Things you want to say but can't



  • Worse than the munchers in the cinema...
    The ignorant feckers who rustle wrappers all the way through a stage show. It costs a sodding mortgage to go to the theatre. Why can't you just sit quietly until the interval?
    And why oh why madam must you bring your child to the show? He is too young to understand the story, too bored to enjoy the music and too ill-mannered to sit still. And you are a disgrace for encouraging him to fidget and climb and whinge and bounce for the entire performance.
    Ooh, I could spit I am so angry.
  • Flipperjane wrote (see)

    For God's sake you are here to watch a film not Eat for England.  Can you really not sit through one film without rustling sweet wrappers, opening noisy packets of sweets/crisps and crunching and munching all through the whole thing.  you're all really fat anyway and the last thing you need is all that crap you are shovelling into your gob.  If you are going to stuff your face at least do it quietly.

    from past experience it isn't good to have a rant like that at a gf when you can't here the TV or a DVD you have just put on. image
  • Deep breaths everybody,
    In.... Out.... In.... Out....
  • skotty - no I bet it isn't - specially not if she's eating cos she's pre menstrual.  ( shifts axe behind the sofa!!)
  • This one is from my teenage son posting under my login......

    Yes, I am a teenager. Yes I am wearing a hoody. This is because I live in England where it is bloody freezing most of the time and not because I am on drugs or going to f***ing stab you. Also, stop moaning about groups of us standing around in the street. We're not doing anything to hurt you, we're only chatting. So piss off and leave us alone.
  • Slo, I used to find groups of yoofs intimidating - after all the meeja is full of lurid tales about them - until my son was a similar age, then I realised that most of them are, as your son says, good kids.

    Mind you, I still keep an eye out for anything that seems more threatening - a group of testosterone fuelled adolescents full of booze can egg each other on to do daft things sometimes and I don't want to be in the middle of it.

  • I found myself hating JB the other day for starting this thread because he's turning me into an even GRUMPIER old bitch than I already am! image

    I had about four rants to post and now I can't remember any of them!

    Because I am not just grumpy. I am also SENILE.image

  • Slugsta, it was the same for me. I used to be intimidated by gangs of yoofs, but now I have a couple of my own (and very nice lads too, may I add)they don't bother me. In fact I usually smile and say hello to them, which causes them to shuffle their feet and mumble an embarrassed response to me. Which amuses me greatly.
  • *Refers LB to her own Facebook description*image
  • This thread would serve as a useful service to humanity, I would have thought!

    Dear friend of my husband

    In response to your enquiry, yes, our marriage is fine. No, I do not think he's having an affair. No, I have no worries on that score. No, I'm not going to discuss our sex life with you, it's none of your business. And, no, I do not find you attractive in that way. And NO, I do not want to have an affair with you. You're old enough to be my father, and I happen to be married and  I know it is terribly old-fashioned of me, but I promised to be faithful to him, and that's what I intend to be. Now take your disgusting suggestions out of my face before I do something I have never done in my life and tip that pint of beer in your face. *watches as beer cascades everywhere*

  • I think a note to his missus may have an educative effect...image
  • Mate, you drink too much. Way too much. You look seriously unhealthy. And it worries me that you eat so little. I think you are becoming alcohol dependant and I don't want that to happen because my father went that way and it killed him. I know that having done over 20 years in the army you have spent a lot of time in a heavy-drinking culture. And I know that after combat tours in all the big wars since the Balkans you have seen some unpleasant things. I don't mind listening to your army stories all over again (I know most of them by heart now), because you clearly need to unburden yourself and that is what mates are for. I'll listen and nod at the appropriate point in the story and drink this glass of wine, you can have the rest of the bottle and several cans of strong lager as well. I do enjoy your company and am pleased to see you when you stop by, but your drinking and the subsequent admittedly not too serious indiscretions that it causes are beginning to get tiresome and I really wish you would drink less and work it out of your system in a less self-destructive way.
  • I'd just like to say that when we had our office do a few weeks back i did share a twin-bedded room with a colleague (male) and that doesn't mean I'm gay because a) I'm not and b) I was rendered insensible by drink and could barely remember my own name so Kelly Brook could have been in the other bed and I would have still been comatose...
  • BB ✭✭✭

    *rings news of the world*

  • Dear dog walkers at the woods where I walk my dog.......

    Poo - yes we all know dogs poo in the woods, so if it's on the path *please* clear it up (it's not rocket science you know) unlike that mountain I had to negociate earlier image

    Also, if you *do* clear up after your dog, for fcuk's sake don't bag it and throw it on the floor  especially when the dog poo bin is only 50 yards away image

    that feels better image

  • Tough shit I am not going to pander to your needy self absorbtion.  You disgust me in so many ways and you can go and find someone else to project your own shit onto I am not playing.  Actually I stopped playing 12 months ago but you were, yep, you guessed it too self absorbed to notice.   You really need to stop trying being so whiter than white if people knew what I know they would not be pandering either but you are too weak to take the truth coming out and too fucked up to recognise it anyway

  • Johnny Blaze wrote (see)
    I'd just like to say that when we had our office do a few weeks back i did share a twin-bedded room with a colleague (male) and that doesn't mean I'm gay because a) I'm not and b) I was rendered insensible by drink and could barely remember my own name so Kelly Brook could have been in the other bed and I would have still been comatose...
  • If you've been affected by any of the issues raised in this thread, ring....image
  • The following things should be banned from all marathons:

    1 Fancy dress

    2 People who don't train at all and intend walking the course- they'd be the sponsored walkers then

    3 People who run 4 abreast to "be supportive" 

    4 Anyone cycling the course to support their mate

  • Gawd, I am so dead...
  • No - you are sooo right!

  • Banning Ipods is still at the consultative stage...image
  • I think elite athletes should be banned from normal marathons so the us fat buggers can feel better about ourselves
  • I'm not sure I agree with point 1.  I watched a half marathon this morning and saw a big furry cockroach do a good time and a gorilla put in an amazing sprint to the finish. image  Much laughter ensued from the sidelines.
  • Dear tw*t with the horse box on the A51 this morning during my triathlon.

    You have a sign on your box saying "please pass wide and slow"

    I would ask you to do the same for ME on my pushbike and if you try to put me in a ditch again I shall ensure you end up as glue, not your horse.


  • I once got beat by a man with a giant cheese on his head. How mortifying!
  • Maybe it was Cake JB.  (As in Cake on here, not the spongy variety.)

    How did you get on LB?

  • Parklife wrote (see)

    Maybe it was Cake JB. 

  • I've been beaten by scooby doo. Damn those pesky kids.
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