Would you sign a Prenup before marriage?

This has turned into a hotly debated subject with some friends and collegues recently and wondered what everyones view on this was?

I don't just mean for the insanely rich celebrities but for us 'normal' people.

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Comments

  • I didnt - the wife is a solicitor. 

    Apparently as soon as kids arrive on the scene they arent worth much in this country; a judge will just work out the best arrangement for the welfare of the kids.

    I also like to think i would be able to agree something amicably.

  • Probably not, but then I've never really understood why anyone would want to go into marriage whilst having any doubt whatsoever that it isn't going to last.  A pre-nup just seems to be a hedge against the marriage not working out, so if you had no doubt, then why would you need it?

  • As my mate said when he got married 

     

    ' Whats mine is hers, and whats hers is hers as well'.

  • Meh. I wouldn't ask for a prenup but I wouldn't have a problem signing one either.

    I think agreements like that are of more use to unmarried couples buying a property together, especially if they have unusual/complicated financial arrangements and aren't making equal contributions to the deposit/mortgage payments but are making contributions to the household instead (e.g. paying school fees or paying all the household bills).

  • Pudge wrote (see)

    Probably not, but then I've never really understood why anyone would want to go into marriage whilst having any doubt whatsoever that it isn't going to last.  A pre-nup just seems to be a hedge against the marriage not working out, so if you had no doubt, then why would you need it?

    My thoughts exactly. 

  • E mmyE mmy ✭✭✭

    We did sign one. It's standard here (belgium).

    My reason for doing it was heaven forbid we ever divorce -I want it to be as painfree as possible and if we're bickering over allowances/money; we're just going to hate each other and I would never want that. No matter what we may become at one point in time - we loved each other so much to commit.

     

  • Emmy, that's kind of my feeling about them. I don't see it as saying "I'm giving this 10 years and then I'm leaving with half your stuff", more like "I don't want to break up, but just in case, I do want to make sure that I never end up hating you over a house"

  • Emmy H wrote (see)

    - we loved each other so much to commit.

     

    You loved each other so much to commit.........but only on the proviso that a legal document was signed in case it all goes tits up down the line.

    Now that's what I call commitment and faith! 

  • booktrunkbooktrunk ✭✭✭

    I like the idea of it making things clear cut, you know exactly what is going to happen in case you do get a divorce, but it does seem a bit clinical.

    If I had the money i'd be tempted to do one.  If I was the poor one in the relationship i'm not sure how i'd feel... image

    OK, umm err I was no help... maybe is the best i can offer... Sowwy.

  • E mmyE mmy ✭✭✭
    xine267 wrote (see)

    Emmy, that's kind of my feeling about them. I don't see it as saying "I'm giving this 10 years and then I'm leaving with half your stuff", more like "I don't want to break up, but just in case, I do want to make sure that I never end up hating you over a house"

    Exactly.

    Pudge - as I said - it's how a marriage is done here. It's not just in case of Divorce; it's also for other stuff like inheritance, debt, legal status. We've got our commitment and faith in our relationship and we'd still have that if we werent married.

    There's lots of things out there done on the 'IF' proviso. Insurance for example.

  • You MUST have a pre-nup in place when getting married in Belgium?

  • booktrunk wrote (see)

    If I had the money i'd be tempted to do one.  .

    in my admittedly limited experience of these situations it has always been women who have more than their husband who wanted a prenup. more calculating.

  • E mmyE mmy ✭✭✭
    Pudge wrote (see)

    You MUST have a pre-nup in place when getting married in Belgium?

    Basically yes. If you don't have one - you're given one anyway (50/50). Also, if you don't have one - everytime that you have a death in the family/change in situation - you have A LOT more administration to deal with so it takes up a lot of time and money in the long run.

  • I think it makes some sense, especially if there are unusual or un-eaqual financial circumstances.

    Afterall, marriage is as much a legal commitment as a commitment of love and faith in the relationship.

