Things you want to say but can't

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Comments

  • Will you just blow your fecking nose instead of snarking. image
  • Dear colleague, I am not seeing what you're seeing and I'm not hearing what you're hearing and I'm certainly not thinking what you're thinking. So when you ask "do you know about this?" I need some context or I haven't got a feckin' clue what you're talking about. While I'm at it, most people think with their brains. You think with your mouth. Would it be possible for you to do your job without providing us with a constant running commentary? And there's more. The instructions on how to carry out this simple procedure are there on the screen in front of you, in plain English. Can you not do anything without wanting the rest of us to hold your hand and do it with you? We have our own work to do, y'know.
  • Gordon, you're a spud-faced, shouty, gobshite bully.

    F*ck off you arrogant, narcissistic twat.

  • Dear Karen Samuel - I agree with Liverbird - you are strange, particularly your event reviews
  • Dear Mum - I hope Arsenal win tonight so that you are in a good mood as I'm taking you to Grenada in a few hours and the forecast is thunderstorms and rain all week..... and you were hoping for a tan.
  • Dear benefits people - when people have different account details for 2 claims 18 months apart it is usual practice to send money to the most recent of the two accounts the details of which due to several cock ups where actually listed on 3 versions of the new claim in the last 2 weeks - not the one used 18 months ago and then when you are informed of your cock up don't talk to the client as if they are some sort of criminal - you fucked up - you sort it out most people couldn't remember the exact date and account was closed nearly 12 months ago there is nothing suspicious about that.  I only sign on when it looks like I can't afford to eat because I don't like sponging but sometimes us temps have to
  • ooohhhh -tranna think of summat I feel I cannot say etc. image I would say it but be careful, how I say it. at times
  • Dear admin colleague. Can you please crack on with the work I gave you to do and stop chipping into every single conversation that goes on in the office, primarily about matters about which you know sweet f.a. I thank you.
  • And while we're at it - stop asking me for contributions every time you decide to abseil, jump off something etc for charity. I'm not here to fund your adrenaline dependence in an attempt to make yourself more interesting.
  • Dear chatty ebullient check out girl at Sainsbury's last night

     While I do appreciate that it is really nice to see someone who is so happy in their job and I do know that you are expected to talk to the shoppers (as I was informed by another check out boy one day) I really don't want to know about which films you have saved on sky+, I also don't really care why you call your sister Wendy as a nickname, I also didn't need to hear about your weekend out with all your friends and all your various activities, and that you have never cooked with a butter nut squash, and that you couldn't remember the name of the woman on the front of the tv times (Maggie Smith) or was it Peter Pan or Hook she was in but that she definitely was in Harry Potter.........and the fact that I learned all this in the space of 20 items of shopping was truly breath taking - which is another thing - you should take a breath every so often so you won't die!

    Love 

    GFB

  • Dear Boss

    F*** off

    Thank you.

  • Dear bovine featured gum chewing student,

    Saying evolution by natural selection is 'just a theory' and then folding your arms and shaking your head, blowing bubbles and popping them loudly with that filthy muck in your mouth whilst I try to place Darwin in context to other thinkers of his era, doth not an argument make.

    Listen you stupid, cloth eared, swivel eyed, bible bashing, toss pot of a yank - gravity is just a theory - will you please jump off the 12th floor of the nearest multi level car park and lets hear you argue it away on your way down...

    ...And mullets may still be fashionable in the bible belt - but you look like a twat to me.
  • Dear colleagues (but not peers as you all earn more than me and are senior to me)

    Have you lost your powers of reasoning and logic?  Why do you ask how to use office machinery when you haven't even tried to work it out for yourselves?  Why do you ask again and again - have you no memories either?  Would you not like to feel empowered like I do and work it out for yourselves then feel you've learnt a new skill?  Often I haven't even used the item you're asking about and as soon as I look at it, the solution becomes obvious to me.  Why, oh why, with your salaries higher than mine and experience more extensive than mine, can you not work the simplest items of machinery or even follow the simplest of instructions, which are often displayed on the item?  I know, ask me.  I bet it's really annoying when I direct you to the instructions which are right in front of your nose.  I know it is for me.

