Hi All

I am feeling a bit down about myself today as I have been accused of being "obsessed" by someone who is very close to me.

To give you a background, I like to run 3 times a week and go to the gym 2-3 times on top of that. I normally go right after work or just before work or in the morning at the weekend. In total, I would say I spend about 6-7 hours/week on exercising. I run and work out because it gives me joy, confidence and helps me cope with stress. I do not care much about how many calories I burn or how toned I am. I am always happy to move my sessions for socials or to accomodate quality time with loved ones.

Do you think the amount of time I put into exercising is extreme? If you have been in a similar situation where your loved one(s) were resentful towards the amount you exercise, how did you resolve the situation?

Thanks for your comments in advance!



  • Who cares?  Seriously.  Who really cares?

    Do you enjoy exercising?

  • TimeaJTimeaJ ✭✭✭

    I actually do care - I don't want my important relationships go down the drain because some people are unhappy.

  • do you work in research?

    you seem to like asking if people have had 'similar experiences'.......

  • TimeaJTimeaJ ✭✭✭

    LOL, no I am not a researcher (or a journalistimage). I just like to talk about topics that may affect lots of people and exchange ideas/experience etc.

  • Timi,

    Family and friends sometimes view us nutter's as not want to spend time with them just because we are training. Sounds more about ever resentment or insecurities on the part of whoever is saying your obsessed than anything else. I'd have a sit down with then and tell them you love them very much and but this is who I am and if I didn't I wouldn't be the person you love and care about.

    There might be a touch of misplaced guilt on there part because your doing something they consider healthy and therefore good and they arn't. Humans are silly creatures and all that.

    It's probably the case that they want to do stuff with you but they feel probably wrongly that you don't want to spend time with them so might be good to surgest something you can both do together at the same time that they might like while at the same time beat them round the head with a large wet macheral for being so daft. image

  • Oh and if they want to see what a real obsessive is point un this way and sure we can get then scared sh*tless talking about untra's or ironman training. image

  • Intermanaut wrote (see)

    Who cares?  Seriously.  Who really cares?

    Do you enjoy exercising?

    ok, im with intermanaut then image ...if you like running, keep doing it. sod em

  • Spend 6 or 7 hours a week on his dicky and he will be fine. Trust me.
  • So what do you think the issue REALLY is?

  • He prefers fat wimmin ?
  • E mmyE mmy ✭✭✭

    I'd ask them where they find the 'real' issue - is it you exercising? or you being away from them? Are they really calling you obsessive or are they scared of you changing? A very close friend of mine was 16st, never walked a day in her life and after a trip to the doctors she joined weightwatchers and a gym and changed her life around.

    2 years later she's 10st, loves sport and her favourite thing is taking her kids out on bike rides. Along the way she's been called everything by her family. They were so scared that she'd change and become a different person that they tried to keep her in the hole that they had shaped for her. They were also jealous of her committment to the diet and turning her life around that they didnt know how to handle it.

  • 6-7 hours doesn't seem excessive.

    I would say I exercise same or more (never really worked out the time - tend to think more about number of sessions!) Mind you my husband does same number of sessions so never been an issue! We just organise it so that as much as possible we are exercising in times we couldn't spend with each other or the kids. It doesn't always work out that way though but never been a problem!


  • Is your man a Hungarian?
  • MuttleyMuttley ✭✭✭

    You spend less time exercising than many spend sitting on their arses watching soaps or reality TV shite, or propping up the bar at the local.

    It's their problem, not yours. Tell them to get stuffed.

  • Muttley wrote (see)

    You spend less time exercising than many spend sitting on their arses watching soaps or reality TV shite, or propping up the bar at the local.

    It's their problem, not yours. Tell them to get stuffed.

    Agreed.  And why should your relationships control you anyway?  Mrs Easy trains far more than me, she's quite a serious runner; a member of a club, represents her county and spends a lot of time training.

    Personally, I like the break from her, but I'd in now way start complaining.  That would be a recipe for a breakup I think.  I know she loves running more than me. image

  • Stevie  GStevie G ✭✭✭

    Timi, if it's your fella (which you don't actually say it is), then he wants to meet some real obsessives....

    the twice a day, 11 times a week brigade, who shape everything around their next run...

    not just a casual run or gym session a day!

  • So what does you female lover do in her spare time?
  • 6/7 hours of exercise a week is not extreme. On top of this alot of your training is done before work in the mornings......so its not like you don't have the vast majority of your evenings free.

    'Obsessed' would be rather more than pro rata 1 hour a day.

    However, could there be more than meets the eye here? Could you be training too hard, exercising to exhaustion everyday? Running yourself down chasing those exercise cannaboids and endorphins?

    The hours you do are not too much, but the effort level might be too high. If people think you are becoming too thin, if you are very tetchy on days where you have to skip training or if you have no energy left over for the rest of your spare time there might be an issue that can't simply be highlighted in your opening post.

