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A psychology of running
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There was a story in the press recently about an obsessive angler who claimed to have caught the largest trout in British history; a huge achievement in the angling world I presume, where millions take up the rod every weekend.
After several months of fame the man broke down and confessed to the media that the trout he had 'caught' was actually floating upside down when he found it.
The man explained how he had spent a long time in therapy because his relationships with his wife and children had broken down as a result of his growing obsession with angling.
In therapy he claims to have discovered the reason why his obsession with fishing became all-encompassing.
He said that he now understood that his feelings of low self-esteem drove him away from family and friends to his angling room, where he would work away until the early hours preparing flies and tackle. The trout hoax was the culmination of a long process whereby the man had begun to live his life, his hopes, fears and dreams of achievement, through his angling
This story caused me to consider my own 'obsession' in a new light.
I live in a large city and have a stressful job. I often feel that familier sickening sensation of sinking. I feel insecure and depressed at times. I also feel that I am constantly falling short in terms of expectations. I certainly do not feel in control of my life or my future.
I discovered running during a particularly bad period at work. I had been threatened with the sack because of 'poor performance'. I suffered terrible panic, depression and loss of confidence. Running seemed to me like a natural 'aide' to help to turn the situation around because it meant early nights, no alcohol, discipline, focus and a fresh and energised start to the day (before even the boss had arrived at the office, obviously).
Perhaps most important of all, running had given my shattered ego a small boost; a measure of attainment and affirmation each and every day. They could take everything from me, but they could NOT take away my running.
I looked around at the office each day and, unlike myself, no-one had managed an 8 mile run into work at pace that morning. No one had run a marathon that year. Even if they were somehow better than me because they were cleverer and valued by the organisation (whereas I was a loser, a hanger-on) no one had been a winner - even an insignificant, silent, token winner - that day.
Things are tough again and I am training for a marathon this Autumn. I hope to better my pb but it is a tough course, I hear.
After several months of fame the man broke down and confessed to the media that the trout he had 'caught' was actually floating upside down when he found it.
The man explained how he had spent a long time in therapy because his relationships with his wife and children had broken down as a result of his growing obsession with angling.
In therapy he claims to have discovered the reason why his obsession with fishing became all-encompassing.
He said that he now understood that his feelings of low self-esteem drove him away from family and friends to his angling room, where he would work away until the early hours preparing flies and tackle. The trout hoax was the culmination of a long process whereby the man had begun to live his life, his hopes, fears and dreams of achievement, through his angling
This story caused me to consider my own 'obsession' in a new light.
I live in a large city and have a stressful job. I often feel that familier sickening sensation of sinking. I feel insecure and depressed at times. I also feel that I am constantly falling short in terms of expectations. I certainly do not feel in control of my life or my future.
I discovered running during a particularly bad period at work. I had been threatened with the sack because of 'poor performance'. I suffered terrible panic, depression and loss of confidence. Running seemed to me like a natural 'aide' to help to turn the situation around because it meant early nights, no alcohol, discipline, focus and a fresh and energised start to the day (before even the boss had arrived at the office, obviously).
Perhaps most important of all, running had given my shattered ego a small boost; a measure of attainment and affirmation each and every day. They could take everything from me, but they could NOT take away my running.
I looked around at the office each day and, unlike myself, no-one had managed an 8 mile run into work at pace that morning. No one had run a marathon that year. Even if they were somehow better than me because they were cleverer and valued by the organisation (whereas I was a loser, a hanger-on) no one had been a winner - even an insignificant, silent, token winner - that day.
Things are tough again and I am training for a marathon this Autumn. I hope to better my pb but it is a tough course, I hear.
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Comments
Good luck with the marathon it may be tough but at least it will be enjoyable and it will be yours, no one can take that away from you.
I guess like all these things though, if something becomes all important to you, you lose sight of other things in your life. And what would happen if you got an injury and couldn't run again? I guess you just have to be sensible about trying to balance all the things that you have to do and like to do.