  • dear Bill Gates

    when, oh when, are you and your useless fecking software developers finally going to sort out the Blue Screen of Death. it's been there in every iteration of Windoze from 3.1 to 7 and when it does happen, the attendant message means absolutely fuck all unless you're on the inside of Microsoft. and when it happens to mission critical systems, do you know what? - it's a fucking massive disruptive nuisance.

    yes, I know you're trying to use your $gazillions to try and cure malaria, cancer and every other know cause of illness (ha - some fat chance) but a few squillion spent on sorting out your bleeding software and all it's security issues on top of the BSOD would make the world a happier place to start with.

    ta

    fb



  • Would the very slurpy coffee drinker at the hot desk next to mine please die

  • Dear FB

    Please remove the stray apostrophe from your last sentence.  It's making me queasy.

    Thanks

    Nessie

  • Oh and, mobile phone users at hot desks near mine, the clue is in the name.

    It's a mobile phone.

    When you wander away from your desk, you can take it with you.

    You also must die.

  • Dear Nessie

    I missed that and it's now too late to edit sorry - it's there for perpetuity now unless RW towers goes into oblivion.

    luv

    FB
  • Nam wrote (see)
    .... I'm not here to fund your adrenaline dependence in an attempt to make yourself more interesting.


    Lol!

    You say "exciting", I say sociopathic...

  • I am very pleased we are about to sack our retained agency. They are appallingly bad. They are incompetant. The most junior member of the team talks over me and treats me like I'm 'special'. They cannot do the most basic tasks.The longer we've had them 'working' for us, the worse they have become. The brief they have sent over today is a prime example. It's as if they are completely new to this game.  I will not miss them once they're finished, not even the parties or the bad champagne they've sometimes given me.

    I'm very glad I'm not responsible for hiring this bunch of shysters either. Boss - how do you hold your head up round here?

  • Mike - do you work for PR agency? 

  • MrsK8MrsK8 ✭✭✭
    SuperCaz wrote (see)

    Dear Furniture Shops (yes, all of them),

    Instead of offering me coffee, cookies and delivery within a week, I suggest that you start stocking products that I would be interested in buying.  That way you are more likely to make a sale and earn some commission as well as making me a happy customer that will come back again.


    Don't. Even. Get. Me. Started.

    Ordered a new bed for our new house, promised delivery in 3-4. That has now turned into 9-10 weeks. We are now sleeping on a mattress on the floor. At least falling out of bed is less painful.

  • Parklife wrote (see)

    Dear colleagues (but not peers as you all earn more than me and are senior to me)

    Have you lost your powers of reasoning and logic?  Why do you ask how to use office machinery when you haven't even tried to work it out for yourselves?  Why do you ask again and again - have you no memories either?  Would you not like to feel empowered like I do and work it out for yourselves then feel you've learnt a new skill?  Often I haven't even used the item you're asking about and as soon as I look at it, the solution becomes obvious to me.  Why, oh why, with your salaries higher than mine and experience more extensive than mine, can you not work the simplest items of machinery or even follow the simplest of instructions, which are often displayed on the item?  I know, ask me.  I bet it's really annoying when I direct you to the instructions which are right in front of your nose.  I know it is for me.

    I feel your pain!  I got that last week when someone asked me to print a letter and I said "eh do it yourself" and they said "i don't know how" and I went on a massive diatribe and made them do it image  We don't stand on ceremony in our office - you'll get called a tosser at any opportunity, deserved or not.  I often find myself saying "FFS can you not figure it out yourself??!".  God help me if I end up working elsewhere where people are polite to each other!!!!  There's a benefit to working in a office full of projects managers and contractors sometimes image  I have to say though, i don't talk like that to anyone else, just the folk in my office, hahahahaha. (and they say the same to me, so it all works out nicely!)
  • MrsK8MrsK8 ✭✭✭

    Dear ****

    Whilst I appreciate you helping us move at the weekend, I really didn't like that fact that you treated me a f**king idiot in MY OWN HOME.

    If you take the piss out of me next time you come over, I will spit in your tea or add anything else I can get away with.

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