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Dear new polish girl at work
You are bautifull and you know it and so do I , please can the next time you ask me to go outside with you be more exciting thanf or a ciggy. Oh and if you can find a shorter skirt and lower cut top you would really make my week.
Cheers JB
Because (as long as my wife doesn't look at this) I have loads of stuff I should say but don't.
But i'm going to save it up
more later
Dear Amazon
I have not used those gift certificate codes before, even though your website says that I have. Furthermore, the link to "customer service" gives a 404 not found message. You thieving bastards.
Dear 'actors' in the show I endured last night,
During your performance there came a point when I realised that the audience was actually doing a better job of acting than you - our pretence of enjoyment outshone your shoddy delivery infinitely. I'm sure you flatter yourself that the abstract nonsense you inflicted on us was in some way deeply meaningful, but it was, in fact, nauseatingly pretentious and quite frankly unnecessary.
Dear Left Knee
I have been patient with giving you time to recover naturally. I then consulted a physio and have been diligent in doing my exercises daily. I then was v. cautious with restarting running, my first run was only 1 mile long FFS. But now you have gone iffy again and put me right back to where I was when you first went. I've only got 2 more physio sessions left so I'm warning you now - SORT YOURSELF OUT!!! I'm stubborn enough to just carry on running regardless you know so it's in your own best interests to get better. I've got a place in the 2011 Brighton Marathon and I WILL take part, even if you fall off!!!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edited to add more angry smilies... just in case
Dear LN - IP's Left Knee
DO IT - OR ELSE!!
(( LN))
Thanks Seren, I've tried (without the "up yours" bit!!), but they didn't listen which is why the alcohol and I decided to post yesterday
Dear chairman of the club I left in May last year.
Please stop sending me emails about club events and socials. If you really CBA to take my address out of your email system, please learn what BCC means on the blank form and use it, I think you might be breaking data protection guidelines.
From a disgruntled former member who was made to feel to slow to belong.
Jeepers.
I'm just a mum.
I also do voluntary work, but not because I'm daft or I can't do any better. Tell your folks I have a string of qualifications as long as your arm and being a good parent is the hardest job in the bloody world!
I hope that they can find it in their hearts to support you in your search for work. You're not on the scrapheap because of a career break FFS!
Dear Sunday Drivers,
Today is Monday. Get off the firkin roads. Some of us have work to do.
Yes, I know you are getting on a bit - in fact you and I are the same age. How weird is that?
Yes, I know I made you run 13 miles yesterday - even if it was only a training run. But you've done it before many times.
But will you please stop bitching about the fact that you are aching and start fecking working properly please. Ta.
luv
your brain
I can relate to that one FB,
Remember when you were a kid and you ran around all day and did all sorts of things without anything aching the next day?
Dear colleague
when you have a nasty 'nose dripping & hacking cough' type cold, please please please bog off home rather than bleating on and on about how awful you feel, whilst spreading germs to the rest of us
thank you
aaaaaaaaaaand relax
Thanks, LB, I too have a string of qualifications and titles after my name, but am having a family-induced career change, hence starting from the bottom. Fifth and final rejection today (another "always the bridesmaid and never the bride" situation) - person who got job was doing same thing already. So I've sorted myself out with some voluntary work, which I'll use to gain the experience (hopefully) to allow me to retrain.
To the person who upset No 1 Child today - I wish that I could hurt you as much as you've hurt him.
Dear whingey people at work ....
All my magic wands are busy at the moment, your woe is important to me and is currently being held in a queue. I will deal with it when I finally give a sh1t again.
Dear utterly stunning gorgeous young girl.
Just how BIG is his cock?
Because you are WAY too good for him and I know he's not a millionaire...
Ok, I lied, it is a little more often than sometimes.
I'm really getting quite sick of you all, you bunch of bullshitting phonies.
How can a world exist which pays you such vast amounts for talking crap, bigging yourself up, scheming and conniving your way up the ladder and generally being fuck-all use to anyone who has half a brain cell?
Fuck off.
Just fuck off.
That one was from the heart!
I fancy jacking it all in and running a rum bar on a tropical island.
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