Reassurance needed please

[Deleted User]

Hi,

need someone to tell me it'll all work out ok please...or at least strategies to stay calm.

Hubby has been off-colour for 2 weeks and yesterday was admitted to hospital with appendicitis.

They operated this afternoon and found it wasn't the appendix, it was a growth in the bowel. They've removed the growth, but it'll take 7-10 days to analyse. Until then the doctor can't say what it it, but has said it could be anything from "no problem" to "something really nasty" (which from his look meant cancer).

Of course, until we know what it is, we shouldn't worry. But how not to worry? (Can't run 24 hours a day!)

Hubby is in hospital probably for a week, can stay calm when I'm with him (have to...he needs to know I'm OK).

Sorry to witter on.

[Deleted User]

((H))) sorry nothing of medical note just to say thoughts are with you and Mr H

[Deleted User]

I don't think there is any way for you not to worry. Of course you will be concerned until you know.

So... make some plans. How can you get through the next 7-10 days and survive? Take some time off work? Its only work. Get your mum to visit? Get his mum to visit? Take a city break somewhere nice and really appreciate each other? Throw yourselves into work? Plan a really great holiday this time next year?

I don't know what will work for you. (Or even what might work for me in that situation). But I think its ok to be worried. And ok to tell yourself that that's ok.

I had a bit of a scare recently. It turned out ok but for a couple of weeks I found the going really tough, especially as I didn't want to scare the life out of my family. Three friends, two geographically close and one from on this forum kept my head above water. What worked for me was having some truisted people to talk to/email. That's why I'd recommend spending a little time thinking about what you need right now for yourself.

Good luck. I really hope it works out well for you both.

[Deleted User]

Thanks guys. Waapster, that's good advice - glad your scare turned out OK.

And I'm starting to find some humour and positive things to hold on to:
- having mothers (either) visit would definitely distract from the worry. But might cause an immediate death - by murder of the relevant mother! They both have an incredible ability to annoy :-)
- most operations of the type he's had result in weight loss. Hubby will be DELIGHTED with that news when I see him later :-)

[Deleted User]

(((H))) Sorry to hear that and I think Waapster's right, it's impossible not to worry.

I highly recommend a high dosage of forum posting. People on here are just marvellous when all is not well with the world and we'll all keep everything crossed for you that it will turn out okay. Plus, you'll always get a smart alec who will say something hilarious to keep you smiling.

Be strong.

[Deleted User]

A few years back my wife fell seriously ill and I was in the same predicament. One thing that did help - oddly enough - was rsearching everything I could to try and find out what was wrong. At times I scared the life out of myself, but it did prepare me for the worst case scenario. Also, it enabled me to ask the right questions with the consultant.

Whenever you're not sure of something or need clarification of a point arrange a meeting with the consultant and make sure you get answers.

It did help me tremendously.

Yums

(((H)))cant add much to the exellent advice here really. Just wanted let you know that you'll both be in my thoughts and I shall be keeping everything crossed for you

Have been there myself (a different type of cancer)
And am almost 5 years clear. So I understand how the imaginaton goes wild at a time like this. Its hard not to get into a blind panic, where every little thing seems to take on a sinister meaning
In some respects its the not knowing that is hardest part. Once you know what you are dealing with, even though it may not be good news, having choices and a plan of action can give you direction and focus.

Please keep posting an let us know how you both are

and be kind to yourself :-)

(((H)))
x

[Deleted User]

thanks again for the support. yum yum - please uncross your legs for running....unless you fancy a trip to the hospital to keep hubby company :-)

[Deleted User]

Hi H

I've mailed you but just to say thinking of you.

Not knowing is sometimes worse than when you do know. When you get a result you get a plan for action. Now you are just rocking between hope and horror.

Try and be positive for now and cope with things a step at a time.

Mail me back if you want

x

[Deleted User]

Not much to add to the excellent advice on here
except to say that dont be afraid to request another meeting with the doc if you dont understand his explanation the first time
Anxiety makes it hard to take any info in sometimes
and you know where i am if you need to ask any medical questions
xx

[Deleted User]

Can't add much HH.


