Right .... Never done it but have thought about this a lot. Temptation you see.
Ever run a race and thought 'this one has a nifty short cut, just pop in that field for a pee and ...' or 'why bother doing 2 loops when one will suffice' ? Ever spotted someone popping out from behind a bridge and thought 'you don't look too sweaty my son' ?
Well .... How about a compendium of how and where best to cheat. You know, you have bet your mates in the pub that you can do a 1:20 half marathon but the best you have ever achieved is 1:50. You need to get your 'result' recorded so you can win a free night on the lash but you don't want to get caught ...... so you consult a nifty little thread on Runners World Forums which handily contains all the best cheats.
A bit like typing 'idkfa' when playing Doom.
Rosie Ruiz need not apply. We are looking for real Kwality Cheats ;-)
Comments
I'll kick things off
Llanelli Waterside 1/2
Method: Chip timing, but no mats at the two turns. Run slowly to mile 2, sit down, tie your laces or have a pee in a bush. In a few minutes the runners come back from the turn, which is at about 3.5 miles and you just nonchalantly join back in, going the other way of course. Can be repeated at mile 10.
Gain: 4.5 miles
Dishonesty factor: 7/10
Kruff Cardiff 10k
Method: At the start, just walk really slow. No need to run or anything. Just tag along with the walkers right at the back. When you come to the entrance to the park, which should be about mile 1 the marshals will have lost patience and will send you off as if you have re-entered the park at about mile 4. Time to start running, only 2.2 miles to go !
Gain: 3 Miles
Dishonesty Factor: 3/10
Just to underline the point, this is all in the best possible taste.
Lake Vyrnwy
Method - After about 2 miles, just walk through the trees, swim the width of the lake and hey presto you are instantly at mile 11.
Gain - 9 Miles
Dishonesty Factor - 7/10
Stupidity Margin - 92%
oh yes
some good ones avaialable
cardiff mara(now defunct)-but a good 2 loper with a bit around the barrage you can cut off-seen people do it
Wolvo mara, a 2 looper with 3 loops around west park, which you could leave out
Abingdon mara-old course-turn right instead of left at 18 miles and youve only a mile to go to the end
Monring Hipps, HC.
Ponty Reverse 10
Hide in an industrial estate at the start. When the runners re-pass the start at mile 4 just hop back in. Then at mile 5.5 duck under the railway bridge, wait a bit then hop back in again with under 2 miles to go. A bit of grandstanding with a sprint finish would be nice.
the thing is, no-one wwould believe me if i posted a superb marathon time;)
I shall print this out before is gets kazzed.
ponty 10 on there.....is that not due?
Merthyr 10k
I can knock 4 miles off? Plus no hiding as such or marshalls to avoid!
Lol ! Indeed.
I have noticed things when running some races, and I reckon I have spotted quite a few on the FLM who I reckon have not run the full Monty. You know, everyone on the last mile is sweating and sort of desperate looking and someone trots past at break neck speed looking like they have just popped out for a quick 800m.
Me and boff have a suspect for that alex.
(not you BTW!)
Thinking about.....swansea tri, short cut the bike route in sketty?
Method: Not sure how the chip timing would work but that may be the least of your worries! Jump off Tower Bridge just before half way, next thing you know you've only 3 and a half miles to go
Gain: 9+ miles
Dishonesty factor: 8/10
Getaway with it likelihood: 0/10
There's one small loop and then two larger ones. Usually the leaders lap the main field while they are still on their first large lap so it would be quite easy to just follow them in and forget the second.
anyway-its alll academic
Can you imagine me doing a sub 4 hour marathon?
falls on floor laffing
I think to cheat convincingly at the FLM would take quite a bit of planning. You will need to know where all the mats are, work out routes that will save you time whist still taking you across the mats and a list of when you should cross each mat for a desired finish time. Possibly a mate on a scooter to ferry you between them would be handy.
TOP TIP
Runners when feeling a bit tired hitch a lift from the bike filming on the route.
You could use heelies (those trainers with the wheel in the heel) and just get towed along.
now this was not me talking this, but my 7 year old daughter, when i was explaining that the goal was to finish it without walking and hopefully within 1:50.
she said " dad, car'nt i go on my bike with your number so you can finish it sooner"
i laughed, but at 10 miles when the blister kicked in, i wished i had taken her up on the offer.
but the question will be....... would this constitute cheating?
Two lap course that had no marshalls to speak of on the Downs. loads of people cut off a big corner. I didn't because it also meant missing a water station, which had loads left over
I bet there's a few runners who are inventive when it comes to their age if they think they could grab a veteran prize.
Don diving tank and lurk under the water as 1st few swimmers pass over popout and swim last 100m to transition.
Just a thought
Advantages :- miss out nasty nasty hill and long not too steep windy hill
Gain roughly 5k
I always miss the obvious!
Sit in pub drinking beer and wait until leader go passed then climb over the fence and rejoin race
Give your race number to your speedy friend.
Mrs W had an e-mail from a friend congratulating her on going sub-2 at a half recently. She had to confess that it wasn't her.
Prague Half Mara - loads of out and back bits and no timing chip pads I can remember. You could save a couple of miles here at least.
... or, indeed, a fetishist man.
Coming back to the tri, I have a half formed idea for the bike stage involving a photo-voltaic suit (wearable solar array), contacts via cleats, and a small brushless motor in the wheel hub. Now all I need to do is figure out how to avoid leaving behind a tell-tale trail of electrocuted fish.