I think it might have something to do with the fact that running is purely about YOU - no support or need for bike, pool, gym or anyone else. Maybe it's confidence-boosting in that respect as your achievements, from doing a pb in a race to getting yourself out of bed and running into work at the start of the day, are purely down to youself, and no-one can take that away from us!
My running was born out of a tough time in my life. It was (and maybe still is) my "great escape".
Good luck with your marathon Splints (which one is it by the way?) - run and enjoy - hope you manage to get the new PB you're aiming for.
I am new to running and started it for weight loss 3 months ago. I haven't lost weight. I do look slimmer. My heart is better. And I feel GOOD. Like you, Splints, I am working with people who achieve nothing new from year to year, let alone week to week. For me my every distance increase is a triumph.
Good luck in the marathon. Go for pb. Whatever you achieve it will be more than 99.9% of the population ever will.
Trouble is he is a compulsive individual who has to be the BEST. I was terrified he'd 'take away' my running.
His boasts about times and distances so put me down I virtually gave up.
I got back into things after we both signed up for the Loch Ness Marathon. I just did it because I felt sort of obliged to I ran last year and he is charging at it with a zeal.
I had slowed down amazingly and felt so inferior compared to what I was and he was running at that time. The turning point was a blazing row about pettiness, obsession, boasting, times, distances and EVERYTHING! I stormed off home. Then thought 'Stuff it! (or words to that effect) and ran a mile in 7 min (Ive been running at 10 and it was a HOT day) I crossed paths with my husband as I was standing there trying to decide whether to throw up, faint, laugh or cry. He says he loves me cos I dont give up and now I realise I cant compete with him he is 8 inches taller than me and male and Im no Paula. But I can challenge myself. I took my running away from me not him.
IM BACK! and I think all the hassle has made me a mentally stronger runner....just got to get back the speed
I am sure you all agree ?
Lurvechild
Now it is sorted out my husband and I have a couple of runs a week together and the long weekend run. Then he does speed word on another night when I x-train do road work or have my rest day. If were both running its a toss up for the dog!
We both get space as well as the encouragement of running with a friend and the dog....well, he just runs about like a mad thing regardless, happy little woof.
I too started running during a difficult time of my life - one which I'm nearly out of once I start my new job. Running has been the only positive thing in my life lately and its something that I've thrown myself into like I've never done with anything before. I agree with those who say its something that I can't do with, or for, anyone else. I did my first 5k yesterday and the sense of achievement was huge and all my own (but helped along by an enourmous amount of encouragement from people on this site)
When I took up running I found it got rid of a lot of anger and frustration and I was able to feel a sense of achievement that perhaps was and is lacking in other areas of my life. My wife being a runner of some years showed me how to do it properly and not being a competitive person I have never had any problem with her being faster than me. I'm actually quite proud of her, I go at my pace and she goes at hers. I've never won any races or been anywhere near. The achievement and self fulfillment I feel comes from just being able to run the distances that I now can and at my age. I never would have dreamed that I would do it, complete half marathons and a full one.
I enjoy the running community because wtih few exceptions most runners know what it takes to get out the door and do the distances and whatever level there is a respect for that. There are no shortcuts in training to run the distances.
I couldnt be proud or pleased I was just eaten up with jealousy.
The truly truly daft bit was that the main gap where he improved and I deteriorated was caused by me breaking my leg (out running), I saw him go out every night but yeah like I could train on crutches.
OK I can see how UTTERLY dumb I was now
I would just want to add that don't forget that bullying and failing to value staff is a feature of a lot of modern managers - most of whom are themselves insecure in both their abilities and their contracts. Their autocratic attitude says more about them than it does you.
I look forward to the day when people are not so cowed by management (truth to tell, I look forward to the day when some of my managers are hanging from lamposts by piano wire, while we, the workers, dance and have barbecues under their dangling feet).
Sorry, I got carried away there. All I really wanted to say is that don't forget there is also a political dimension to managment bullying. Running (in the absence of a decent and effective union) is also a coping mechanism for me but I look forward to the day we can fight back.
