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On The Wagon For January
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I've been enjoying a sober start to the year. Mid week now easy, but steak and home made chips was incomplete without a rather splendid red the other day. None of us are perfect, well I'm not clearly!
I'm going to stick to being quite good I think.
Well done to everyone who has been very good.
morning
still rolling along on the wagon, although yesterday was the most challenging of the month so far. Snow, work problems, family problems all accumalated to get me thinking wistfully of the booze aisle in the supermarket. But having to sort grandchildren and have them overnight helped the resolve somewhat!
Oh dear, I fell off good and proper last night. I also scoffed an enormous packet of kettle chips which is what always happens when the wine flows. I have woken up feeling bloated and have a dry mouth. Not nice but it has reminded me of why I should cut back ont he alcohol in the future.
Feeling rather disgusted with myself now. Have to pick myself back up and climb on board again, not bad I suppose for my first ever journey.
Morning
lowers tail gate to let wobblers back on
Not sure how long I will take it on to be honest I think I need to keep it up until I stop thinking about a drink when I am at home and bored. There are more helpful things to spend time pondering
I'm still on the wagon and as the days pass, I feel better and better about my decision. And better physically too.
I think maybe people have different aims. Being able to drink in moderation is admirable, but sometimes people just find they drink too often and want a break for a while. Which is good for body and for soul. But also, being able to drink in moderation means a glass of wine or bottle of beer can be a good way to let your worries go and relax for a little bit. No harm there.
For me the aim is to say goodbye for good. I have been fooling myself for years thinking I can drink in moderation, but in real life it's the alcohol that controls me, not the other way round. I would make up excuses to go to a shop knowing very well subconsciously that there's nothing I need from the shop but I just want to buy that bottle. Being a regular customer in the nearby asda, making sure I don't get the same person at the till so that they won't think I have a problem with drinking. If I went one Friday without a drink due to having to work, and a Saturday due to race, I would obsessively play catch up from Sunday afternoon, feeling rough and guilty on the Monday.... Being pissed off all day, might continue it on Monday and some nights mid week, not able to get out for a run in the morning, playing catch up with work and life in general.... just waiting for a weekend so I could make another excuse going to a shop....
It was on my mind ALL THE TIME.
When I quit smoking in 2007, I did it because I didnt want to smoke anymore. I had tried before but I enjoyed it too much. Before, it felt hard to quit something I enjoyed doing. Years passed and I started to dislike the smell, how it made me feel, the fact I couldnt breathe properly... I was just sick of it and I knew I NEVER wanted to smoke again. So I quit. And it was easy.
THAT'S the difference for me. It clicked in a Christmas party. I didnt like what alcohol did to me. Yes I enjoyed taste of wine and beer, how it made me feel.... but what came with it over weighed the enjoyment. And after having a conversation with a friend about quitting smoking, it just hit me. Easy. I don't want to quit drinking for a while. I want to quit. I know how it tastes like. I know what being tipsy feels like. I know what being so drunk feels like that I can't remember the events of conversations I've had with people. I know what hangover feels like. Minor one with a headache, dry mouth and a mind that just sits still unwilling to understand anything. A massive one where I can't stand up without feeling nauseous and sick, vomiting in the toilets at work, not being able to eat. Lying there helpless, feeling that all I want to do is to feel better, go for a run, breathe fresh air, have a peace in my head. I know what all that feels like. I have experienced it. And I choose not to feel like that again. It's not like a glass of wine now would bring me anything new. I just want to feel fresh and calm.
Oops. Long post!
Ellie, maybe you and I were separated at birth
Having said that, it's been many years since I got to the state of so hungover in the mornings that "A massive one where I can't stand up without feeling nauseus and sick, vomiting in the toilets at work, not being able to eat. Lying there helpless, feeling that all I want to do is to feel better,", but I have been there. I've kept what I kidded myself was control because my brother died in his 40s with liver failure through alcohol. He really had hit rock bottom, a talented musician with kids and a family ended his days in a Doss house busking for his brandy!
I don't drink spirits and usually stick to the red wine, but it was every night - every night. I would stop for months at a time when there was a reason (like marathon training), then just Friday and Saturday. Then a build up to every night over the next few months. As with you, I would be ending the work day with thoughts of the drink I would have with my evening meal, going to different supermarkets on the way home.
I have done the stop, then one day, build up, stop cycle many many times, maybe it's time now to say stop the cycle. Oh but I do like the taste and effect of a good red wine !!!!
Keep it up everyone.