Wish you and your husband all the very best.

Roobarb

I too can't add much, if anything, to what others have already said. I think the not knowing is the worst as your imagination runs riot.

Please take care and be sure to let us know how things go - on the mothers front too!

((((x))))

[Deleted User]

p.s. Heck

I have bumped the Book Club thread, if that will help take your mind off things.

Happychap

(((((HH))))))

Similar thing happened to us just before Christmas. Everything ok now.

We got through it by just being normal. Carrying on with everyday stuff and like Gordon R doing loads of research so we could have a realistic view of the possibilities rather than just assuming the worst.

Keeping our fingers crossed

[Deleted User]

Ditto everything everyone else has said. Was in almost same position as you last year - in our case it turned out OK, but remember exactly what it was like. Thinking of you.
XXXBBH

[Deleted User]

Heckenhocker

Look after yourself

Hope hubby is OK soon

Stay strong

Johnny Blaze

My little lad has had more health scares in the last 3 years than I care to remember, and has nearly died on several occasions.

What I have learnt is to take one day at a time, do the research like folks say so you can at least ask the right questions, and most of all bear in mind that things rarely turn out as bad as you think they will - speaking from personal experience here! A close, sensible, friend to listen to your worries is also a godsend

Good luck with hubby ((()))

Ultra Kanga Kazzaaaaah

HH, thinking of you both and sending loads of positive vibes.

Take notes, ask questions - as many times as you need to as you're likely to be bombarded with stuff and not all of it will go in.

Most of all you need to look after yourself. Your hubby's in hospital getting the care he needs. You need to look after yourself so you can help him thro' whatever this turns out to be.

((HH and Mr HH)) x

[Deleted User]

((( Heckenhocker ))) Hope it turns out ok, and the next two weeks aren`t too awful.

The only advice I can offer comes from friends who have been in similar situations, stay outside as much as possible. You may not be able to run 24hrs a day, but you may be able to add long walks into your schedule. Particularly out in nature.

[Deleted User]

HH have you thought that this could be an elaborate plan on OHs part to get him out of the marathon training he thought he might like to do one day?
On a more serious note, take care of your self and remember to bend a friends ear when you need to, even emails help.

[Deleted User]

Hi ((Hecke)), I'm very sorry your husband is ill, I hope he is comfortable, and that the diagnosis will be a reassuring one. Try to keep busy, and be calm, try not to worry too much at this stage, what happens, happens, but we're also here for you.

Little M.iss Happy

(((HH))) thinking of you. As others have said, take the time and make the effort to look after yourself as well as hubby.

[Deleted User]

((((HH))))) can only echo the thoughts and advice of the others
you take care and look after yourself as well as hubby x

Beans

HH, can't add anything to the advice already given, personally I am cr@p at coping with things like this.

Just know that your friends on this site will all be thinking of you and hubby and sending good vibes your way.

[Deleted User]

HH - Just to say my thoughts are with you and Mr H. Take care of yourself as well as Mr H. Your friends will always be there for your support.

[Deleted User]

Hen
Thoughts with you.

There are always way through these things.

[Deleted User]

Evening all...your support is wonderful. Thank you.

Mr HH is more comfortable tonight and alert enough to glare at the doctor when told he could be in hospital for up to 2 weeks recovering from the op!

EP - yes, this could all be an elaborate way to get out of marathon training. And strangely enough, he started getting ill the night before we had planned a spring clean of the house...

[Deleted User]

Good luck HH. Your sense of humour is still working, that's a good sign! Take care.

Duck Girl

(((HH & husband)))
Glad to hear he seems a bit better - tell him to make the most of being in hospital. My Dad was in over Christmas, and rather enjoyed lots of nurses bringing regular cups of tea, docs paying him attention, and having interesting machines with wires & flashing lights & beeps to watch - being ill at home wasn't nearly as much fun!
Holding you both in the Light.

[Deleted User]

LOL to the glare!!!!!