Inspiring Quotes and Poetry for Triathlon

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  •  

    Stick with IronMate™ he’s a rocket
    He'll fetch the session from the plan
    Cause if you want the best 'uns
    And you don't ask questions
    Then IronMate™ he’s your man

    Where it all comes from
    Is a mystery
    It's like doing 1000 push-ups
    And swmming relay twice in the sea
    But heres the one thats driving me berserk
    Why do only IronMate™’s plans and nuggets work

    La-la-la-la-la…..

     

  • God bless IronMate™
    Viva IronMate™
    Long live IronMate™
    C'est magnifique IronMate™
    Magnifique IronMate™

  • A long long time ago
    I can still remember how
    That start line used to cause me fear
    But I knew if I had my chance
    That I could pedal up a hill in France
    And maybe they would high five me and cheer

    But IronMate's nuggets were generic
    He made me swim like The Eel (Eric)
    I had the race permission
    But I sank before transition...

    I can't remember what I paid
    For all those lame ass charts he made
    But I marathoned like Goodey (Jade) 
    **The day my IronMan dream died**
    So


    Bye, bye my great coach IronMate
    Pushed my pedal for the medal but I finished too late
    Them good ole volunteers said they just couldn't wait (till fkn midnight)
    Singing "Maybe you should try Race 4 Life?"
    "Maybe you should try Race 4 Life..."

  • Will you follow that training scheme

    To realise you triathlon dream

    If the IronMate tells you so?

    Now do you believe that Ironman "nugs"

    Will win you medals and finish line hugs

    And can he train you how to race real slow?



    Well, I know that you've been trained by him

    Cause I saw your limited edition ironman finisher teeshirt in the bin

    You forgot to unclip your shoes

    And crashed into the transition portaloo-ooos

    I was a lonely ironman wannabee

    With a neoprene gimp suit full of wee

    So nobody would high five me

    The day my Ironman dream died

    I started singin'



    Bye bye.... Etc
  • <span style="font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; color: black;">Working on the Ironmate site,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">From Morning 'till night,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">That's peddlin’ sh!te,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">About pedalin’ n sh!te,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Then no pint with the boys,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">But still a tortoise,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">That's peddlin’ sh!te,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">About pedalin’ n sh!te,

    <span style="font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; color: black;">
    <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Training all day,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Dressed like a gay,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Then blow it on bling n sh!te,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">And you kiss all the frames,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">And know all their names,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">From studying shite.<span class="apple-converted-space"> <br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Working on the run,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Drinking Gatorade, having fun,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">That's peddlin’ sh!te,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">About pedalin’ n sh!te,

    <span style="font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; color: black;">You’re really a clown,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Spreadin' bllx around,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">That's peddlin’ sh!te,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">About pedalin’ n sh!te,

    <span style="font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; color: black;">Training all day,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Dressed like a gay,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">At least you’re not wasting your life, (as you’ve completed over 30 IM & 70+ marathons I’ll have people know),
    <br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Still you keep a little here,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Cos this triathlon’s dear,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Yeah, Too fckn right.<span class="apple-converted-space"> <br style="text

  • Well ...... I spose it does rhyme   image

  • F.oggyF.oggy ✭✭✭
    Couldn't Run A Bath wrote (see)

    <span style="font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; color: black;">Working on the Ironmate site,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">From Morning 'till night,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">That's peddlin’ sh!te,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">About pedalin’ n sh!te,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Then no pint with the boys,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">But still a tortoise,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">That's peddlin’ sh!te,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">About pedalin’ n sh!te,

    <span style="font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; color: black;">
    <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Training all day,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Dressed like a gay,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Then blow it on bling n sh!te,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">And you kiss all the frames,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">And know all their names,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">From studying shite.<span class="apple-converted-space"> <br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Working on the run,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Drinking Gatorade, having fun,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">That's peddlin’ sh!te,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">About pedalin’ n sh!te,

    <span style="font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; color: black;">You’re really a clown,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Spreadin' bllx around,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">That's peddlin’ sh!te,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">About pedalin’ n sh!te,

    <span style="font-family: 'Verdana','sans-serif'; color: black;">Training all day,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Dressed like a gay,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">At least you’re not wasting your life,(as you’ve completed over 30 IM & 70+ marathons I’ll have people know),
    <br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Still you keep a little here,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Cos this triathlon’s dear,<br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" /> <span style="text-align: -webkit-center;">Y

  • FFS. It's NFRS to build a backwards compatible webshite is it?

    ASP you were.

  • F.oggyF.oggy ✭✭✭

    A new Poet Laureate.

  • Hey it's not big and clever to laugh at people when they've made a tit of themselves just trying to bring some joy with their verse you know.

    <span style="color: #465584; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left; background-color: #fffef0;"><br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" />  fckn doing me swede in> As you were<span style="background-color: #fffef0; color: #465584; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: left;"><br style="text-align: -webkit-center;" />. <bunchoffcknarse>

  • JjJj ✭✭✭

    I don't think anyone has any idea about how much I'm laughing. image

  • JjJj ✭✭✭

    ...in a friendly way.

  • Working on the Ironmate site,
    From Morning 'till night,
    That's peddlin’ sh!te,
    About pedalin’ n sh!te,

    Then no pint with the boys,
    But still a tortoise,
    That's peddlin’ sh!te,
    About pedalin’ n sh!te,

    Training all day,
    Dressed like a gay,
    Then blow it on bling n sh!te,

    And you kiss all the frames,
    And know all their names,
    From studying shite. 

