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Pirate DIY Half IM, The second coming!
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the race didn;'t start till 7 mins past 10 brit so even better time..you looked strong all day and will do well at Outlaw.thanks for the umberella
Just found a pirate swimming cap too. Anyone's?
jo the cap is slags.
Race report from what I can recollect
Having put my 10th wedding anniversary on hold, I was up and raring to go for the Saturday. The early enthusiasm was tempered somewhat whe I opened the curtains to see rain and the trees bending in the wind. Not great conditions for a fair weather person like me.
Got to Chez SA in good time though and met those who had already got there and worked through the odd stage of "do I use my real name or do I use my forum name?". A mixture is the answer which means even now I'm not entirely sure who I met.
Off to the pool en masse and with 3 lanes to chose from I opted for the middle which worked out about right. Couple of over taking manouvers (passing and being passed). I seemed to make time up during the length then lose it on the turn around, which was odd as it is not like everyone else was doing tumble turns! Out of the pool in 41m:15s which is about what I expected. No running, bombing or heavy petting mean't it was an easy stroll to T2, out of the fire exit and in to an early summer downpour.
On with the heavy duty waterproof and off on to the bike course had T1 done in 3m:34s.
Now, I'm not sure if you have seen the picture of the Impossible / Penrose Staircase, but the course felt a little bit like that. At best I counted 9 climbs and 2 descents. I kept up a reasonable pace passing quite a few and was feeling quite smug until BBT went past me on about lap 9 like an Exocet Missile! It was only when I thought I'd finished that I realised that the feed station I'd passed throughout the morning was not SA's house where I'd been 4 hours earlier (I realy must pay more attention to things) and had to do a quick dash thought Macc to get to T2. Getting Lost Episode 1: I got completely confused and after asking directions, was met by Matt who too looked a little puzzled but spotted a Pirate sign which got us back on track and in to T2 in 3h:20m:50s
In to the garage and a quick change and was out of T2 in 3m:53s
My feet were still a little numb when I set out and my pace felt a little pedestrian. I was wrong, my first km went by in under 4m:30s. Getting Lost Episode 2: Passed Lee the Pea then hung a left when I should have gone straight on. Realised and ended up trying to find my way back through the estate. Fortunately, I recognised a junction from when I got lost at the end of the bike stage and worked my way back on to the course. Lap 2 felt horrible. Getting Lost Episode 3: Managed to pass by SA and then take another wrong turn. Luckily, he was in fine voice and shouted me back whcih meant I did not lose too much time. However, now being on the right path. I got to another junction which confused me so I had to wait for SA to catch up and point me in the right direction (lost about 3 minutes). Final 2 laps went off without incident and finished the run in 1h:37m:20s
Total finish time 5h:46m:52s
So, what have I learned?
A great day
Wrist band is mine.
I picked up the black speedo's at the pool, thought they belonged to Horse, left them in your garage just in case someone else has lost them.
Race Report
Saturday ....support day
Having established just a few hours earlier that we couldn’t actually get all the bikes and bits in one car we left at 5am in two cars for our 200 miles to Macclesfield. Caffeine stop at half way and made good time arriving at race HQ around half 8 . Fantastic sight with so many pirates about and great to see some familiar faces Horse , Razor , Jordy ,Soupy , Caz, Lee, Cake, and of course Mr and Mrs SA .. Lots of new faces too and it took a good part of the day to figure out who was who so apologies now if I called the wrong names out. Maybe , picking up on the name tags idea that someone else suggested , we should go for race numbers with names on ... if it gets much bigger it may actually need numbers just to keep tabs on everyone . Drove down to the pool to help in T1 , Marshalini setting up the bike racks (fantastic). The weather wasn’t kind on Saturday morning with a bit of a downpour to soak towels and clothes left on the bikes. The Leisure centre had allowed us use of the fire exit to get from pool to T1 , the door was defective as it made the strangest noise every time someone opened it to come out .. something like "jesuschristthatseffincold" From T1 up to Assassin Grandparents aka Feed Station 1 . Just the nicest people and kept us fuelled with tea , chip butties, cake , Keeping Liam entertained with WW2 motorbikes , Russian machine guns and koi carp. Always a laugh at the feed station with Button Mushroom.. offering gels to passing mountain cyclists , old ladies walking dogs , joggers , postmen , and of course the occasional passing Pirate. Silent Assassins call for a "high five" on the next loop was only ever going to end one way
. The confused look on his face as everyone held out an open palm shouting high five at him when he came past again was priceless. Among other feed station highlights was buttons jokingly out held chip butty that was collected with the efficiency of a swooping seagull by someone. Bloody good day .. good racing people .
