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SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I know to expect nothing from most of them but I thought you were different. I should have guessed that in the end you would be as bad as the rest.
Don't worry, I'll get out of your hair as quickly as I can but I hope you realise that means that you won't get the benefits either
Dear Gillian,
I hope you won't' mind me texting Sky News but it neded pointing out to you that the VLM is not "primarily a fun run" and therefore "not as important as Boston".
Erm, I know that it was a terrible tragedy and people lost their lives. And that the video footage, the manhunt and the shootouts all make for great journalistic fun and all that. But is wall-to-wall coverage really necessary given that it is Boston Massachusetts, not Boston Lincolnshire? I mean, I would quite like to know what else is going on in the world. And in this country, if possible.
Dear marathon bomber: so, your brother is dead, you may never speak again and you're probably going to jail for the rest of your life.
Was it worth it?
freelancers/journalists - enough of the self indulgent 'coping with a sick/ill/disabled child' articles. It must be a struggle having to finish that piece 'on a laptop at the clinic' and it must be a hardship that your partner had to do that presentation from the home study on skype rather than go into the office.
FYI there are a large number of parents who cope without work being transferrable, y'know the teachers, medical staff, factory workers, shop workers, bank employees ....need me to go on?
Dear XX: I know you're young but you really arre pretty dim aren't you? How do you even find your way out of bed in the morning?
Dear cold - please leave my chest alone, it really hasn't done anything to you and doesn't deserve it.
Thanks.
Dear Forumite: I honestly can't beleive you are still alive.
Great, another fecking group of people who don't know how to do their jobs and have apparently been sitting in a cave somewhere for the past 8 months....
Dear test team - all of you, testers and test management, close up your laptops, get up out of your seats and walk away. Just go. You are fecking useless the lot of you.
Testers - you don't know what you're doing. I don't really care if the test script tells you to expect a certain outcome. The outcome is as per the standard and how it is supposed to work. And as it's the standard I pretty much suspect that trumps a test script written by you.
Test managers - I blame you more. You work on the basis that if you employ an infinite number of testers working on an infinite number of laptops they will eventually successfully run a test. Wrong. They create havoc because they have as much knowledge of the system they are testing as I do about the mating habits of a slug.
You have been running test phases for two years now. In that time hasn't it occurred to you to do some kind of root cause analysis? You know, perhaps look for trends? Maybe even question why something that has been in production for two years and hasn't changed should now be a problem? In affect get others to get up off of their arses and look at these things instead of throwing everything the way of my team and I.
And as for working weekends to catch up you can feck right off. I, unlike you, did a root cause analysis on all the stuff that we have had to deal with. I wrote a triage process for you so that things could be dealt with efficiently. I offered to do an initial check for you. I offered to talk to you and the testers. You decided it wasn't necessary. So you can jog on.
Supermarket starting with a W, your chocolate sponge cake that you charge a lot for,is to put it bluntly, very average.
Dry crumbly sponge and the meanest amount of filling possible,yet you charge over £5 for it. My friend was ripped off.
Mancunian moped riders - if you weave down the middle of M67 at 0130 with no lights, and in dark clothing, you are quite likely to be killed and end up on someone's conscience. Perhaps you should grow up a little.
Oi you lot! Yes you lot in lycra short and matching t shirts with your names on. Yes you lot who sat around the office one day and decided that it would be fun to do a race together. When I say together I meen you lot that run side by side sometimes six or seven wide causing a moving lycra road block. I admire you sense of spirit and team work, but whatever made you think you shoud put yourselves into that time bracket. You have done little or no training and you are holding up those of us who have. GET OUT OF THE WAY FOR F@*KS SAKE.
The date and walnut loaf is much nicer (and cheaper). I find most supermarket chocolate cake is pants, although M&S Swiss rolls have plenty of filling in them...
Maybe it was a particularly active Stag do?
Please can we fast forward to 5pm today and save the agony of waiting for the outcome?
ehy did you have to write a report that was full of errors and makes it seem like my little boy is incapable and, to put it bluntly, thick.
Woohoooooooooooo
To my kids: STOP EATING ALL THE F@*$%^g CHOCOLATE BISCUITS.
Give us a clue Womble...
AFC Wimbledon stay in League Two
having needed to win to do it.
Ooh, result then
Woohoo indeed, Womble. I don't really follow footie much but always please to hear that they have won.
Dear people of Colchester if someone jogging past you on a fine sunny morning wishes you a cheery "Good morning" it not only takes more effort to pretend you can neither hear or see me but makes you look like a right ignorant c%@t.
That's Colchester for you oirisheyes. There's a reason why I moved away
You can see clearly on the TV footage, a large womble invading the pitch at the end.
Not me, obviously, being a small, well-behaved womble
I once jogged past a solitary runner one cold Christmas Eve on the canal towpath. Full of the festive spirit and feeling like he and I were the ony two people in the world out running I said "morning" and he ignored me.
I sincerely hope he choked on his sprouts!
Dear Screamapillar - you entered the ballot again didn't you? Don't you remember what happened to your toes last time? And the time before?
Dear Mr Real Estate Agents A & B,
You have told us lie after lie and you know it. I'm sorry but lying and telling me what you think I want to hear will only go so far. We've been waiting 8 months for this house - and I'm not even sure what the real issue is. In the meantime, we have been paying through our noses for the privilege of commuting 4 hours a day everyday and living out of suitcases.
Because of you incompetent, lying, wheeling dealing lot, we have been unable to move on with our lives, relying on the kindness of family and friends because you keep promising us exchange of contracts is "imminent", As a result of your false promises, we haven't been able to just look for somewhere to rent for 6 months. I'm sick of moving and I'm bl**dy sick of your faces.
And I'm totally, completely sick and tired of my job. The only things that keeps me here are the money and that I am entitled to use my 1 hour lunch break to go for a run. If not, I'd have either left the company or gone mad by now. You pretentious, backstabbing, gossipy lot.
After reading the report in the Telegraph this lunchtime I wish only bad things for Mark Bridger