Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Japanese man starts to yell louder. "You sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man. Go away!" and shuts the door in his face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Japanese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting and late in the afternoon he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Japanese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting "You sign! You sign!"
Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirtfront and yells at him; Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"
The little Japanese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says " You not Nissan Maindealer?"
0 ·
Comments
LMAO as they say round these parts.
There was once a horse and chicken who were best mates.
One day the horse, whilst out walking, fell down a well. The chicken heard
him shouting for help and said don't worry horse I'll be back to get you
out. Sure enough, 5 minutes later the chicken returns in his sports car, and
attaches a rope to it. He drops the rope down to horse and winches him to
safety. 'Thank god for that Chicken, that's one I owe you'
Two weeks later the chicken falls down the well. After a while the horse
hears his cries. 'Don't worry' says the horse I'll get you out. 'Thanks
horse' says the chicken ' just go and get my sports car'. 'No need' replies
the horse as he edges over the well and drops his willie down the well, and
winches the chicken out to safety.
The moral of the story is - IF YOU'RE HUNG LIKE A HORSE YOU DON'T NEED A
SPORTS CAR TO PULL THE CHICKS.
A Zebra
A stick.
That's got to be the worst joke that I've ever heard.
what do you do with a wombat?
play wom
A man in charge of a boating lake picks up his megaphone and shouts "Boat 61, your time is up".
His mate nudges him and says" we don't have a boat 61"
The man picks up his megaphone again and shouts" Boat 19 are you in trouble!!"
Well, it made me laugh....
how`s about lymericks
there was a young woman from crewe
who said as the vicar withdrew
the bishop is thicker
slicker, and quicker
and two inches longer than you
'Cause he's got no legs.
A pair of flip flips.
The doctors says " I can clearly see your nuts!!"
what do you reckon, 5/10 ....
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him “Juan".
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.
Her husband responds, "But they are twins.If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Amal."
A baboom!
Well as i found the first two opening jokes on this thread I shared them with my boyfriend (tried to do it without laughing but failed, which is probably why he thought they were tripe!!). I on the other hand think they are great and whilst sharing them at work I refrained myself from laughing and they got a great reception..
Must now share gdl's.
for a new striker to replace Emile Heskey and hopefully win Liverpool the
title.
One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will
turn out to be a true superstar. So Gerard flies to Iraq to watch him and
is
suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield.
Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down at home to Man Utd with only 20
minutes left. Houllier gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on and
he
takes off Emile Heskey.
The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for
Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted
and
the media love the new star.
When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum to tell her about his first
day in English football. "Hi Mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20
minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves
me, the fans, the players and the media, they all love me".
"Great," says his Mum, "let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot
in the street, your sister and I were mugged and beaten and your brother
has
joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time".
The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, but I'm so sorry".
"Sorry!" says his Mum, "It's your bloody fault that we moved to Liverpool
in
the first place!"
What do you call?
A Russian lemonade thief?
Knockacrateofpopoff
A Russian with three testicles?
whodyanickabollockoff
Russian prostitute?
knickersoffalot
Danish bottle washer?
Hans Datdodishes
Did you hear about the Japanese car thief -Tommy Tukamoto.