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Ok, what would you do?
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Do you know why your Grandmother put your mum & her sister up for adoption? That might give you a clue as to whether it's a secret she always kept from her new family, or if she told them and they've always wondered what happened to them. Odds are on the former though.
Still, even if they're not interested in contact I doubt they'll be scared for life. It's not like you're demanding a share of their inheritance, is it?
My decision on this would hinge on whether such an approach will affect the lives of those still living, or just turn up interesting family history. In fact, I'd wait until sure that those still alive have passed on. People of advanced years might not want a shock, be it pleasant or otherwise, and their generation often have different concepts of family "shame" to ours.
Example: my Dad was born illegitimate because his father married my grandmother bigamously. While alive he never breathed a word of it to me and nor did my Mother (who's still alive). I only learned the story after his funeral. And the few in the family who did know only knew because they found out after my grandmother's funeral ... and kept it quiet.
Knowing this earlier wouldn't have affected my relationship with Dad at all, of course, but he was obviously ashamed. I later "traced" my grandfather, who had died 10 years earlier. Other members of the family have tracked down relatives of his from his first, legitimate, marriage and met up with them. But tbh I've not followed that up. When it comes to contacting long-lost or never-knew-they-existed relatives, best to proceed with caution - you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family!
Thanks Jj,
I is an engineer so everything can just comes a cross across well a bit cold sometimes.
Piers
Fair point Muttley about waiting till an older generation have passed away...my uncle actively tried to dissuade me from tracing my(and his!) family history, in case I turned up some skeletons.
The ones I have found are very little skeletons (birth a bit too close to the marriage, people's ages not being 100% accurate on marriage certificates) but I guess to someone older they might be more embarrassed about such issues.
Piers - didn't sound pompous at all, and that's a very good idea - they may be looking too.
My grandmother was unmarried, and her father disowned her (her mother was dead). I guess in 1925 there were no other options - certainly no state handouts and council houses that might be available today. Like you, I suspect that she may never have told her new family of her past.
Inheritance? Oooh, never thought of that..........
I went on genes reunited a fair few years ago to try trace my family. Long story but my dads whole side basically died in a haze of Irish alcoholism and general merriment (it's genetic - not my fault).
Anyway, I gave up because I had no idea how to do anything anyway and landed up forgetting about it completely.
A few years ago - about 6 years ago, I had this random message from an elderly gentleman living in Scotland who was wondering if the surname of my great grandmother could in anyway be related to XXX person that he was researching. While it's not close relative, he turns out to be my dads uncle - a great uncle to me that I didn't know I had. Living in Scotland.
Still haven't met him but exchange emails and letters and photos. His daughter developed fibroids recently (at 46) and we exchanged emails on health advice.
Me? I would get in contact. You don't have to blurt it all out on the first email but you could open the door for them. They have a right to know as well - imagine knowing that someone out there knew the wear-abouts of a sister or child and chose not to tell you?
I would get in touch, definitely. I think because we're (i'm assuming) mostly British folk on here, we become inherently British in response to this with a 'ooh i don't want to rock the boat....' type answer.
However, we only get one life, humans are built around social connections, and I think if you've got family out there, it is worth trying to find them. No point pussy-footing about; if they aren't interested, then you can't do much about that, but I think it is worth taking the chance - they might be delighted to know you exist