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What's the worst joke that you've ever heard?
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in Clubhouse
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken's foot.
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I have fought and beaten my addiction. I was hooked on the hokey cokey.
But I've turned myself around, and that's what it's all about.
did you hear about the man who had a trumpet buried in his garden?
he had to root-it-oot
Did I tell you what my favourite curry sauce is? It's tarka.
Like tikka, but a little 'otter.
What sort of cheese can you hide a horse in?
Mascarpone.
Lance Armstrong - It's not about the Bike !!! Apparently, he was right
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea!
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea...
Runners World Forum Moderators
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no willy?
Still no f*cking idea!
As told by a 17 year old 6th form student at my school earlier this week:
"What do you call a donkey with no eyes?
No idea
wait, did I get that right?"
This Ladies and Gentlemen is the future generation
What you need is a donkey joke that works.
What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A wonky!
What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.
What do you call a vampire with a bag?
Sackula.
Bear with me or just skip to the next post....
A wide-mouth frog leaves his pond and see the world.
He met a large, four-legged black and white animal with two horns, and said (Open mouth very wide and say) "Hello, I'm a wide-mouth frog, what are you, and what do you eat?"
"I'm a cow, and I eat grass"
(Open mouth very wide and say) "Oh", said the wide-mouth frog, "is that so."
The wide-mouthed frog then came to a huge bird with sharp talons and a curved beak. (Open mouth very wide and say) "Hello, I'm a wide-mouth frog, what are you, and what do you eat?"
"I'm an eagle, and I eat little birds and mice"
(Open mouth very wide and say) "Oh", said the wide-mouth frog, "is that so."
Next another large four-legged creature, standing on his hind legs, with sharp claws. (Open mouth very wide and say) "Hello, I'm a wide-mouth frog, what are you, and what do you eat?"
"I'm a bear, and I eat honey"
(Open mouth very wide and say) "Oh", said the wide-mouth frog, "is that so."
The wide-mouthed frog reached a river, and here was a long green slimy creature with huge jaws. (Open mouth very wide and say) "Hello, I'm a wide-mouth frog, what are you, and what do you eat?"
"I'm an alligator and I eat wide-mouth frogs."
(Speak with mouth very slightly opened, bit like a cats bum and say) "Oh", said the wide- mouth frog, "you don't see many of those, do you."
yes, it does work better visually
I went to the doctor and said "Doctor, you've got to help me, I'm in a terrible state - I can't stop myself singing "The Green, Green Grass of Home" at all hours of the day and night".
So the doctor says "Don't worry about it, I know just what that is - It's called "Tom Jones syndrome".
So I said "Tom Jones syndrome ? I've never heard of that, is it very common ?
And the Doctor says "Well ... It's not unusual "
One of Tommy Cooper's finest.
What's an asthmatic's favourite song? Every breathe you take.
What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?
Bing sings,
and Walt Disney.
What goes 100 bump 100 bump 100 bump?
A centipede with an erection.
Whats the difference between a tyre and 365 condoms ?
Ones a Goodyear and the other is a very good year !
What do you call a karaoke singer from Mumbai?
Gettupta Singh.
He was dead.
Boom boom.
I've been sorting out an issue with my computer. It kept singing songs at me.
It's a Hewlett Packard, but sometimes it thinks it's a Dell.
My favourite joke of the week
listen to this, not the current episode but episode 34 "11th century porn" at minute 22:48 and it lasts 4 mins. It's very offensive. http://pennsundayschool.com/page/episodes
This year for halloween I am going to get a Jimmy Saville outfit; that should scare those fucking trick or treaters away!
Four minutes of my life I will never get back ...
Good work Muttley. My dad liked the hokey cokey one.
I think I must have missed it.
It's the joke about the bear, Wilkie.
This is a thread about really bad jokes. Beware.