I didn't hear a joke about a bear, or anything very offensive. Just some American talking about sex toys and promoting a store which would give 50% off your order if you gave his name!
A man walks into the Butchers Shop, he says to the Butcher "I'll have a pound of Sausages please" Butcher replies "we only do Kilos here". Man replies "well, alright then, I will have a pound of Kilos"
I didn't hear a joke about a bear, or anything very offensive. Just some American talking about sex toys and promoting a store which would give 50% off your order if you gave his name!
I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said 'I careered off the road'
listen to this, not the current episode but episode 34 "11th century porn" at minute 22:48 and it lasts 4 mins. It's very offensive. http://pennsundayschool.com/page/episodes
Four minutes of my life I will never get back ...
Totally agree Muttley, might've been funny if it had actualy been offensive.
Like statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
An Eskimo's car breaks down in Wales and he phones the AA. The AA man examines the engine and say "Ah, I see the problem. You've blown a seal." The Eskimo replies "So what? You shag sheep, but I didn't mention that!"
Comments
I didn't hear a joke about a bear, or anything very offensive. Just some American talking about sex toys and promoting a store which would give 50% off your order if you gave his name!
Perhaps I should try again.
A man walks into the Butchers Shop, he says to the Butcher "I'll have a pound of Sausages please" Butcher replies "we only do Kilos here". Man replies "well, alright then, I will have a pound of Kilos"
A union shop steward reads his daughter a bedtime story. "Once upon a time and time and a half on Saturdays..."
That's the only 'joke' on this thread that actually made me giggle
I wouldn't bother. I'll tell you it some time.
what do you do with a dead chemist?
barium!
I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'
This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'
I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.
I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said 'I careered off the road'
Why is Santa's sack so full?
Because he only comes (cums) once a year.
Totally agree Muttley, might've been funny if it had actualy been offensive.
Like statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
Two men walk in to a bar...
...you'd have thought that one of them would have seen it!
Why shouldn't you make fun of a dwarf with learning difficulties?
Because it's not big and it's not clever.
The wife and I have just watched 3 dvds back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the telly.
A man was arrested for pickpocketing dwarves. How could he stoop so low?
I was lying in bed with the wife and I said "You know, you remind me of the lottery".
She said "Why, do you feel like you've won the jackpot?"
"No, I wish you'd f***ing rollover!"
RUDE JOKE ALERT! IF EASILY OFFENDED, DON'T READ IT, INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING AFTERWARDS!
Paddy and Murphy are sitting in the pub.
Paddy: I'm just off over there to chat the woman up.
Murphy: Ok.
Paddy: Hello there, you're looking sexy tonight.
Woman: Actually I'm a lesbian.
Paddy: What's a lesbian.
Woman: Well you see that woman over there with the big boobs and the short skirt? I'd like to take her to bed and lick her minge out.
Paddy: I asked her and she said she's a lesbian.
Murphy: What's a lesbian?
Paddy: I'm still not quite sure, but I think that I'm a lesbian as well.
I must be desensitised, I didn't think that was rude at all?
How do you get down from a giraffe?
You don't, you get down from a duck.
An Eskimo's car breaks down in Wales and he phones the AA. The AA man examines the engine and say "Ah, I see the problem. You've blown a seal." The Eskimo replies "So what? You shag sheep, but I didn't mention that!"
How does a snake keep his car windscreen clear?
With windscreen vipers.
What are the fastest fish in the water?
A motor pike and a side carp.
A new tribe has been discovered on a remote Pacific island. They count 2,4,6,8,10,12 then beat up outsiders.
Apparently they only like heathan numbers.
My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas today.
"How about a blow-job?" I said.
"Well, you'll have to wait and see what you get from Father Christmas," she replied.
Great. If I'd wanted a fat lump with a white beard to suck my cock, I'd have asked her mother.
Woman: We're having my mother for dinner tomorrow.
Man: Well you will need a bigger over if you are going to cook that fat cow in it.