority who do indeed behave as you suggest. However in the grand scheme of things they are just that - a minority.
As has been said above (and I don't necessarily point a finger at anyone on here) the problem comes when what the minority do becomes the accepted view of how the majority behave.
Diagnosis of higher functioning spectrum conditions is highly subjective, so there will always be those who try to "Pull the wool" over folks eyes. Its not that easy to maintain such a deception though.
You have to forgive those of us who live with these things. It does turn you rather defensive.
you are right of course
but i am his mum
i worry about the other two as well
:-)
you wee right about the running
we have started going out once a week - jut 2 1/2 miles with a few "breathers" at the moment, but i predict that by the spring his dad will have to take him as i will be too slow