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Am I really out of order ?
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Hi Lil - how's it going? Has anything new happened?
Same here. I can just about manage a weekend at my parents before going a little crazy. I love my parents and am very close to them but we work better from a distance!
Lil... you poor thing. I don't know what to say.
I would go apoplectic if I were put in the same position. She hasn't booked her return ticked because she waits until you get fed up? I think it's extremely rude to impose on you like that, effectively forcing you to incorporate her into your life without any light at the end of the tunnel. And you OH just sods off and plays football??? You could peel me off the ceiling!! He wouldn't dare I tell you. You need to have words.
I can manage a few hours - not even an overnight stay!
How about next time she wants to come and stay, suggesting that, for a change, we come and stay with you?
If this was my dilemma, which thank goodness it isn't, I'd suggest the son goes and stays with his mum at her house for several days a month instead. That way absence can make the heart grow fonder......or change the locks
(kidding).
I think the solution is to try and carry on with your life as normal as much as possible. Don't wait on her hand and foot - if she gets out of her chair ask her to get you a coffee while she's up. Go out somewhere and ask her to prepare the evening meal while you are gone - stuff like that.
If that doesn't work I'd just ask be straight with her - you don't mind her but you like your own space - it'll be uncomfortable but you'll only have to do it once.
Hi - Well, she has, at long last, gone. I followed advice and tried to just carry on as normal. Didn't take her out on day trips. I went out for runs (Thank goodness my neck got better quick) I went to Pilates, did chores around the house. Gardening. The lot. It was hard all the way. I just wanted to go out and not bother coming back.
We can't go stay at hers as its a tiny one bedroom flat.
The bad thing is & get this - My husband came home from work late last night and said I haven't even said sorry for the way I carried on when she announced she was coming. I told him it was because I wasn't and my view on the matter hadn't changed. There was one almighty row. With me telling him. I wouldn't want to spend a whole week with anyone. ANYONE. If you think I really am evil and don't deserve that medal, then okay, She's not coming ever again...Slept in separate rooms. I think he got the message...Not talking. Which is quite nice. I have had quite enough.
Hi Lil - are you a saint? You certainly have the patience of one - how you have put up with this for so long is beyond me! Home is just that - a place of peace and refuge from the crap that goes on outside. I don't know what the answer is to your problem (sorry) but I'd have thought that it is primarily up to your husband to get his priorities straight and sort it out. Am I right in thinking his mum lives alone? If so maybe he feels duty bound to have her stay which is why he doesn't hang around when she's there. This might be why he's having a go at you - he really wants to tell his mum to bugger off and the friction from you is upping his stress levels. Did he have a happy childhood? Just wondering if there are issues there which have brought on this sense of duty or feeling of guilt over something? Maybe over the situation (whatever that was) resulting in his mum being alone? Sorry for the ramblings, probably nonsense, but I get the impression that there is a lot more to this than it appears. Good luck with it all though.
Divorce him.... He sounds like a waste of space, and you get rid of the M-I-L as well...
Winner all round
Have you tried showing him this thread - showing how upset you were about the situation that you ended up asking the internet people for advice? It isn't fair for him to invite someone to stay and then ignore them - be it his mother, his boss or anyone else.
It is at times like these that I am glad that my OH's mother lives in Brazil and doesn't own a passport....
My OH would be devastated if she though I had to ask strangers for advice on the internet.............
As I would be most likely. Just seems you get a fair reply from strangers than say from friends who back each other up always or from family who would change their view of the OH.
Some people just go off and find 'that special person who understand' I resorted to RW.
Oh well, can surely only get better....
Well Lil., now you know that a lot of people on here (strangers, intellectuals, comedians, weirdos
) sympathise with you and we think you deserve a tolerance medal, perhaps that will help you to cope a bit better. I think the hardest thing for you was to work out whether you were being taken advantage of. Our survey said 'yes'. Maybe that is all you needed to know. Good luck with everything and keep standing up for your beliefs. Oddly enough after my divorce I found myself slightly missing my MIL because she was (is) such a nice lady....