sent you a message to your email address. I am working on how to get access to my email account but I am just happy that at the moment he said I can use his computer
Tell me to mind my own business but you need to resolve this issue, I got quite angry when I read that post of yours a few weeks back and am still angry. As someone who is married to someone suffering from long term post natal depression, Depression (and you OH does seem to be suffering from depression following loss of job etc) I know just how debilitating depression can be - he needs help and he needs it now.
Rant over take care of yourself and make sure you are OK - there are all sorts of helplines and people you can speak to about it.
I have got access to my email account now but so has he. He set it up for me on his computer but means he can read all my messages. I feel really nervous about it all. I don't want to make him angry. If you do email me he will read it first probably. I do get access to internet like when he is in other room not watched but feel very nervous about it. take care x
Peahead. Your ISP (internet service provider) more than likely has an account page on the internet and you WILL be able to change your password for your email account. Or you can easily set up a hotmail account with it's own password. Post if you need to know how. If you have different users on one provider connection, you will have your own password which you can change. If you need to have the main account password and don't know it, then the best option is to set up the hotmail account. I know this can be seen as antagonising if someone has always been able to read your mails. Also, if you don't want someone to try and track what you have been looking at on the internet, you need to clear your temp internet files. To do this in internet explorer, go to the tools menu, choose internet options and click on the pushbuttons to delete temporary internet files and cookies. Someone with a reasonable IT knowledge would know that you have deleted these files though. Take care. Ditto to Lyra's comment.((peahead))
yes but cahnging the pass word would annoy him, so try and set up another account like soph said , if you get five mins to yourself, mee I am off to the park to play footaball with a 4 year old, no not mine, very cute but I can give him back.
Second (or third) what Lyra says, plan your escape, there are people that can help if you reach out for it. Please contact someone this week - even if it's only someone off this thread to ask what to do.
May seem drastic, but his behaviour sounds very, very controlling to me. There's no harm in exploring your options now, it may help you to feel more empowered and able to deal with the situation in the way that is best for all of you.
If he downright refuses to couple counselling to try and resolve this decline since losing his job, then the future is bleak for the pair of you despite the fact that you still love him. A 'relationship' can't be onesided....
He's not all bad. He's just going through a rough time. He is being really nice to me and kids today. He has been eating properly (which he doesn't do if I'm out) and even said he will look for a job soon. It is as much my fault as his the way he behaves cos I don't help things. when things are good life is good x thanks for all your support and advice. It is hard cos he likes me but not with kids around sometimes. You may think I am weak and maybe in a way I am but this is what I have got to live with and make the most of.
All the things that you have said in that post is exactly why you two need to go to couple counselling together. He should like you even when you are totally mad at each other and even with the children around. That is a side issue to the behaviour that is undermining your relationship.
had a look at the links. I am not innocent in all this. he is how he is because i have made him like it. it is abuse sometimes but he needs me. everyone always leaves him
So, because he treats you ok that makes it alright to shout at you sometimes? I'm sorry if I'm asking tough questions here, but I'm trying to make you see things for what is actually happening.
That is what he is wanting you to believe. You have to ask the question, why is it that everyone always leaves him? Has he behaved like this in the past in other relationships? If you don't want to leave him and you truely believe that some of it is down to your behaviour (doubtful), then you need to get some counselling together....
He has convinced you it is your fault, maybe it is 2 sided none of us really knows the full story, just take care of the kids, he will treat you like this if you let him, so until you can see clearer, you should seek professional help, as on here you will get a biased response which is only to be expected, and that just makes you jump to his defence.
when it gets to the stage you have discribed to me personally peahead I am sorry but he really needs help,I know we are all wasting our breath here seen it too many times before, take care x
thanks, I keep the kids safe and he wouldn't hurt them physically he just shouts at us. I stick up for them and tell him not to swear at us. Its hard cos i love him even when I hate him. I am messed up too x
No one is that hard to live with if you really like/love each other. You accept the other persons perceived inadequacies and get on with each other. It is part of having a relationship and no one has to put up with being shouted at on a regular basis, you resolve problems through talking. And like NN has said, what message is that sending the kids, that it is alright to get your way by shouting?? :-s
Comments
Got your mail too. Do you have a friend/relative you can email from? It's dreadful that you don't have access to your email account!
Here for you any time.
Heidi xx
Rant over take care of yourself and make sure you are OK - there are all sorts of helplines and people you can speak to about it.
I have got access to my email account now but so has he. He set it up for me on his computer but means he can read all my messages. I feel really nervous about it all. I don't want to make him angry. If you do email me he will read it first probably. I do get access to internet like when he is in other room not watched but feel very nervous about it. take care x
Peahead, you will have my mobile no soon,good luck at the tavy 7 wish I was doing it, but bit soon after Dublin.
Drop me an email if you need an ear. I have very sturdy shoulders!!! ;o)
x
xxx
Also, if you don't want someone to try and track what you have been looking at on the internet, you need to clear your temp internet files. To do this in internet explorer, go to the tools menu, choose internet options and click on the pushbuttons to delete temporary internet files and cookies. Someone with a reasonable IT knowledge would know that you have deleted these files though.
Take care.
Ditto to Lyra's comment.((peahead))
Just in case it's helpful
And this
Finally, this one
May seem drastic, but his behaviour sounds very, very controlling to me. There's no harm in exploring your options now, it may help you to feel more empowered and able to deal with the situation in the way that is best for all of you.