    For what its worth I train about the same as you and don't think it is remotely intrusive on my home/family/social life. My wife would prefer I did a bit less, but only so that I could mow the lawn a bit more, wash the cars more often or have tea a little earlier!!! Ha ha



  • Also-ranAlso-ran ✭✭✭

    ha ha .... just had a regular conversation with the OH 10 mins ago, then I read this.

    OH: "Are you running tomorrow",  me: "No, not tomorrow, just a short recovery jog"

    Sighs and raised eyebrows followed.

    1 hour of exercise seems very healthy to me, particularly for those of us with a sedentary job. I have a similar 'issue', having lost lots of weight, and now having a normal bmi. I am constantly being told to put weight on by family and friends - it drives me nuts. Told I look unwell etc etc. I used to explain patiently, now I just loose my ragg!

  • Is it time exercising or time away from home that is the cause of friction?  The trouble with gym work is that there is additional time spent in travel, changing, showering etc. that can add quite a bit to the total.  Having said that I think you are doing really well and your actual regime is not obsessive (you should see mine image!!).

  • perhaps its guilt, because they know they should exercise more, or feel they should but never do, they see you doing so much and feel guilty and being defensive about it is an easy way of releasing that.

  • TimeaJTimeaJ ✭✭✭

    Hi All

    Thank you so much for all the responses and advice - I honestly did not expect sdo much feedback image

    The funny ones made me laugh, the accounts about running ultras helped me put things into perspective a bit more and the ones about similar experience made me feel less isolated with this problem.

    I have managed to identify that the root of the problem is how my exercise regime impacts the amount of time I can spend with family. In particular, with my hubby, as some of you have guessed correctly! Our difficulties started to arise from the fact that we did not live together before we got married (I know this is shocking, we are the old fashioned type!) and these things started to emerge only once we started to live under the same roof. Whilst we did not live together, I came and went whenever it pleased me, I did not need to concern myself with how the other person may feel about me not being around at certain times.

    We did have a lengthy convo last night about this and managed to establish a good way to tackle this going forwards - we will agree in advance when we wanna do something together and I will schedule my wourkout around that rather than letting my workout schedule dictate everything else. I still do not believe that I am "obsessed" but I appreciate that someone who does not exercise much (like my hubby and all my other family members) the amount I do may seem a bit too much for them.

    What I have learnt from this is that it is all about understanding what the real issue is, know what is really important for you, work out some solutions together, compromise when possible, and keep communicating in an open, honest and non-judgemental manner.

  • Timi,

    I do 6 to 7 hours a week training and the only person who has called me obsessed is obese and has an unhealthy relationship with his mother.
  • Sussex runner....wow....I love your answers! But seriously what I was going to say has been said; your solution also seems great! But I keep reminding myself of the words of Doug Larson who was a gold medal winner in 1924; "For disappearing acts it is hard to beat what happens to the 8 hours left after 8 hours of sleep and 8 hours of work". 6 to 7 hours a week is nothing. Inactivity is a killer; the health problems associated with not excercising have been estimated at costing a thousand million dollars in the US (Professor F Booth; British Journal of Sports Medicine). I do not feel the need to 'get my moneys worth' out of the NHS; whether or not to do some sort of quality excercise is an easy decision for me!

  • I bet a lot of people on this forum would do 6-7 hours just at the weekend image

  • Stevie  GStevie G ✭✭✭

    Timi, the time I met you was at a running club, and you brought him along.Can you include him a couple of times a week? And get him to do his own thing on your gym times?

    Then there shouldn't be even a hint of a problem!

    ps well done on keeping it traditional...too many laissez faire types around these days image

  • running chemist is right - lots of triathletes on here go out and do 6 or 7 hours over a weekend, plus shorter workouts during the week. You're deffo not obsessive.

  • i agree with everything said here.  like also-ran i have lost a lot of weight through running.  i come from an overweight family and we grew up on tv and deep fried food. my sister and i have both lost lots of weight over the past 5 years through running (for me, my sister has done a million different programmes at the gym).  We are constantly being told we are too skinny and need to put on weight, mainly by people who are overweight and dont excercise.  they dont understand.

    I remember (at 17 stone) that i used to lie on the sofa on sunday mornings hungover after 12 beers and a kebab the night before.  I'd be eating a sausage sandwhich and the local running club would go past my window. 'freaks' i would say!  I just couldnt comprehend why someone would go for a run at 9am on a sunday.  now i am one of them.

    sometimes my wife still thinks i run too much but it is not obsessive, i run as much as my lifestyle (busy job, travel, family, kids) allows.  I asked one of the better runners at my club how many times per week he runs and he said about 11 or 12! it took me a minute to figure it out, 'thers only 7 days in the week!' thats obsessive.

    an hour a day is perfectly healthy and if you were doing it before you got married he should accept that its part of the person he married.

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