'Scientific' Laws of healthy eating
1. Modern transportation methods cause the breakdown of all fat and calories in imported food (eg Belgian chocolate)
2. Fruit breaks down all fat and calories in any foodstuff it touches (eg banana splits & Terry's chocolate orange)
3. All food consumed for charity (eg Children in Need cakes etc) is good for you
4. Breaking biscuits releases their fat and calories (as there appears to be a slight time delay in this effect, it is better to eat broken biscuits & those bits that sit at the bottom of the tin)
5. The brain activates a fat creating chemical reaction when it receives a message from the eye that sweet/fat/calorie intensive food is on it's way - by eating with your eyes closed this reaction is avoided (especially effective for chocolate eclairs)
NB no responsibility is accepted for any actions taken as a result of the publication of this information, particularly not for any dry cleaning bills associated with Law 5.
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Comments
Rather better argued than the case for the Atkins diet. It's still a load of dingo's kidneys though!
JJ
I thought the standing up thing was something to do with pregnancy???
Dubble (comic relief) chocolate is a good deed and therefore not a sin
Food doesnt have a consciousness therefore cannot distinguish between right and wrong therefore no food is evil ;- }}
foods bought in healthfood shops eg flapjacks oat cookies crunchy bars organic chocolate and flapjacks are healthy and therefore should be eaten everyday preferably in large quanties
carbohydrate and chocolate increase serotonin and therefore are medication (and should be available on prescription eh VRap ; -}})
Chocolate oranges are aromatherapy treatments as are any other highly spiced foods
Foods eaten and shared whilst online are virtual foods and therefore virtually calorie free
foods eaten whilst supportind people in distress are virtuous and therefore 'good'
(supporting people in distress may include - going to the pub at lunchtime, going for a coffee, etc)
* - note: runners doing less than 200 miles a week may not experience this effect
om mane padme mmmmmm
Unfortunately, the only foods for which this property has been claimed in more than one publication are hard-boiled eggs, raw celery, and unsweetened grapefruit.
Maybe it applies to dingo's kidneys too. Anyone desperate enough to put it to the test?
*fruit - anything that smells or tastes fruity like chocolate oranges or black cherry gateaux or key lime pie etc
OK, I'm paraphrasing a little. What it really says is that the single most important change most people could make to their diet is to eat more fruit and vegetables.
After all, nobody in government wants to blow their prospects of a lucrative directorship of Unilever or whatever by saying we should eat LESS of anything.
Any one else think its a good idea ?