Kids and alcohol

If you had a 14 year old daughter (yr 9) would you let her go to a Christmas party at one of her friends dad's house if she told you some of them (13/14 year olds) were taking alcohol (wkd was mentioned) and the guy who owned the house was OK with it? 

I'm thinking no chance but she reckons most of her friends parents are OK with it.

 

 

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Comments

  • No.  My daughter is now 16 and we let her go to a party like that; though I dropped her off and picked her up (and I really wasn't happy about it).

    But I can't believe what some parents let their kids do; it's like they want to be mates with their children, rather than being a parent.

  • i think it would depend on the child........are they mature enough to  comply with whatever agreement you made with them......eg ... no alcohol..or just the one......after food and then soft drinks.........

    I think i would be tempted to leave it another couple of years to be honest..........but i would tend to go on your instincts........you seem pretty sensible in general regarding your kids and you seem to have taken the time to know them

  • Nope, had this one tried on a few months back. They'll tell you most of their friends parents are ok with it - doesn't mean it's true!
  • Well I thought that but she's staying over at one of their houses tomorrow night and she says ask her dad

     

    edit - oh and I'm not letting her go - just wondering if I'm out of step with what's normal - I asssumed this kind of thing would be more 16 year olds up

  • (Thank goodness I don't have kids.)

  • No and it would not be a matter of how mature/sensible she was.

    It would worry me that there was so much uncontrolled behaviour regarding the party. Others can get out of hand and it might not matter how mature/sensible she is.

    Liken it to the the safest best qualified mature driver on the road and he meets a drunk driver or a car out of control hurtling towards him......skills and qualities won't help........ there will be pain and hurt!

  • i think thats slighly different Martenkay.......a bit extreme 

    If she went and remained sober she would be the wiser when she saw the ones drinking throwing up and being sick everywhere making a fool of themselves........I have never heard of drunken teenagers being a danger to their friends.mainly to themselves

     

  • Is she just saying that other parents are ok with it? Have you asked the other parents if they are letting their kids drink at this party?

    Don't let her go.

  • No, no and thrice no !!!

    And I would also strongly think about having a word with the so-called 'parent' that does think it is acceptable for children (and at 14 they still very much are children despite how grown up they think they are) to behave in that way, and indeed actively encourages others children to do so too (by allowing it in their house as a party!) ... just grossly wrong !

     

     

  • The parent hosting the party can also be sued for breach of his/her duty of care to the children if any of the kids attending the party drink alcohol and come to harm because it.

  • I was never allowed to go to parties with alcohol when I was a teenager. This taught me to lie through my teeth to my parents image.

    I have a son in year 9, and no. I wouldn't let him go to a party where it was okay for 14 year old's to be taking alcohol. I would speak to the parent involved. You might find the poor fella knows nothing about it! Teenagers are a devious little bunch!

    These issues have got to be talked through properly though. Plenty of teenagers get drunk hanging around the park where there is no adult to supervise.

    Just saying 'no' all the time isn't enough. Open honest discussion about the reasons why it isn't a good idea is more important in my opinion. The kids have got to learn to make responsible choices for themselves, they need have the possible consequences pointed out to them.

    Peer pressure is a monster and whether we like it or not, being liked by your mates to many 14 year old's is a lot more important than doing what your Mum says.... I don't know many teenagers who don't test the boundaries! Not many resist all temptations just because they are doing what their parents have told them to do. We just like to think that's the case.

     

  • My sons nearly 15 and I'd not let him go to a party where there was going to be alcohol and the parents were Ok with the youngsters drinking.

    We've allowed him to have small sips of alcohol, including very watered down wine and bucks fizz but he doesn't like it and will tell you that he doesn't want to try it when you offer it. I'd hope that if he was at a party where there was alcohol he'd turn it down, but peer pressure can be horrible (at any age).

    I remember trying alcohol at his age at a scout camp, someone had brought homemade alcohol of some sort and we shared it out while the leaders weren't around. Only problem was to hide the fact of what we were drinking we poured into into the mugs of tea that we were drinking, instantly curdled the milk image and put us off.

  • I don't know about that Kk.

    Teens are far less able to consider consequences. They want acceptance at any cost.

    Most adults are more answerable to their own conscience and moral code.
  • If you say no, she will find a way to go anyhow, whether to this party or the next, I would say you know your child better than anyone and you are the best person to judge, personally I would say yes but I'd expect good behaviour, I'd also make sure that she was dropped off and picked up.

  • There's always one!

  • popsider wrote (see

    I'm thinking no chance but she reckons most of her friends parents are OK with it.

    image

  • hands up who was drinking alcohol outide their own house at the age of 14image

  • I didn't start drinking with friends till I was 17. I would have been way too scared (of getting into trouble) at 14.

    Dunno what I'd do not having kids. I do think it's telling that she's told you the truth and not lied and arranged to stay at a friend's house.

  • I'm with EKGO! My parents let me go to stuff like this when I was that age, they trusted that they had brought me up with enough sense not too get into anything too dodgy! I'm not saying I was an angel, but they always knew where I was and came to pick me up. I never came home drunk (I saved that until I was in my 20s!).

    If you trust her to be sensible, set out the ground rules and make it clear that if she doesn't stick to them it's game over for her social life!

  • Colin McLaughlin wrote (see)

    (Thank goodness I don't have kids.)

    So are we.

  • My 14 year old wouldn't want to go.

    She has better things to do than drink alcohol and is showing no interest in it at all.



    That may change. I was 20 before I drank alcohol at all. And Mr LB is teetotal. She doesn't think drunks are very classy..... :-/
  • LB I don't think chocolate liqueurs count.

  • It's similar to many issues with teens, your instinct is to protect and you virtually go to war, hard as it seems you have to accept they will always do the things you did, so I found it better (after the initial war) to allow something I could live with. Also agree with the comment on what I was doing at that age, when I wasn't playing football and rugby I was sneaking the odd can of lager.

    FF that occurred to me too
  • my brother went to one of these parties, at 1am my Mum got a phone call saying please can you pick him up from A&E, apparently he'd drunk a lot of vodka and was vomiting everywhere

    i would think 14 is too young, maybe different at 16 if they have had the occasional glass of wine etc in a supervised setting (e.g. family parties)  and are aware of what alcohol can do

  • If you say your child is sensible, and had not brought you any trouble previously, then maybe you could give them the chance to prove how they can be trusted. You don't know what they will do until you give them the chance. Mind you, only one chance for something like this though.
  • If you suffer from peer pressure as an adult then you seriously need to question yourself IMO image

    Anyway, to answer the original question - my friend and I first got drunk at 15, after hours, in her parents's pub, under their supervision.

    Sounds terrible now but it did neither of us any lasting harm and they were there to look out for us. My other friend, whose parents were ultra-strict had 2 kids before the age of 19 and is what you might call "a bit of a lush" - it seemed to be a symptom of beng denied everything and not being trusted.

    I suppose what I'm saying is that it depends on the kid. We also need to take some of the mystique out of booze so if the adult present can be relied upon to limit what's available then it might actually be a good thing.

  • i agree with taking the forbidden ness out of alcohol...it like food.everything is ok in moderation........

    I have let my boys drink in the house for years,................they know the rules........no spirits apart from a taster..................they have to eat first.they have to alternate with soft drinks............not on a school night..........

    to be honest they only probably drink a dozen times a year as its no big deal.........they had some alchol each last christmas and it was still there a month or two later...........

    like all things there is no right way or wrong way with kids...........they all have different characters and peer groups.......you just try and follow your instincts

     

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