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My main problem with the mother in this program was that she didn’t really seem to care - it seemed to me that she would rather blame other people than make any effort herself. You obviously care a great deal.
I got teased/bullied at school for being "fat", even though I wasn't particularly big but I was relatively poor at normal sports, and I have friends who have eating disorders.
What upsets me is the general attitude towards overweight children. Having been one myself I feel I can speak from experience and this whole furore, I feel, is really damaging and it seems to me that anyone who doesn't have a weight problem is able to stand in judgement and point fingers.
We're not perfect and yes we sometimes eat junk food. But combine that with a love of freshly home cooked healthy food, a love of the outdoors and exercise and we probably lead healthier diets than most kids.
When Little Mint was just 7 years old I used to take him in 23 mile bike rides. How many 7 year olds do you know who are capable of that? But he was still overweight and so still people seem to think they are somehow superior to us.
Reading this thread tonight reduced me to tears but not because of you or one individual.
I thought freak shows were illegal! If it were about culture or sexual orientation it would be illegal. It's dressed up as concern for welfare but in actual fact is extremely damaging to the people who are suffering the affliction of being overweight!
My son loves taking part in all kinds of activities. I recently went to school because I was worried he was getting upset about going swimming (bearing in mind he doesn't mind going to swimming club and swimming galas ... just swimming with school). Teacher had a word with him and he said kids call him fat. She said "you are fat and you need to go on a diet".
She may as well have said "well, that's okay, it's true, so they're allowed to say that".
The sum total was to put him off swimming with school. Nice one! Just what he needs. That and another chocolate muffin to make him feel better?
I'm sorry.
sadly, though, we are seeing more and more adults and children who are exceptionally overweight to the point of life-threatening obesity. this IS a public health issue, because the current generation of children are the first for centuries who will have a shorter life expectancy than their parents, largely due to obesity and its complications. that isn't necessarily the fault of individuals or their parents; there are lots of aspects of the problem that are all of our responsibility. but increasingly, there are parents who are unable to control their children's eating appropriately, and as a result expose them to all kinds of health risks. many parents need help and support, and if that is forthcoming, will deal very well with things. the problem arises if parents are unwilling or unable to co-operate with help they are offered; then they are choosing to expose their child to health risks, and there is a legal responsibility for health and social services to intervene if it is in the interests of the child.
I think what I'm trying to say is that we don't just need to look at the diets of fat kids. We need to look at the diets of all kids. Skinny kids who eat unhealthily are storing up just as much trouble for the future as fat kids are and I don't think making it the problem of fat kids is helping anybody.
Minty sorry this thread upset you so but after seeing the mum on gmtv this morning she annoyed me a bit with her attitude she seemed to be 'passing the buck' not seeming to understand SHE could make a difference Now I know tv can portray things as they wish but we all judge to a degree all kinds of issues on tv.
I've had children myself and work in paediatrics and sometimes some parents take no responsibility for their children- she looked like another one of those I'm afraid and I expressed my opinion in this case, not yours.
Good luck with your son hope you get support you need
If the mother of this child knew there was a problem at age two (which clearly she did) and she also is saying its a problem with his diet and she needs help, why hasn't she taken any of the help which was offered to her. The kid's sister seemed more aware of his problems than his mother, but its not her child. Clearly social services would be of benefit to his health if they stepped in and took at least some control over his eating habits.
There is clearly a massive difference between you and this mother, given that you have kept appointments, listened to advice and tried to do something about it. I don't think anyone here would lump all parents in the same boat - please don't assume that we do.
It's so tough being a parent: We all do the best we can given our resourses (intellectual, emotional, physical etc.) PLEASE don't be upset by the thread.
I have an autistic son and come in for the " 'Bad' behaviour is all the parent's fault" routine. So I know how it feels to be judged by the ill informed and uninitiated.
Jiggi xxx
The paed told me that 'maybe its down to you'. If that's the case I really do need to be told what I'm doing wrong when the dietician thinks I am adopting the right approach.
Jiggi, I am currently waiting for a diagnosis but Little Mint shows many autistic traits in spite of 'appearing' normal. Experts seem reluctant to give him a 'label' but he has so many difficulties which in trying to overcome them by himself, lead to lower self esteem, that I actually think a 'label' would help him because then, at least, school would have to listen and stop telling him off when he's trying his best to please them. He goes up to secondary school this year and TBH I'm terrified for him. He's going to get bullied about his weight and I just don't know what people will make of the stranger aspects of his personality.
Have a look at the NAtional Autistic Society website:www.nas.org.uk they have some excellent fact sheets and info. Take care Jiggi xxx
Minty, you clearly care about your son and as a responible parent, you have done and continue to do as much as you can to help him. You shouldn't be judged but praised.
