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Things you want to say but can't
Johnny Blaze
✭✭✭
in Clubhouse
Whether it's for legal reasons, the desire to keep your job or just plain self preservation. What would you love to say in the real world but really can't? Could be job or relationship or family - could even be related to running.
I'll kick off with the following:
I'm sorry if you are upset that I am apparently questioning your ability to do your job, but the truth is I, and a number of other people, have been covering for you for the last 2 months and its about time someone told you to pull your finger out and do your fecking job the way you're supposed to!
...and breathe.
(Thread nicked from Fetch, where it is noted for some top rants)
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Comments
Why are buying doughnuts when you are already so bloody fat?
Sorry. I shall try harder next time!
Trying to think of something else right now....
big bones don't wobble
Pull your f**king pants up! If I show you MY knickers I'd be arrested but I'm forced to look at YOUR neon green boxer shorts with Kermit the f**king frog on them because you call it fashion!
YOU LOOK A TIT.
Chocolates and fizzy sweets are bad for you. So is chocolate milk. Do yourself a favour and next time someone brings cakes in for their birthday why don't you give it a miss.
Oh and really don't care if you think your feet are your best feature you've still got cankles!
wouldn't like "cankles" -they sound awful
Are you talking to me or to your mobile phone? Since you clearly have no idea about basic manners, let me tell you that breaking off mid-sentence to answer or otherwise twiddle with your phone and expecting me to sit there and wait for you to resume whatever fascinating thing you were saying is DOWNRIGHT FECKING RUDE. Yet you think that I'm rude because I wander off instead of pandering to your sense of importance and connectedness.
And don't even get me started on your ringtone.
If I was as bloody fat and unfit as you I wouldn't risk smoking as well.
And if I did smoke I wouldn't have got as fat as you.
And don't let your ugly screeching child drop sweetie litter in my world.
You hideous, ignorant, lazy, loud mouthed, benefit supported chavvy slapper.
Phew.
Thanks JB.
No! I'm not sorry for taking out your wing mirror as I ran past.
Perhaps if you hadn't parked completely obstructing the pavement forcing me out into a busy main road to get passed then maybe the heel of my palm wouldn't have left your wing mirror dangling, as I frantically avoided being hit by the on rushing lorry.
What? nowhere else to park ? should have f##king thought about that before you bought the house on a main road.
look love !! (said in very bestest condescending tone)
.. you chose to have the small pugnacious little rat,
.. you chose not to train and socialise it ,
.. you chose to let it run free knowing you have absolutely no control over it
.. therefore please don't go getting all haughty and indignant with me when the Northern Idiot sat obediently by my side sticks her dirty great paw on little Fifi's snarling yapping head in an attempt to prevent herself from being bitten.
Your are Fat
You are a Waste of Space
Society should not have to pay for your Sky dish & 50 inch telly just cos your a lazy bastard
If your paid £40,000 a year to do a job do it and dont pretend your sick to get an easy life
Life is hard stop making excuses
You have no future unless you move your arse
There is no excuse for continually being late to meetings. There is absolutely NO excuse for not even bothering to turn up for a meeting, and not even having the coutesy to phone. Shrugging your shoulders and trying to look innocent doesn't wash. You are not so important that you need to be somewhere else. In actual fact all you are is a lazy, discourteous, ignorant arsehole who has no consideration for anyone but yourself. Stop f***king around, think of others for once, get a pissing move on, and stop making me wait for you every fecking day in life. I have had enough.
*breathes deeply*
Don't park across my gateway just because I live nearer the beach than you do and you can't be bothered to pay 50p for the car park down the road. I pay ludicrous council tax because I live here and I expect to be able to get my car out of the driveway when I need to, not when you've finished surfing.
And another thing....
I did once put a dog turd under someone's wiper blades after the car had been there for two days.
Did I just admit that out loud?!
No, Limper, no-one saw a thing.
..and for my vent...
No, I don't think that giving my husband your phone number and getting me to phone would be "really funny" you're a first class wanker and I never want to hear from you or speak to you again. I hope you're living the life you deserve. You've missed out already on so much happiness I doubt you know how to enjoy yourself without making nasty comments at someone else's expense. Now do everyone a favour and die.
Society does not owe you a thing
Going to the shops in your PJ's does make you a lazy bastard
Benefit fraud does make you a criminal
Scum will always be scum regardless of how many chances you give them
Prison works
Tracksuits are meant to be for people who exercise not a fashion statement
Too many people make excuses for those who can't be arsed
Lawyers are money grabbing bastards who abuse legal aid
Compensation claims for be people who don't look where they are going should be banned