Sat night Hotel
I feel we really added to the ambiance of the Britania Hotel Stockport .. between the Snoring , Farting and Burping, Button, Bumpy and myself achieved a level of disgustingness appropriate to the quality of our accommodation.
Swim
After a bit of a "im slow , no im slower no im slowest" debate between us all we eventually settled on lanes. Liam ( Son of slagiatt) was going to join in so my fellow slow laners kindly agreed that we would let him swim up and down against the wall and we would use the rest of the quite good sized lane to swim anti clock. Unfortunately the slow lane was breast stroke central which wasn’t for me so i ducked into middle lane and was pleasantly surprised to find i was doing quite well pace wise in there .. last year i had been on the receiving end of many a toe tap .. this year i was that annoying bugger that kept swimming into feet . Apologies if i tickled anyone’s toes , i did try to keep out the way til the turns. Not sure of the time , but it was certainly better than the last time i was in this pool. The amazing Liam had done 16 lengths , pretty good for a 10 year old in a lane full of grown ups .. good going Bumpy
. Thanks for keeping an eye on him and telling him when to call it a day Q
T1 . The dance of the wet fat man donning lycra once again.. but have got a bit better at it now and there was not the thrashing around for 10 minutes like last year.
Bike
First loop was a refamiliarisation with this "undulating" circuit , this year aided by marshals at every junction. The wind seemed to be against you in all the wrong places but all things considered it was not actually as bad as i had remembered. Past the feed station for the first time .. a truly awesome sight to see so many people there, honestly had the look and feel of a full on race feed station. Just needed a small row of portaloos and it would have been bob on. Just incredible how this thing has grown .
loops 2 ,3,and 4 fealt pretty good to be honest and were uneventful. I passed a few people which was a good sign as usually that doesn’t happen , and was passed by some of the faster ones as well, all going well , but by loop 5 my right knee had started to complain a little , only on the upflats , and only if i got out of the saddle, but enough to start me worrying . I stopped at feed station at the end of 5 for a brief chat
and to say hello to Liam , plodded on to lap 6.. knee grumbling a little more
insistently on the steeper upflat and i start thinking of the bigger picture and that perhaps i should really call it a day. Stopped for advice at feed ( actually just a cleverly conceived plan to get the pirate ladies to feel my legs ) and decide i'll do one more and call it a day. So off i trot .. Stay firmly planted in the saddle on the steep bit and the knee doesn’t complain too much , round the bend to find Button sat on the floor with front wheel in hand and a small pile of inner tubes at his side . Honk had also stopped to offer assistance and it transpired that after puncturing and replacing the tube that too went down , this was repeated with the next spare tube . My arrival on the scene was after Honk had donated his spare to the cause (and his tyre levers as one set already snapped). I think Button is running 650 tyres on his 700 rims because they were an even tighter fit than my Monaco ( i blame the tumble dryer) . Between Honk, Button , and myself we wrestle the undersize tyre back onto the rim, snapping set of levers number two in the process .. This too fails to hold air. Being that i was planning to call it a day after this loop anyway i suggested that Button take my front wheel so he could get going again and I’d persevere with the puncture repair , Honk offered to come back and collect me so we agreed that if i didn’t appear within the next half hour or so that he'd drive back for me ( Top man , thanks Honk ). Tyre off , snapping my tyre levers this time, another new tube back in (making the count now 3 sets of levers and 4 tubes) and with a bit more tyre wrangling we are back in business .. A few confused faces passing on the bike who must have thought we were all getting punctures at exactly the same place. Anyhooo .. tyre on , tube holding air , wheel in and we are off ... the benefit of a ten minute break soon evident as knee had settled down significantly .. so much that i decided id go around again to see how it fealt and by the time i had done 9 it seemed daft not to keep going. So aided by a few verses of Little Mix's version of De La Souls ring ring ring "hey how ya doing" to keep me amused on the twisty bits i pushed out the last few laps at (i think )a reasonable pace .. no idea of ave mph as the wheel exchange screwed both my and buttons computers.. doh. Past feed for the last time on the bike and on to Assassin HQ .