There's no doubt that parents are responsible for the well-being of their children but clearly it's a very individual thing. Some parents need more help than others. That's not meant as a criticism but fact.
Last night the parent admitted to struggling not only with her child but with herself too (depression etc.) and clearly whatever help had been offered to her was not working. In this instance, perhaps the authorities have a bigger role to play in making sure the help she gets is adequate and successful.
I don't believe anyone should be judged on their weight be it under, over or normal weight, but unfortunately society is harsh and people are judged, hence why there are such huge issues around eating disorders today. People should not be made to feel inferior or self-conscious be it weight, skin colour, disability etc... full-stop!
My heart goes out to children who suffer as a result of any eating disorder, not just on the physical health aspects but also the mental side of it!
I also hope that the child (in last night's programme) is not being used as an example because it's a harsh lesson to learn, being put into care and as a result, who knows if there will be repurcussions in later life for him?
I just hope all relevant people involved (including parents and people in authority) can put their hand on their heart and honestly say they tried everything because this child is the only one to suffer as a result of their actions or possibly lack of?
I belong to a diabetic forum and every day new type 2 members log on, often very overweight, and frequently very young. The mother of a nine year old is the youngest so far. Some in their teens already have problems with neuropathy and early retinal damage.
Many don't seem to have any understanding of basic nutrition, in spite of all the TVprogrammes.'Chicken is good for me, then its OK to eat KFC every day..' 'I shouldn't eat 2 bowls of cereal as a snack, well what about pot noodles Often they have been drinking vast quantitites of sugary drinks. Questions are about shopping for prepacked meals, rarely about cooking from scratch.
BUT
What I do think is child abuse is allowing this child to be identified and interviewed on TV. If he were a victim of child abuse in 'normal' terms they would have blanked out his face and that of his mother.
I don't criticise that. We do that occasionally too, we're human. But when we do it, it's a terrible thing we're doing (child abuse, he's overweight, he can't have biscuits!). When she does it, it's alright because her kids are thin ... even though one of them has to up the levels of insulin. That's the message I get and she's threatening the health of her son as much as I am but it's okay cos he's not fat????
I don't work with kids anymore but I was ten years in education and saw all sorts of behavioral problems. I used to organise trips for kids in the summer and we normally took 75 kids between 7 and 14 for two weeks at a time. As fas as discipline was concerned, most of the 'bad' or 'naughty' kids were just normal good kids that hadn't been brought up with a set of rules or guidelines. We very rarely had any problems (I was a very strict teacher) because KIDS LIKE DISCIPLINE. They like having rules to follow (and to break, which is great fun).
By far, the hardest problems to solve were the eating problems. Kids who didn't eat were the worst - I really felt out of my depth there, and spent a lot of time talking to them and getting them to explain how they felt. Each child was so different it was difficult to know which approach to take. In general their parents were out of their wits with worry and I really felt for them.
I never had a problem with 'fat' kids. The diet we served was proper home-made food (with burgers on the last night as a treat). We let them eat as much as they liked, but there was no dessert if they didn't eat their main courses (unless of course. dessert was fruit) and then we made sure they ran about like loonies all day across fields and forests. I figured this was better than controlling their eating. The only problem with overweight kids were the other kids.
We had one 'fat' kid who came back to the summer camps year after year. Highly intelligent and sensitive. Two years ago when his mother phoned to reserve his place she told me he had been diagnosed with bulimia. The wee guy was unrecognisable. One of the other teachers and I spent the first night in tears over him.
I don't know the answers, but I think we all (me included) have to be very guarded in our opinions and involve jumping to conclusions and finger-pointing.
I also think putting kids on diets is a minefield. Obviously this kid is an exception because his health is at serious risk, but in general I'd do anything to avoid food turning into an issue for a child. (I'm not a mum, so I may be talking about of my ar$e here, but I was anorexic for years so I've got some interest in this.)
I'd give anything to go back to the nonplussed, emotionally healthy attitude I had towards food as a kid. I neither knew nor cared what a calorie was. I just ate when I was hungry, and didn't eat when I wasn't hungry. Freedom! Would LOVE to have that mindset back again. Hypnotherapy??
I hoped this would spark a discussion as it is a big issue, even if this was an extreme case, and I was pretty gob-smacked when Minty4 posted with her situation. But to be honest I'm glad she did because her views were very interesting and I'm glad she was so open.
You're right that social services can do no right sometimes, if there is a child killed in the next few months in that area some is bound to come up with the view that they were spending too much time on a kid not in danger!
But equally parents get a hard time as well, kids don't come with a manual or a set of indicators to tell you what is wrong with them. In this case the mum would be easy to vilify, social services saying she hadn't attended meetings set up to help, smoking in bed with her head nearly under the covers (good fire risk) before you remember that she was smoking round the boy. Had she been let down by social services? Should they have done something sooner? Could they have done much sooner?
