Howdy, Stranger!
Categories
Options
FFF Club 13/12
The materials in this website are in no way intended to replace the professional medical care, advice, diagnosis or treatment of a doctor, qualified personal trainer, therapist, dietitian or nutritionist Runners's World, Part of the Hearst UK well-being network © Copyright 2017
Comments
Nightmare!!!! How frustrating is that???
HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
1) Pick Cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of Cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As Cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow Cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and Cat from behind sofa. Cradle Cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve Cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle Cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and Cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with Cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by Cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub Cats throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve Cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap Cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on Cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
9) Retrieve Cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place Cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
10) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
11) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' Cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid Cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
12) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
13) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
14) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant Cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
pass cat pill to Mrs, go to pub, on return offer sympathy and pour G&T to console good lady
- easy, works every time (first part describes me, 2nd part doesn't)
youre all out then
Done gym, speedwork
had a lovely pasty today
And waiting for prawns to defrost s I can cook tea
Vrap, dont remember laying hands on you:)
Just a quicky as I have dinner to cook then off to hibernation.
Look after your self EP
Nice name rudolf
Hi saxplayer
Poor BBB and BBB Jr
Hi to all
JJ
Party sound s ACE, you probably neede it
Ya didnt SNOG anyone did you
BTW, do we need to bbok reading hotel?
Exciting!!!!!!!!!!
have a brilliant time
But its hard and cold in the morning, and people keep telling mre Im mad
Enjoy it
Fotgotten when you said we should hear re reading
Shall we book hotel before or after Xmas
Didi you tell them about the forum
Off to cook tea soon
The marathon will change your life