Run
With Lanza looming in a couple of weeks the plan was always to run just one loop ,effectively using this as one last brick session. Liam was to join me on the run and we set off with Button Mushroom and Cake , who i had hoped was the official race pacemaker , but as it transpired was unfortunately only getting us past the pub turn (as the sign had been nicked ). Liam and Button soon opened up a bit of a lead but i was happy to plod round at my own pace. Bit of a walk on one of the hills but otherwise an uneventful and pain free run, feeling infinitely better than i had at this stage last year. Genuinely would have loved to carry on , but had said i would just do one loop and this close to the big race it would have been pushing my luck too much. Liam agreed that the run course was definitely harder than his 5k parkrun
, but he loved being able to run it.
I thought last years DIY Half IM was amazing , this year took it to a whole new level. Just such an incredible sight to turn into Chiltern Ave to a garden full of Pirates and a driveway full of bikes ( 16 or more on day 1 i think) . Custom race artwork , T shirts, Proper bike racks at transition , reserved lanes at the pool , Gels , banana cake , High 5 , Coke , Jelly Babies .. a better stocked feed station than many a paid for race could muster. Its been said by all of us , and absolutely rightly so , that Mr and Mrs assassin have been the perfect hosts and provided us (again) with a truly unforgettable weekend. But everyone brought something to this weekend Jordy the worlds most enthusiastic supporter ( if you ever lack motivation then spend a few moments with him ), Grandma and Grandpa Assassins who kept the feed station team supplied with hot drinks , chips , cake , history lessons and gardening advice , Marshalini , who totally owned this course last year , and has put much into making this years even better, and then the Pirate massive . Some competing , some supporting some doing a bit of both but all with a the same spirit of fun , generosity and .. cant think of the word so will use "general niceness" that you could only ever find in PSOF... kudos people kudos
PS special thanks for making it such a great weekend for Liam as well .. he absolutely loved it .
roll on Maccy 2014
that was me Seren, for most of it anyway, as I had not started my watch correctly I had no idea how far we had gone. So, after around 30 odd minutes I had to step aside and let someone in who could count
and I wanted to coast for a bit 
Button ..... swimming cap or baseball? I can get it to him if he gives me his address. He may want his cap for Lanza
Stanners i can get your wristband to you also. Let me know your address.
Yesterday was such a bizrre day - no pirates, no cheering, no killing myself around hills.
Whats more - no ridiculous amounts of cake
Is it time for the next one yet?
Friday
Drove round the bike course Friday morning putting up direction signs, popped back home to get started on the run course signs when Seren and family turn up and much dicusiion as to if the back garden is big enough to fit the tardis like tent in.
Finished the run course signs and then back to house to find Broke But Tring had arrived.
Nipped out with Seren, BBT and Seren's hubby to have a look at the bike course, when we got back to the house Honk had also arrived, text from SuperCaz, she was at hotel so she then arrived at house, Hmmmmm getting a bit full, then Colourin arrived, standing room only, may have to buy a bigger house for next year.
7755Matt and Mrs Matt dropped off supplies of gels, Soreen, Hi 5 4-1, put this with all the bread rolls we had got, the bananas and jaffa cakes from Honk and it started to resemble some sort of relief effort for an african country.
Great night at the pub as Lea the Pea, Les Boules, Britrisky and Mr Monic are also there, had to feel sorry for Soupy as she got there late just as everyone was leaving
We managed to persuade Mr Monic, not to support but to do instead, he didn't take much arm twisting.
Saturday
Up early, lots of faff, lots of people starting to turn up and in no particular order, Blue Peter, Cake, Ozzy, Stanners (I got Ozzy and Stanners mixed up all weekend, sorry
) Jammy Dodger 2 and his wonderful family,Horse and Razor, Slagiatt, Liam and Button Mushroom who had driven up from London early plus the bacon and sausages suplied by Button Mushroom swelled the African relief effort no end.
Mashalini arrived plus everyone from the pub the night before and our drive was a mixture of nervous chatter and general pirate banter.
