Howdy, Stranger!
Categories
Options
bullying at school and how to deal with it
The materials in this website are in no way intended to replace the professional medical care, advice, diagnosis or treatment of a doctor, qualified personal trainer, therapist, dietitian or nutritionist Runners's World, Part of the Hearst UK well-being network © Copyright 2017
Comments
I hope things are improving for your son at school. May I suggest that you insist on a meeting between the Head, yourself and the parents of the bully to iron things out.
Good luck.
terrible situation, and you must go to the head to sort it out
i empathise with the schools somewhat in that as often as not the parents of the infractor will turn up, arms folded, in pikey costume, wanting a fight with the head
but give the school a chance
i had a similar issue at a secondary school... the teacher said to mrs c 'if its any consolation, i was bullied by the same pupils and i had to stay off work for 6 months' - really!
hopefully it wont come to that
fortunately in my case, i coach wing chun kung fu, and we could afford a private gramar... the school did nothing, but the bullies got leathered after two months and (when the school aimed at the soft target of my kid who was defending himself) we moved to somewhere private
pretty extreme, but any normal school will try to help you
it might sound sad, but unless you live in the right area, or you can afford to go private, its hard to avoid
i would (and i am for all mine) make them less of a victim by giving them the 'physical confidence'... avoid karate which is pants, go for wing chun, or boxing, or kick boxing
sad as it may sound, bullies get bullied as they are frightened of confrontation/being hurt .. giving them a 'yes we will both be hurt, maybe you more' attitude will make the bullies look elsewhere
yes this is completely wrong, and giving some other poor kid the problem, but as parents in the sad circumstance when the school will do nothing, what are we to do?
Why am I karate? Should I be avoided?
Confused...
then moved to London and didn't have the time or the inclination to start a class so i just train with two ex-students down here (well obviously not ex now, but they were when they had moved south but i hadn't, if that makes sense)
yesterday the three boys picked up #1 son (and two of his friends) and threw thwm - he reported to the teacher who them told them off. I WILL be having yet more words on monday morning.
As far as masrtial arts go -I'm plannin gto send himn to a beginners tae-kwon-do class early next year when he's 6, so I have thought about it already!
will keep you posted, and thanks so much for the suppport it's so appreciated
Definitely time to take this further, that's at least twice and it should IMO have moved beyond "telling off" by now.
BTW Andy, any idea where I can find a Wing Chun class in SW London/North Surrey? I did it for a bit in Uni and I'd be interested int aking it up again.
I feel compelled to post on here as I am extremely angry and upset at what is going on with your son. I was a target for bullies throughout my childhood, from Primary 1 (5 years old) through to 15 years old. A lot of it was led by the same person. At primary school he completely d me, and even though I was at a different to a different secondary school, he went to the same Boys Brigade as me, therefore bullied me there. I was also bullied by other tossers at secondary school. My crime? I was an introvert, I kept myself to myself, wasn't with the 'in' crowd and therefore I was a target. I know it has had a deep traumatical mental effect on me, and even now I think it has had a lasting effect on my character. What punishment did the bullies get? A TELLING OFF! Did it stop them? Take a guess!
Fraggle, please, please, please consider taking this as far as you can, I don't know if you have a legal case, but if you do, threaten to sue the school, sue the parents, do whatever it takes to protect your son. Don't stop short of getting these tossers excluded. Why should your son have to leave the school when he's done nothing wrong!
AAAAARRGGHHH! (A very annoyed RoadRunner)
and ((((hugs to you and your son whatever you decide to do))))
Excluding people isn't that easy - as far as I know you have to have a fair bit of evidence (one person's word is unlikely to be enough). By its very nature (they don't bully in front of teachers etc) this may be hard to obtain.
The school would also probably also need to show that the school had made significant efforts to sort the problem without resorting to exclusion.
I'm not suggesting that you don't push it with the school, IMO they need to step things up, but do bear in mind that the school has to work within certain parameters. Barkles would be able to give you details of what these were. I work in schools, but it's a much older age group and in the private sector. Even so, we still get threats of legal action in completely ridiculouts situations.
we complained - big style - and the Head master said this was 'a normal playground interaction' that 'Mini has a very strong sense of right and wrong and we should help her to reduce her standards to those more appropriate for a 9 year old.....' La de da mum said that Mini had a 'track record' which she's brought with her and her daughter had Never been in any trouble.....
Apparently head's son is a trouble maker at the secondary school that he goes to....can see why - his dad is very nice - but hopelessly weak and unprincipled
Mini joined a French club / recorder club (she's hopeless - she played the triangle instead!!!) and a chess club - it helped her get through last year. This year she's teamed up with kids several years younger than her - which helps her have company
Have you got a copy of your school's bullying policy ? - if not ask for it - altho' the one's we've seen are really badly worded and weak - at least you'll have it which will make them realise you're serious.
Also ask them to formally record on your file the fact that these incidents have occurred - because when your school has an inspection this should be considered by the inspector.... Not the fact that bullying has happened - I believe it happens everywhere - but it's how the school reacts that matters.
Now I have 3 kids the eldest of which has just started school I do worry about this. I know if mine were physically attacked that my first instinct would be to talk to the parents of the kids concerned - or if they were teenagers the kids themselves. What do people think?
Point is - many many children bully because they have difficulties at home - either parents who don't set the right standards nor encourage them to think of others / or parents who ignore them ... or parents who are bullies themselves or think they're better than everyone else etc...or no parents - the first girl that went at Mini was adopted...so the school 'sided' with her all the time because 'she'd had a hard time'... so she's now a real trouble maker apparently.
At the 2nd school Mini went to - the lad's dad was chair of the PTA...... he became chair within 3 months of his son joining the school..and looked so horribly aggressive that I didn't have the guts to talk to him to be honest....and anyway I thought I was doing it right going via the school's system.
The school had this WEIRD arrangement that all the dads went away camping with the children and the 3 teaching staff - (village school) - NO mums allowed ...every August BANK HOLIDAY !!!......they still do it. MrSS didn't - which I guess is why we didn't fit in - but holiday time is precious to us as a family. Now I realise why they do it - it's for 'male bonding' so that the 'inner circle' will back each other up no matter what...... scarily unhealthy, IMHO.
not treating anything trivially or advocating what you are suggesting
If kids see that they aren't going to be able to bully someone, they usually don't bother.
I got bullied at primary school, but as soon as I kicked the cr@p out of one of them when he tried it on his own, they all left me alone
Bullying by its nature is covert, so I can see why it is often difficult for outsiders to intervene unless they can persuade people to stop something which they may not have admitted to.
either the school sorts it, or it goes unreported/ignored/unsolved and the victim suffers in silence for years (common i believe), or the kid ceases being a victim -- bullies are generally very cowardly, and if their intended victim develops a level of self confidence it generally wont come to violence
as i said, and as everybody else did, the head should be brought in, and hopefully they will solve the issue properly
maybe i'm jaundiced and assuming the worst, after witnessing a school which refused to do anything (and where, as noted above, the teacher took a leave of absence due to being bullied by pupils - and then tried to use this as consolation for them doing nothing about children being bullied)