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Darts got laughed out of the Olympic sport prospect list before 2012 and that involves an actual physical skill.
Bridge isn't a sport but it is like sex - you need a willing partner or a strong hand.
I watched Game of Thrones once. It was sh1t.
The bald patch and scraped back ponytail thing still isn't doing it for me I'm afraid, dude.
You seriously need to understand that you are an old fart, not a student, and chop the bloody thing off.
Thanks for dumping that card on my desk,
The recipient probably wouldn't know me if I got up and bit him. I won't be signing, thanks all the same.
I hope it has finally dawned on you that in order to get the answers you want you have to learn how to look for them yourself instead of chasing us. It should have, you have been told numerous times before.
But if you want to play ping-pong with that last email, feel free, I'll hit it back as many times as you want to send it over.
FFS, my Email asked three clear questions. Why only vaguely answer one of them? You were supposed to do that bit, I've been working my bum off to do all of the rest of it.
A Bond theme sung by a bloke in falsetto?
No.
Why I generally don't condone violence, I make an exception in the case of Sam Smith. He needs impaling with a wooden stake.
Bit harsh I think, Screamie. Sam's a nice enough lad but some things are just wrong for 007. They might as well have Allen Carr as the next Bond.
I can't stand the whining voice.
Actually I think I'd prefer to listen to Alan Carr actually singing the theme
You are a bunch of incompetent wotsits, how difficult is it to book in a MOT for this afternoon and a service for a different date.
Thanks to your carp service I have no MOT, wasted an afternoon off work and now will need to get up early and drive back to your establishment in the morning to get said MOT done.
The only good thing is that as the sun is shining I will go for a walk in the countryside instead.
Well corrected there, by the way. I did of course mean the ever so slightly camp "chatty man", not the stop-smoking guru
Dear fellow motorway users. Five feet is not an appropriate distance behind the car in front.
Dear articulated lorry drivers. Just because you don't want to brake doesn't mean you can pull out to overtake when it suits you.
If you threaten to take me to court to get acces to read the electricity meter in my cottage, expect me to get really angry when I take a day out and drive 150 miles for you not to turn up......
Oh and no, I won't pop back next Thursday lunch time
Do they still need access to read meters? I thought you could arrange to give them a reading via phone or internet these days?
Every 2 years they can insist on inspecting the meter for safety ( or checking you aren't fiddling )
Actually, compared to Berlin and Boston, the GFA qualifying times for London are ridiculously generous
This is it love. The end of the road.
It's time to stop whining, calling meetings, pretending you don't understand and JFDI.
I know you don't want to do it, it's abundantly clear that you don't but It's your job.
You have had two emails from me and one from my line manager this afternoon. Unless you want this escalated to your line manager I suggest you suck it up.
Well then Eon, are you going to sack your meter reader ?
We rang your call centre at 17:45 and 18:20 asking where he was.
Spoke to call centre today, and meter reader claims he knocked on the door for 10 minutes at 18:08.
i called him a liar, Resolution Maanger suggested I might have been in the back room..
the house is a 1 up 1 down and 13 foot square.... So I was sat by the door
Well perhaps you were in the bath room ? I might have been, but my wife who is logged as making the second call at 18:20 obviously wasn't.
Ah, perhaps it's a new build, and our meter reader couldn't find it ?
The deeds we have date from 1732 ! Although it was built before that...
Ah, perhaps our meter reader is telling fibs .... Yep
I'd love to point out to Dolly Parton that 9, 2, 5; don't make eleven
^ That would drive me demented too.
People on forums, asking the same stupid questions over and over having made zero effort, not even a simple google search...
"Hi how can I train for a marathon"
"Hi how can I run faster and longer"
"Hi how do I poo LOL"
When you get a post that says "I read X, Y and Z, and there are a couple of points that I am still confused about, which are...", people nearly die of shock.
EL BASTARDO DALEKOS *jumps up and down*
There, that feels better.
Holding a hand-written sign saying "Rugby World Cup tickets for sale" doesn't exactly persuade me that you are legit...
My fingernails are bleeding from hanging on to sanity by my fingertips. WTF else is going to hit my desk this week?