We all set off for the pool, Mrs SA had collected the £4 from everyone for the swimming, I think the total charged was £72
a group photo was taken as we placed our bikes on the brilliant racking provided by Marshalini
We all had a quick discussion about who was quicker / slower than who and got into the respective lanes, I picked the middle lane and I think I was proved right as no one seemed to be that much quicker than anyone else, I started in the lead but soon realised I was giving a draft to the other 5/6 people in the lane, so after a bit of foot tapping let a few passed and jumped on the train at which point I completely lost count of how many lengths I had done, so just followed everyone and got out when they did, synchronised rolling round with cramp from me and Honk, quick toilet stop then outside, OMG the rain had come and it was so cold.
Socks, shoes, helmet, glasses etc and off on the bike, loved the fact we had marshalls this year, Britrisky seemed very pleased to have done the umbrella order as she was keeping dry, as the rain lashed down. got to the start of the laps and could see 7755Matt just ahead and attempted in vain to catch him, think he caught up with Ozzy, Stanners and Jammy Dodger2, hmmmmm draft busters next year?
Started playing tag with Seren on the bike course, one would get a slight lead then the other and so on, started expermenting with seeing which was fastest down the biggest hill on the course, aero bars, drops or top of the hoods, aero bars won by 1.2 miles an hour (yes, I know how sad I am)
Passed the feed station shouting I wanted Hi 5 next lap, big mistake, as when I came round to the feed station the following lap, Mrs SA and Button Mushroom both with their hands out and up waiting for a high 5, very funny, shouted a rude word at them and then spent the rest of lap wondering if my mum and dad had heard me swear
but revenge would be mine later the next day.
Caught Les Boules and then Mr Monic who asked if this is what passes a flat course?
Seren finally got away from me when a milk tanker stopped a tractor to have a chat and blocked the road!
Last lap completed and pick up Ozzy who jumped onto my wheel to get shown the way to T2
T2
had to have a change of socks as my feet had become so very cold, it took 1 and a half laps to get any feeling back in them and the first lap every step made my right foot tingle, Ozzy ran with me for a little while then sped off, saw Stanners go the wrong way so shouted him back and point the right way, Les Boules caught me up and we had a brief chat about how hard the course is. Round passed the small Tesco where Spiderman and Peppa pig came into view at which point I did question my sanity / use of drugs etc.
On lap 2 my back was killing me and every step was painful, so more pain killers, I did think that I may stop after this lap, its no big deal, Feck Off its massive, its your party, etc, Angel and Devil on my shoulders.
Caught up with Horse and Razor and it was great to chat with these guys as we made our way the course and like Horse and I explained to Razor, Outlaw maybe twice the distance but no way is it twice as hard.
Finally finished, 10 mins slower than last, but 1 more bike lap done and run course extended so yes I take that.
It was funny (for us, not them) to see as everyone finished in various degrees of pain and saying how hard it was, the people who had to day on Sunday, the colour draining from their faces and looks of worry
And so to pub again (can you see a pattern) when a random bloke comes over to our table and says how much him and his family enjoyed watchinh us run round today, almost makes it worth it!
that'd me then....altho i dispute the counting bit since my Garmin said I'd done 1925m yet still managed to stop at the same end i started from...
Right then, race report is as follows (before SA bars me from next year's event for not doing one)...
FRIDAY
Three of us (me, Mrs JD and girl 2) set off after work on Friday teatime and arrived at the Strawberry something caravan site at about 7pm. After I'd finished farting around setting up it was about 8.30 so a bit late to make a mad dash across to the pub so decided to have my pre-challenge bowl of pasta and an early night instead. Just about to tuck in when i got a knock on the van door and saw Mr and Mrs Ozzy standing there. Quick chat and then back to the pasta before lights out. Slept barely a wink as my mind was churning with thoughts of suitable attire for the bike but must have evenutally dropped off as i woke up early on Saturday....
SATURDAY
Woke up early to a cold, damp morning and did a final kit check before loading up the bike and setting off to find SA's house. Arrived there at about 08.30 to find a bunch of weird looking people all dressed in banana yellow supping coffee. Was a bit daunting as it was my first pirate outing but everyone made me feel really welcome
. More farting around with kit and a complete change of mind meant that i dumped half of what i'd brought back into the boot of my car and then it was off to the Leisure Centre for the swim leg.