    And, I don't think it's all about making sure the wealthier partner going into the marriage comes out with everything in the end... it can be as much to protect the less-wealthy partner, especially if there are outside influences such as family inheritances.

     

  • Fair enough.

  • RicFRicF ✭✭✭

    Sounds like a deal breaker to me. You don't go into a marriage preparing for the divorce.

  • kaffeegkaffeeg ✭✭✭

    No one enters marriage thinking it's going to end. Whilst I'm on my first (and hopefully only!)marriage (technically civilpartnership), I was in a relationship previously (couldn't marry as it was illegal then, but would have if we were able to). That previous relationship ended. I never ever thought it would. But it did. One of the most painful things was working out who got what (cd's and photos caused the most headaches).

    Having been through that, this time we signed a letter stating what would happen if we separated. Such as everything we buy together will be spilt 50/50, but things we bought before we got together will remain the property of the person who bought it. 

    I have no intention to leavemy partner, I just know how hard these things can be and want to save the heartache should the worst happen. Both my ex and I were very caring to each other (we remain very good friends) and it was still hard to sort those things out.

    For me it's just emotional protection. One that is hopefully redundant. 

  • I am sure over 90% of couples getting married think they will be together for rest of their lives.

    The reality is though that 1 in 3 will end in divorce within 20 years so a pre nup just seems a sensible acceptance of reality to me (although I don't have one). Perhaps we should be like Belgium and that would make it a lesss sensitive thing.

    I read something along these lines once:-

    'A man gets married thinking the woman will never change.

    A woman gets married thinking she will be able to change the man.

    They both end up disappointed.'

  • Alternatively, just don't bother getting married in the first place.

  • i got married in April at the ripe old age of 24 i have no intentions of it ending at all image

    everything ive bought or she has bought is now ours. we've got the same bank account even when one earns more than tother.

    i always thought thats what marriage is all about. you are supposed to think of the future before you commit to such a big thing.

  • Well, I don't know of anyone who's signed one after marriage. Boom boom.

  • It never even occurred to me when I got married, but then the marriage wasn't that important to me.  What was important was the committment that we made to each other irrespective of whether we got married or not.  In many ways we still have that committment even though we are getting divorced.

    The same would still apply if I was to meet someone else now.  I have no intention of getting married however my personal circumstances have changed.  When I met my husband we both had nothing.  Now I (will) have some assets such as a house that I would be reluctant to pass over to a new partner - not because I don't want a partner to have them, but because I may chose to leave my assets to my biological family who have been around all of my life, rather than a partner that has been around for a few years.  If a prenup helped to clarify the financial situation in unforeseen circumstances (such as if I fell into a long term coma) then I would be interested.

    Although its all hypothetical for me anyway.

  • Are these things even legal in the UK..?

    I doubt whether they make any difference to those at the lower end of the financial status...  however, to those at the upper end there is quite possibly a good commonsense argument in their favour.  There are countless legal battles over spouces wanting a massive share of the wealth despite having only been married for a short time and had no real role in the creation of that wealth.  To some people simply 'being married' seems a good enough argument for wanting a large chunk of the kitty.

    Personally, I don't like that kind of behaviour...  

  • I would probably assess our age gap and the size of her tits before making a final call.

  • If I was the wealthier of the two by any decent amount yes 100%

  • RicFRicF ✭✭✭

    Make a new will.

  • the arguement is that if you marry someone and give them and any children a certain level of lifestyle.....then if you get bored then you should provide for them to still live the lifestyle that you introduced them to........

    I can see it to a point but i think that it probably goes to far......but if you marry someone half your age with no money but a cute butt and little brains then you deserve to be taken to the cleaners

  • There are more effective ways of achieving the same objectives. You could create a trust to hold property rather than rely on a prenup, for example. 

  • kaffeegkaffeeg ✭✭✭

    I think the point is there is no law on them, it's just a matter of how lawyers argue their case for you.

    Anyways, I'm happy with my 'letter' that I signed. None of us know what the future holds. It always amazes me when people are so confident that their relationship will not end! If only life was that certain. 

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