Xmas day disasters? Bit of fun...?

Well, the mains water packed up at 07.45 due to a burst main so no parkrun as no shower after and potentially no Xmas veg/tea etc. Youngest boy cried coz Father Xmas hadn't brought him same as his bro. Eldest boy not feeling well, so I went round mother in law to pick her and turkey up. Turkey spilled raw turkey juice all over rear of my brand new four day old car (at least it's a shit Fiat with no carpets so it's not all bad). Then I dropped the turkey on the floor. The rest of the crowd turned up at 1pm, Dirty Barry and Pervy Dick (deported from Thailand twice) smoked all afternoon while stoking an open fire in the garden (must do a soup kitchen next year), 

Finally settled down just before dinner at 6pm. All 8 of us sat around the table eating dinner. Youngest son banging on about pulling crackers, eldest sulking in other room in his rollerblades not feeling well so no dinner for him. Pervy Dick's guts decide that after a year of alcohol and crisps and peanuts for main meals, they ain't gonna put up with no healthy vegetable and meat shit and fire pigs in blankets like a demented belt fed mortar everywhere. Tries to catch follow up pavement pizza in hands and leg it to bog, trips on chair, head first into bog. We just (I am almost ashamed to say) just shut the fecking door, me bemoaning a waste of good lager. Youngest says, "Can we pull a cracker now"

Anyway, they went a bit later, we played Dettol the house and totally missed Dirty Barry reversing into the big metal post outside the front of the house and knocking it over.

Christmas is orsum.