After racking the bikes and making sure all my bike outfit got completely soaked by not covering it up properly we had the obligatory team photo and then off to wait for the swim lanes to open up.
Opted for the middle lane (if in doubt, always go fot the middle option) which proved to be about right speed-wise. Completed the swim in 40 mins, pressed the lap button on my Garmin to take me into T1 and realised that it wasn't working so had to stop it, save the time and switch sports from multi mode to cycle.
Out into T1 in the rain and wind and proceeded to try and dry myself on a sopping wet towel. Put on Monaco, cycling jersey, wind jammer, socks and cycle shoes when i realised i hadn't put on my cycle bib
. Took off wind jammer, shoes and cycle jersey and got dressed again properly hot on the heels of SA as he looked like he knew where he was going and i hadn't paid attention earlier at the briefing....
Soon got into a good rhythm on the route and by lap 4 i could even find my own way round. Played a 12 lap game of catch up with Honk who seemed to fly past me on the flat and down hill before i caught him up again on the climbs. Saw quite a few other Pirates on the couse (except the front runners) which spurred me on a bit.
Forgot to eat or drink for the 1st hour so then made sure that i had my gels every 20 minutes or so.
Great enthusiastic support from the feed station which made me feel like a 'proper' triathlete.
Mrs JD had by now turned up with Girl 1, Boy 1 and Boy 2 to cheer us on at the final furlong.
Got to the feed station on lap 12 and realised that i didnt have a clue on how to get back to T2 (much to Button's dismay) so had to wait for Honk to catch up so he could lead the way.
Bike completed in 3h 15m
Into T2 to change out of bib, socks and jersey before setting off on the run leg. Again, no idea where to go so waited for a runner who was on lap 2 to tag onto their shirt tails and lead the way (but not for long as I couldnt feel my feet or legs at that stage). Ran the rest of lap 1 with Honk til he realised that he'd left his cycle shorts on so needed to change back at T2. The rest of the run was pretty steady, not fast not slow (about 09.30 min/miles I think). Thanks to Spidey for pointing the way on the corner
.
Run finished in 2h 5m.
Lovely finishing run up Chiltern Ave to be greeted by the Pirates - even Ozzy who'd managed to slip past me on the run whilst i was refuelling
.
In Summary:
A great event with great people. Special thanks to the SA clan for opening their house and being so welcoming, Cake for his encouragement and Marshallini for being a good all round children's entertainer
Quick question - what is the symbol underneath the 'Half' on our T shirts?
Check my profile picture, I can give you chapter and verse about what it is, but Marshalini added to the design and I like it
I have just been out on my bike for first recovery cycle since Sunday. I am going one way down a6 near mine and who goes past on other side of road (separated by a roundabout) on his bike....Flash. Couldn't remember his real name so que me shouting Flash....Flash across the roundabout.
Bet that looked weird to anybody near by
So it does stand for something - not just a random design that you liked?? Is it a secret symbol, perhaps - have I unknowingly been drafted into some kind of evil group of, well, assassins ...? Somehow this is all beginning to make sense - pirates, pseudonyms, triathlon 'cover story' ...
Paul, that would be Andy Hennie I think
My race report will be completed tonight
, lets just say since seeing Mats pictures a big thanks to SA for saving my bacon as far as the race photographer goes, a few seconds earlier in T2 and some pics would have needed a xx rating.
Jammy Dodger ..... i've heard our kit being called all sorts, but not banana yellow!
Tee Hee!!! 
Well, if you are a fan of the video game "Hitman", the second version of the game is known as "Hitman 2 Silent Assassin", the symbol is the international highly secret agency that he works for and as the DIY half is run from our house Marshalini wanted to put something in that meant something. It also in the middel of the tattoo that I done by the wonderful DK on Sunday
A few of the ladies got upset because Andi Hennie decided against a full change
Will post my report from Sunday later on.
I have had a very interesting email from Marshalini about the weekend and his thoughts on how we go froward, it is very constructive and is full of good stuff.
We will let the dust settle on this years event first and then we will start thinking about next year, but before anyone starts a list. I need to see the people from the Leisure Centre, I did pass our thanks on, on Sunday, but I need to see if they had any comments / complaints etc, I notice that the Sunday version was a lot less busy than the Saturday if terms of other people using the pool, not just us