I have school photos that start with a podgy but not 'fat' child and end (he's now year 6) with an obese child. In fact I was so devastated at how fat he had become that I didn't buy this year's photo, it made me feel so uncomfortable.
You're so right Staggers. This is a big issue but the most important thing is that it is handled sensitively. I don't think making a villain out of the child or the mother is in the least bit useful. Overweight children need to feel valued and accepted and, as Jane quite rightly says, food shouldn't be made a big issue ... except for educating them about the benefits of healthy eating.
I fear mine has given up on himself. If he were allowed to he would just live on chocolate and cakes now ... they're the things that give him the comfort he craves.
I will keep working away with him, developing his healthy appetite for fruit and veg (and I defy anyone to find a child that likes cabbage as much as mine does) and encouraging his love of exercise ... he's in another swimming gala on Saturday ... he'll be last in every race and struggle to climb out of the pool because of his weight but at least he'll be there and thankfully the rest of the club and the spectators have (so far) been really encouraging and supportive, which is obviously what he needs, rather than finger pointing him into withdrawing from the activity altogether.
Thank you all for hearing me out. I'm sorry my initial post was a mild tantrum - typed with tears streaming down my face. I took all the negative comments quite personally and it felt so unfair because I do try very hard and unles people will listen, they will never know that, they will just continue to judge.
Thanks for not being like that. And thanks for all the supportive emails too. I will respond to them inidividually but just wanted to say a group thank you as well.
This is just what forums are about. Open discussion and support. I love RW forums!!!
However, my own 3 sons eat just as much junk, given half a chance, but the difference is that we walk to school every day [unless it's chucking it down - or, as is the case now, Mum has plantar fasciitis (see thread!!)] and they have junk as a 'treat', ie once a week/2 weeks, not every day of every week. They aren't even slightly obese, but they aren't skinny's either.
It's all down to the individual child and his/her metabolism.
Maybe that woman was in the wrong ... I didn't watch the programme and so I'm not going to comment but any parent with that problem needs support (remember, I am one).
I didn't watch it because it felt uncomfortable parading that child in the manner it did. I saw pictures of him sitting on a sofa with barely a stitch on. I don't understand what is going to be achieved by parading him as some sort of 'freak' for thin people to point at and be able to feel better about themselves because they're lucky enough not to be him! He's a child - who is protecting him? Certainly not ITV!
Minty4
I totally agree. The child is 8 years of age and is being paraded in front of millions of people.
Children have feelings and emotions too yet it felt like he was being talked about but didn't exist (if you know what I mean)
It's upsetting to think how this may impact him now and in the future. Let's hope he gets the right help.
The media strikes again!
I'm glad the boy's staying with his mother. The fact that he's lost quite a bit of weight does show progress, though she does have to take some blame.
It is difficult. I'm no medical expert of course, but having struggled with my own weight (15 stone at most) I have a few thoughts on dieting. For one thing I think it's natural to want to eat fatty and sweet foods when they are available. For our hunter-gatherer ancestors thousands of years ago it would have been a survival advantage to put on weight when plenty of food was available. The problem comes when that food is available all the time. People who stay skinny all the time (especially if they eat a lot) are the abnormal ones.
I also think that malnutrition is a problem for many big folks today. It seems to me if you are short on vitamins you are going to have cravings and if wires get crossed then many you are going to try and satisfy them with the wrong food.
Maybe some food problems can start with over-anxiety by the parents. I used to volunteer in a children's hospital, and they sometimes saw kids who were totally refusing food or being very picky. This included babies and toddlers. From what I heard often what happens is that a baby is stopped from exploring the world with their mouth (it's natural for babies to chew everything...) and later goes on to refuse food. So the parent's paranoia about germs at a very early age can cause problems.
I think along with over-anxiety about germs goes myths about food. A lot of people seem to think kids should eat different food and not like vegetables. Absolute tosh if you ask me. I've always considered myself a picky eater (no mushrooms, I pick the fat off meat, I've yet to find a white soup I like, no blue cheese...) but as a kid I was always willing to try anything and loved most vegetables. Someone earlier in the thread said given the choice between white fish, carrots and brocoli and a burger and chips any kid would choose the latter. Actually as a kid I'd probably have choosen burger with carrots and brocoli (though I'd have preferred the carrots raw). I wasn't that keen on chips. And in spite of being nauseated by the smell of mushrooms cooking (I still am) as a kid I tried many varieties that my familly went and gathered, and am OK with fried puffball and shaggy ink cap *G*
Kids are individuals. If you give them something expecting they are not going to like it because 'kids don't like that' then maybe it's not a surprise if they don't. My familly was always willing to explore new foods, and I guess they've passed that on to me. I guess I'm more opiniated about food rather than food phobic as many kids seem to be today!