    Working on the run,
    Drinking Gatorade, having fun,
    That's peddlin’ sh!te,
    About pedalin’ n sh!te,

    You’re really a clown,
    Spreadin' bllx around,
    That's peddlin’ sh!te,
    About pedalin’ n sh!te,

    Training all day,
    Dressed like a gay,
    At least you’re not wasting your life, (as you’ve completed over 30 IM & 70+ marathons I’ll have people know),

    Still you keep a little here,
    Cos this triathlon’s dear,
    Yeah, Too fckn right. 

     

    Yeah you’re playing my game,
    Ironmate is my name,
    So full o’shite. 

     

    Telling the lie,
    With a glint in my eye,
    'Cause tommorrow you'll be back on my site,

    And you piss on the frames,
    Playing tough mental games
    You’re up for the fight. 

    Yeah you play the game,
    Then chant a carp saying,

    That's peddlin’ sh!te,
    About pedalin’ n sh!te,

    That's peddlin’ sh!te,

    About pedalin’ n sh!te,

    If I don’t finish - then shame,
    I must up my game,
    Keep pedalin’ n sh!te. 

    Still Working on the run,
    Drinking Iso for fun,
    That's peddlin’ sh!te,
    About pedalin’ n sh!te,

    I will wear that Ironcrown
    With me M-dot dressing gown
    That's peddlin’ sh!te,
    About pedalin’ n sh!te,
    Training all day,Just a T-shirt as pay,
    An Ironmate for life,

    And it’s that same inner ear,
    Heart beating drum I hear,
    That line still sounds sh!te. 

    Yeah you all play this game,
    You know what I’m saying,
    Can’t even stop for a sh!te. 

    Telling the lie,
    With a glint in your eye,
    'Cause tommorrow you'll be back on the site,

    I hope I don’t go lame,
    Cos Iron’s in my name,
    Fck, this trisuit’s too tight. 

    Yeah you all know my name,
    But it's auf wiedersehen,
    That's the end of my sh!te.

    As you work? 

  • Oh, my poor inner ear
  • I fear that this is all getting a bit too literate. Let's not drift too far from the oeuvre. From the IronMate himself:



    After the Ironman

    To be an Ironman I will get recognition

    I study the results like a statistician

    From the swim & bike & run and especially the transition

    I wear with pride my Ironman t shirt limited edition



    I entered on line and paid by credit card



    In my mind I do train hard



    if I don't finish I will be mentally scarred.



    To the outside world the ironman is not possible, In my mind everything is possible.



    A banner at the ironman finish reads "Anything is possible"



    In my mind we all survive,



    To the outside world if I finish I get a high five.



    Armchair athletes think it's not possible, I will not be told.



    The pain is worse than I was told, it far worse its four fold



    To finish the triathlon I must be bold.



    To finish inside the cut of time, I must pedal If I want an Ironman finishers medal



    At the end of the triathlon road. Its priceless but no pot of gold.



    32 x Iron distance finsiher Ironmate McGonagall, inspired to write a poem. Please dont copy mine write your own.
  • Aah you buggers - Ive laughed so loudly I've been told off for upsetting the cat.
  • I'm not getting the tortoise?

  • Go a bit faster then. You'll catch it one day.
  • Hahahaha - what a great read over brekky!

    I'm not getting the tortoise is the best post ever!!

  • This is something I've been working on in the tour bus. I call it "Your Plan". This is the Radio friendly redacted version.



    Send me lots of money

    I'll sell you a plan

    And some bullshit nuggets

    About Ironman

    I don't have much talent and

    I spout complete shite but

    I accept cash or PayPal

    On the IronMate website



    If you want a medal

    But then again, no

    You do what I tell you and

    You'll race fkn slow

    I know that it's crap but

    I wrote it in minutes

    My gift is this plan and

    There's fck all use in it



    And you can tell everybody

    I'm you IronMate

    I might be a bit simple but

    My poetry's great

    I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind if I charge you up front

    'Cause after you dnf, you might think I'm a BLEEP



    I stand at the start line, and

    I feel no fear

    My heart thumping so loud

    I can hear my heart thumping in my inner ear

    I know it's not easy

    In fact it's four fold

    But to win that limited edition ironman finisher tee shirt

    You have to be bold



    So excuse me bullshitting,

    But these things I do

    You see I like money

    And I want some off you

    I been there I done that

    I got the tee shirt

    So you better be receptive when

    my nuggets start to squirt



    And you can tell everybody

    I'm you IronMate

    I may be quite simple, but

    My poetry's great

    I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind if I charge you up front

    Cause after you DNF, you might think I'm a BLEEP
  • i've only got as far as yesterday around ten, i've woken the dog, drowned out the television and generally very unpopular with my snorting and laughing.... have to take a break my sides, cheeks and face hurts from all of this... i'll try and go the whole way later, going to take a break now and come back to this

  • It's supposed to be "your ironmate". I obviously spent too much time studying his poetic canon for inspiration. The stupid is contagious.
  • Sorry, the last stanza was too weak

    So excuse me bullshitting,
    But these things I do
    You see I like money
    And I want lots off you
    I been there I done that
    Those tee shirts I gottem
    So it's time to bend over and
    Take my nuggets in your bottom 

     

    And you can tell EVREHBODEH
    I'm your Ironmate
    I may be quite simple... etc etc

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