Men's Health Readers

What are the top three ways to have better sex with a topless gay man who has perfect abs?

You get told 6 new ways every month, so assuming they aren't the same six, you must have an encyclopaedic knowledge by now!

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  • New vocations like mining...

    (C&P a version of this joke) 

     At the National Gallery in London, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

    The painting depicted three American men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie.

    The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.

    He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In fact,' he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.'

    After the curator left, a man approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'

    'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?' asked the couple.

    'Because I'm the guy who painted it,' he replied.

    'In fact, there are no black men depicted at all! They're just three American coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.'

  • 6? We've only tried 4!
  • LN image

    6?  I can only think of 2 and one of those is one my own image

  • I don't understand that joke LN - please explain.

    Also, what's this thread about?

  • Red Squirrel. wrote (see)

    Also, what's this thread about?

    Why men will never be equal until we can spend 6 hours and £100 at the hairdressers and get away with it as pasrt of the house keeping
  • I have never spent £100 at the hairdressers ...

    Still don't know what that joke means

  • I heard Max Boyce tell that joke about Welsh miners back in the 70's! Of course they wouldn't understand it now as they wouldn't know what a Welsh miner was.

  • I know what a Welsh miner is Fishy, I'm 47.

    I just told the joke in the office and no-one understood it.

    Does anyone on here?  Or are you all pretending you do?

  • The joke is poking fun at pretentious art critics who made the assumption the picture is about oppression etc when all it is a picture of coal miners, one of who was made very welcome by his wife/lover when he popped home for lunch, hence why his penis is not covered in coal dust.

    I would have thought that mining naked would breach several H&S codes, but then the joke wouldn't work.

  • I got it first time.  Maybe it's the way our minds think BDB.
  • Badly Drawn Blo-ho-ho-ke wrote (see)

    The joke is poking fun at pretentious art critics who made the assumption the picture is about oppression etc when all it is a picture of coal miners, one of who was made very welcome by his wife/lover when he popped home for lunch, hence why his penis is not covered in coal dust.

    I would have thought that mining naked would breach several H&S codes, but then the joke wouldn't work.

    Also - why aren't the rest of their bodies covered in coal dust?

  • I thought that they were?  Where does it say that the picture is of white people?
  • Does tea bagging count as 1 or 2?
  • Caz - I couldn't possibly comment image

  • Red Squirrel. wrote (see)
    Badly Drawn Blo-ho-ho-ke wrote (see)

    The joke is poking fun at pretentious art critics who made the assumption the picture is about oppression etc when all it is a picture of coal miners, one of who was made very welcome by his wife/lover when he popped home for lunch, hence why his penis is not covered in coal dust.

    I would have thought that mining naked would breach several H&S codes, but then the joke wouldn't work.

    Also - why aren't the rest of their bodies covered in coal dust?

    You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink .........................
  • The cultaral history aspect of the anecdote is interesting.  These American miners work in the nude unlike UK mines who tend to be fully clothed.

    So it would appear strip mining is more common in America.

  • That joke doesn't chime with me.  The whole scenario seems too implausible.
  • As an ex coal face miner, Fully clothed or vest and shorts would depend on which part of the mine you worked at. Some mines cane be up to 10 miles underground so the air being pumped in will get warmer as it is picked up and propelled further in by the fans on the inbye roadways. As the oxygen content only need to be a minimum of 26% some of this is used and the CO2 being warmer adds to the heat. British miners wore either shorts and vest or thin clothes when working the outbye roadways or on the coalface, and warmer stuff on the inbye roadways.Naked miners is a myth, believe me you wouldn't want to be crawling along behind the machine man or prop drawer in front if he's had a few beers after the last shift. The closer to the shaft on the inbye side the cooler it was. In winter on the downshaft it was common to have 6ft icicles on the shaft walls and on the pipes that had the pumped out water travelling up them.
  • Nicko. Hdau wrote (see)
     6ft icicles on the shaft


    Surely if there's a mining joke to be had, we should start here.

    Good stuff Nicko!

  • PhilPub wrote (see)
    That joke doesn't chime with me.  The whole scenario seems too implausible.
    You're right Phil.  Who would go home for sex with their wife during lunch?
  • SuperCaz wrote (see)
    PhilPub wrote (see)
    That joke doesn't chime with me.  The whole scenario seems too implausible.
    You're right Phil.  Who would go home for sex with their wife during lunch?
    Implausable at any time, let alone lunch..............................
  • Maybe he went home for some self lovin' or it was someones elses wife.
  • If they were Dutch miners (are there any coal seams in the Netherlands?), he may have been plugging up a dyke.
  • and why are they sitting on a park bench?  It can't be their lunch break because pink willy went home for lunch.  Surely they'll get arrested for being naked in public ..... or sacked for not being at work .... or both?

  • Obviously they wer posing for the artist.  Probably got paid more for sitting on a bench naked for a couple of minutes than they did for the whole day down the mine.
  • Badly Drawn Blo-ho-ho-ke wrote (see)
    If they were Dutch miners (are there any coal seams in the Netherlands?), he may have been plugging up a dyke.
    Would a dyke have let herself be plugged ?
  • Dave The Ex- Spartan wrote (see)
    Badly Drawn Blo-ho-ho-ke wrote (see)
    If they were Dutch miners (are there any coal seams in the Netherlands?), he may have been plugging up a dyke.
    Would a dyke have let herself be plugged ?
    Bobbis doesn't seem to mind image
  • You're making an assumption that it's a study of still life when it's a composite portrait, probably made from a series of photographs in a studio so no problems with public indecency.  Just because it's painted, doesn't mean it's not faked.

    They could of course all be nudists though, living a naturist community and having a well earned sit down at the end of a very tiring day down pit.  I just hope that the bench has been thoroughly smoothed and varnished.  No one wants a splinter in their bum.

  • Dave The Ex- Spartan wrote (see)
    Badly Drawn Blo-ho-ho-ke wrote (see)
    If they were Dutch miners (are there any coal seams in the Netherlands?), he may have been plugging up a dyke.
    Would a dyke have let herself be plugged ?
    Nice joke from a stand-up comedian we saw the other day. He tries to buy a butt plug, but can't get one the right size and ends up using a rawlplug instead. Good effect, and afterwards he can install a useful shelf round the back.
  • MikeFrog wrote (see)
    Nice joke from a stand-up comedian we saw the other day. He tries to buy a butt plug, but can't get one the right size and ends up using a rawlplug instead. Good effect, and afterwards he can install a useful shelf round the back.
    How would you get it to balance if there was only a single fixing point ?
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