Alternative e-mail out of office messages

Nessie

I finish next week for a year's maternity leave and, while clearing out some dross, came across this list of suggested out of office responses.

I'm tempted, but won't (I do still need to have a job to come back to), but which would you choose, or do you have a better suggestion?

Suggestions for next time your out of the office and need to set up
an Auto-Reply e-mail
*********************

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail
to get the position.
Be prepared for my mood.

*********************

I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you

*********************

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything
at all.


*********************

Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain
removed so that I may be promoted to management

*********************

I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send
me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your
mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

*********************

Thank you for your email.
Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first ten words and
£1.99 for each additional word in your message.

*********************

The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try
sending again.

(The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see how many
in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

*********************

Thank you for your message, which has been added to an email queueing
system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a
reply in approximately 19 weeks and 3 days.

*********************

Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.


*********************

I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

*********************

Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your
PC for my response.

*********************

Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Please don't
bother to leave me any messages.

*********************

I've run away to join a different circus.

*********************

AND, FINALLY, ....

I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.'

[Deleted User]

'I'm having my brain removed'

Ratzer

You could consider putting together one of those headers you get when you forward an email, and above it write "I've forwarded this onto you to deal with, Thanks, myname".  I've done it to stupid questions when I've been in the office, but I knew they'd understand...

[Deleted User]

We had a case where someone put in their Out of Office that mail was being forwarded to their colleague "who is an old trout". She didn't see the funny side and it ended up being a disciplinary matter...

Muttley

I got told off at work for having an autoresponder that told correspondents that their email is important to me and asked them to hum Vivaldi's Four Seasons until I got round to answering it.

[Deleted User]

lol Muttley

Brizo

love them and im defo gonna use one when i go on hols

Nessie

I think the "I've run away to join another circus" probably suits my circumstances.

Or "I'm now on maternity leave and will be spending the next 12 months with a 3 year old and a baby. I probably won't notice the difference in the maturity of the daily conversations"

SuperCaz

Nessie, I would have put "I'm now on maternity leave and will be spending the next 12 months with a 3 year old and a baby. I am expecting them to be less demanding than my current job"

Muttley

Or to develop on that and (imho) improve a little:

"I'm now on maternity leave and will be spending the next 12 months with a 3-year-old and a baby. I am expecting them to require less spoon-feeding, hand-holding, cleaning up and mothering than my current line management."

Monty39

I am not in the office at present but will deal with this on my return. If you require assistance please contact my line manager xxxx xxxxx who will be happy to help. So long as its not a Monday. Or a Friday. As he "works from home" on these days but leaves his Out-of-Office on pretending that he is at a Meeting. Usually in Sheffield. Even though we dont have an office in Sheffield. If you require assistance on a Tuesday that might also be tricky as he sometimes doesnt surface till late in the afternoon. Wednesday can be a good day but make sure it is before 12pm as he often has to "Leave for a meeting" (Sheffield again?) Thursday can be tricky as he often has a dental / doctor / physio appointment in the afternoon. You have no chance on a Friday as its either Golf or the Pub.

Or just wait till Monday and i will sort it.

[Deleted User]

I like Muttley's suggestion.

I'm so far down the office pecking order, I don't even have email.

SuperCaz

Surely that's against your Human Rights Kwilter?

[Deleted User]

Apparantly I don't need email.

Except yesterday, when my boss was off sick, and needed to email the staff rotas from home. The work email was down, so I had to talk her through opening an email, attaching the excel file to the message, then sending it to my home email, so I could retrieve and print them.

All without me knowing what email system she uses, or her knowing whereabouts she'd saved the file to at home.

Nessie

I wish I didn't have e-mail.

Life was so much easier when people actually spoke to you, or wrote things that were actually important on a memo.

My inbox currently has 3000 e-mails needing answered/filed/deleted.  And I delete the carp about cakes and parking as soon as they arrive................

[Deleted User]

" I wish I didn't have e-mail. "

me too. lot of emails seem to be just about CYA by  cc'ing everyone in the orgasnisation, rather than getting something done.

Nessie

Oooh, I got all excited that someone had commented on my 3 year old thread.

No, not the kind of excited that needs any chemical stimulants, thanks all the same Luciano.

Did you actually translate Kwilter's post into another language and then back again to get that garbled nonsense?

I'd report your spam, but I don't want to get my thread deleted..............

PSC

I often put (this is for real)..

"I'm out of office until xx/xx/xx and will delete all emails on my return.  If your email is important please resend it after that date."

It works and people do resend important emails.

Muttley

The above spam reminds me of the latest innovation from Pfizer: a pill that combines Viagra and Prozac.

If it doesn't work, you don't care ...

seren nos

Nessie

 

 spam, can be removed without deleting your thread....

Schmunkee - The List Fairy

PSC wrote (see)

I often put (this is for real)..

"I'm out of office until xx/xx/xx and will delete all emails on my return.  If your email is important please resend it after that date."

It works and people do resend important emails.

There is a US company that advocates that approach so that their workers come back from annual leave to an empty e-mail in-box

booktrunk

Yup VW do it as well. 

Symes

One of my colleagues always deleted everything in their inbox on return from anything over 3 days off saying if it was important they'd re-send. Not been brave enough to try it myself.

PSC

you can always move it all into a "holiday emails" file that then just sits unread but is there if you need it.

Nessie

seren nos wrote (see)

Nessie

 

 spam, can be removed without deleting your thread....

So I see.   Does make my post look a little silly though.

I was off for 6 days, and came back to 327 e-mails.  I'd love to try the delete option.