I still get a buzz out of going out for runs of different paces. Many times I got out to train for faster times, others for enjoyment.
You're right - no-one can take your achievements away from you.
`Poor performance' - pah!
Maybe if we chopped up all our desks and those stupid drawer things that everybody loses the keys to, covered them in tip ex and torched them, now that would be a good fire !
LC
The best are those (like mine) who motivate by helping you to find and expoit your own talents - we all have them.
Splint, your talents are obviously that you are articulate, expressive and sensitive. Without wanting to be simplistic and not knowing your circumstances, are you in the right job? Are you equipped to change field or in the position to make yourself equipped? Think about it. Running is great but you need more.
Come the revolution I'll need someone in my Department of Running...
I agree with your sentiments re Managers. It took me a long while to realise this and I think this is backed up by the subsequent entries to this thread:
There are Managers and there are Leaders ! Don't confuse the two, They are not the same thing !!
ps: but just to show that it's not all competitive, we're going to do a biking/running duathlon together. :-)
I so agree with you. My husband insisted on coming out with me, and I was glad because I run quite late at night (I dislike being yelled at by drivers). What really irritated me was that I would do my 4 min run, 2 min walk routine and I would be quite tired (no exercise for 20 years) and he would trot alongside me commenting on how HE wasn't tired at all (6'2" 10 st racing snake). In the end, after weeks of feeling that my every success was being belittled, we came to a compromise. I still run late at night and he accompanies me on his bike. Slowly.
I came up against some criticism at the weekend from both a runner and a non runner and it really pissed me off. Myself and running partner are training for the Great North Run. We decided to give up booze for 3 months while we complete a training schedule and have been teased and criticised for that. We have also been criticised for the fact we are estimating 2 1/4 hours to complete the race. This is our first half marathon so any time will be a PB. Can I add at this point that these are criticisms from men!
Why do people feel the need to put down your effort at something that you love and are thriving to achieve at??? Is it out of jealousy or is it that it makes them recognise their own inadequacies??
God, I feel like Carrie Bradshaw!!!
But then reading this thread has given me hope again - and that you're all quite right, it's about doing the best by ourselves and I really must try and stop feeling that I must measure up to everyone else and just be happy to be me with my own personal achievements. After all, I wouldn't believe it if this time last year someone told me that I'd now be running 5 miles so I should be pretty chuffed with that alone even if it is a v.v.slow time (55mins on average).
Thanks for inspiring me on a v.very wobbly day.
SG
PS - Lytical - you always seem to give such sound advice, thank you! And I'm reassured to hear that you aren't managing to lose weight either (one of the reasons I took it up), but on the positive side, I'm not putting it on so it's not all bad!!
PPS - the person that laughed at me for running does now ask how I'm doing and when I said I was now managing 5 miles he did manage to say "That's very good, I could never do that" - hah!!
(training for my 5th one now)
Knobs to em!
There are clubs you can't belong to, neighborhoods you can't live in, schools you can't get into, but the roads are always open.
Anon quotes but along the lines of this forum !?
I've only been at this running lark for a couple of months and am thrilled that I can nip around a 5k in about 23 minutes. Alas though, I collapse after that. Did 1hr15min circuit of Richmond park last weekend, which was my limit - so I've an awful long, long way to go before I can reach 26.2 level. Just gonna have to get used to plodding along instead of all that rushing around. Go for it Shy Girl.
That says so much about everyone on here. Committment to going that little bit further, pushing back the boundaries of what we think is possible. I too am a "back of the packer", although I'm slowly getting faster :-), but if I come 100th out of 100 in a race, I'm still ahead of the everyone who didn't start.
I was never fit as a child or a teenager. I hated sports days, and was always last, while the trendyand popular girls won, or were picked for the netball team.
I recently ran a 10k in the town where I grew up, and at the finish (I took 61 minutes) I saw the name of one of the "popular" girls on the results board, with a time of 37 minutes. I have to admit, I felt a little dismayed, until Mr Nessie pointed out that I was looking at the 5k results.......... I almost cried with pride.
Rude, rude, rude, rude, rude!