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What happened to the Ironmate McGonigall thread?
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driver, mountain, idiot, door, fire, car, blind,
This is the best I can do. I mean the worst. Its hard to suck this badly!
Is this drum-like pounding that's all I can hear
Located somewhere in my inner ear
The emotion they call fear?
Covered with a thin veneer?
Surely not - I've swum at least six thousand miles
Raced triathlons across the whole British Isles
And always ensured I am wearing a smiles
Because swim, bike, run, is my chosen lifestyles.
In addition, for competing I have flown
More than one thousand times across every time zone
And valiantly stepped out into the unknown,
So dont copy my poems, just write your own!
You can pay for my advise when life gets in the way
And theres a risk you wont perform on your big day
And your will to live gradually begins to ebb away
Till instead of training you choose to flambe.
Oh bugger, thats the same word rhyme
Used one too many times
No matter - I know my achievements last a lifetime
And in my post-race downtime
I can look back with considerable pride
Across that great and timeless divide
The gulf between finishing line and poolside
Which is when my dreams I first espied.
Fegan, I'm sure its not too late
To train and lose that extra weight
And yet attain a fitness state
You know who to call and that's IronMate!
Iron is cockernee rhyming slang
For cyclists who ride the mutton schlang
So if you're in need of a lycra clad date
You know who to call...!
[expires in a drooling, wheezing fluffle of mirth]
*Expires next to Jj*
This is called - not yet satisfied
Lunch already eaten
but my hunger is not beaten
the vending machine is calling
but the selctions is appalling
if I eat any more snickers I'll be wearing a tarpaulin
I'm going to entitle this, "From the Poem to the Podium"
Pedal to the medal
Its like swimming to the winning
Exercise to get that prize
Feel divine as you cross the line.
Crowds applaud here and abroad
Begone anguish, hello finish
Winner winner - chicken dinner
IronMate you are so great!
I've sent this to Kona Inspired - I expect you'll win.
Gels I on the bike eat not Dover Sole
Inner my ear my heart pumps like rock n roll
Lots of training equal no sore @rsehole
When I finish the bike leg it’s like parole
If sunny the run use I a parasol
I have to finish and get to t-shirt
Such a long way it’s never a cert
Thirsty I am mouth like a dessert (sic)
Inner my ear my heart pumps like Schubert
Quit I will never cos I is real expert
Here’s a place great to use the word hurt
Line when I get to I will feel great
The sooner I there get the less I’ll be late
To the Finisher’s Tent I will go straight
Myself get food some on a plate
So remember for inspirational quotes it’s Ironmate
For insurance quotes it that pesky meer-kate. (with arguably a better command of the English language and endurance training) <p class="MsoNormal">Simples
Were you as.
I expect so too. I guess I'll have to share some of the prize with you though, seeing as how you did give me the penultimate line.
An Ode to Ironmate
To race an Ironman I will
Train, train, train, never still
Swim and run and ride until
I am ready for the kill
Gary, you know what you must do
And its really no use for you to argue
For future glory, those sweets you must eschew.
CRAB, with your poetry, I feel so outclassed
In your current job I feel you've been miscast
All our former efforts you have surpassed.
Min, thats a good effort, but you must get worse
Keep churning out more of this terrible verse
To have such a talent is truly a curse.
To get worse is my aim,
I clearly need to lower my game
Oh is there a competion?
Clears throat......
Pound pound, winter miles
They equate to summer smiles,
Wet wet arse, ouch Ive got piles.
I stuff chamois cream up my butt.
Splish splish, lengths are clocked
Breaststroke mafia lanes are blocked
From my bonce my goggles knocked
Theres chlorine up my nose
Tremble tremble race day dawns
Buttocks pop with gaseous yawns
Dont stand near me youve been warned
Im cable laying here.
Finish Finish Stumble through
Need to yak up, need to poo,
Need to fart, whoops follow through.
And Im an Ironman.
Now that , my friends was ferking genius!
Ironmate McGonagall
inspired to write a poem.
Please dont copy mine write your own.
Iornmate copyright 2005 ©
To the floor glue myself like Fegan I must not do if want I to survive
Did you see what I did there?
This I can "wise investment"
I coach you good because more races I've done
Local sprint races is what I have won
Take it from me, my plans are the best
Adaption comes from training, followed by rest
My coaching costs are expensive and my phone time is fleeting
But I'll explain why to you why this programme you're completing
And when lifes in the way and you want to shout "fk it"
I'll turn you around with my golden nugget.
So sign-up now, don't look look around
despite there being better bargains easily found
why go Team Dillion or Team TBB
you know it makes sense to be coached just by me.
Genuis, Candy, pure genuis!
Thanks for the insurrection, this has been mort for so long it needs to have a res-erection, for more inspection.
Let's have more direction!