Thanks for your post Elli. A lot of food for thought there. This is my final attempt at moderation and if this fails then its total abstinence. Stories like yours really help me to keep things in check.
Alcohol-free Cobra - I found this to be an acquired taste, it has a sort of aftertaste to it thats not pleasant to begin with. Erdinger is better as is Beck's Blue.
SD, thank you I hope it can be of help
All the best with your attempt, I hope it will be a right decision for you which ever way you decide to go.
I really struggled understanding at what point does the drinking become a problem. When looking at AA sites, I didnt fit all the criteria of an alcoholic. I think for me it would have been easier if I had, then I would have known I must quit. Someone telling me yes you are an alcoholic would have been a wake up call. But because there were things that didnt quite match the criteria, I should have been OK. I should have been OK to just have the one drink.
It was only after talking to other alcoholics that I realised nobody is going to tell me what to do. I decide myself if my drinking is a problem for me (and those close to me). If I find it a problem, then I have a problem. It's my life. I choose.
I can never have that one drink and for me it's always staying away from that one drink as it will turn to two and three and eventually that vicious cycle that Ye Old Dragon described.
Anyway, well done all so far
I only drunk on the weekends but also found that Moderation was hard. Got to the point of hating the feeling of waking up with a fuzzy head and feeling lethargic. Also, when I look back at some if the silly things I've done or said after alcohol it's no wonder I want to quit.
But most of all it puts weight on me especially because after drink
I want to eat, eat and eat. It also meant that I missed too many early Sat and Sun morning runs.
Now, got up this morning after a great nights sleep (best for a long long time) and got out for an early morning run on the beach - avoiding the snow. Feeling good.
Hi all,
SO I tried to join, then had a friend's 30th on the 5th so had a few pints. Then lasted until Wednesday when I was away with work and invited out for dinner, so 2 halfs of lager. Then a pint today at lunch.
Last year I needed to not drink to get up early to train; I lasted to mid feb, then hardly drank at all. So now I'm aiming to do the same this year - just cut back. For me it's un-needed calories.
Well done those that are still dry, and good luck those that are struggling.
Not been on for a while as im ashamed to say l fell off the wagon last weekend. Was the same old story, sod all on telly, bored in the house, friends asking me what im doing, ahhhhhhh what the hell, im off out.
lm not going to beat myself up over it, and i've not drank with anything like the regularity of what l was doing before crimbo so that's a starting point.
Hope the rest of you are all still doing really well. when l have a bit more time on my hands i'll have a read back through the past few pages to see how everyones doing.
Anyway, cheers
I haven't been on the thread for a week or so, but I'm still on the wagon - slowly rolling along....
Well done to everyone, including those who have fallen off and climbed back on!
YP
nice one Kev
Isn't it odd how alcohol is so dominant in this society? It's hard to avoid adverts, people drinking in telly dramas and so much allusion to drinking everywhere! Have you noticed that the booze aisle in the supermarkets are bigger than the veg and fresh fish aisles?
I'm in a position now that I can't train cos I have two small kiddies in the house! I didn't realise how much my freedom meant to me until I lost it (it is temporary though). The positive thing about that is that I couln't drink if I wanted to in case the kiddies need me at night.
Morning
Well done one and all
In theory I should be about £15 a week better off - not sure how I afforded it at the moment although I was doing slightly more hours before xmas
No huge weight loss but my clothes are slowly getting looser
These lifestyle changes have been amazing! Went running at 9am in the snow and ice this morning at minus temperatures. There's no way I would have done that 4 weeks ago!
I was out in the snow and ice too RK - exhilarating!
Yet another headache today, had it most of the day and still here despite having downed in excess of two litres of water this evening!
Not exactly feeling as fresh ans rejuvenated as some but I must be healthier as a result!
Mr F having done some very radical diet changes in the past that led to my body having a damn good clear out you can feel knackered, headachy, light headed and all sorts while your bosy addapts to less toxins. It will pass
Time I looked at the clean diet again - I slept well after about a month of that
Hopefully you will feel the benefits soon Mr F.
The clean diet was a vegan diet with a high proportion of raw food - like veganism its a lifestyle choice but my head has never been in teh right place to stick with it past 6 weeks despite how good I felt
Tonight marks three weeks folks
Mr F it certainly does
See my halo there?
Had a difficult day, took Mr Soup to A&E and they've admitted him. Called at the supermarket on my way home feeling very sorry for myself and him and picked up 3 bottles of ale marked 3 for £5. Got to the check-out and decided to put them back in favour of Becks Blue. Drinking it now.
Its getting easier.