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4 July race reports

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    got out onto the bike course and the crowd reacted to my jolly-rogered AeroPringles with awe. or was it laughter?

    then i hit the first manhole cover and the slight jolt sent a plume of pringles flying into the air. i must design some sort of lid before IM Florida. (but don't tell Richard or he'll nick my idea)

    I had some pro plus and an ibuprofen to be on the safe side, and set my timer going. i have a HRM sellotaped to one side of the bar, and a countdown timer set to beep every 20 minutes (to remind me to eat) on the other. possibly i could get the HRM to countdown, but i don't understand all these new fangled gizmos so two watches it is.
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    Dear oh dear. Suddenly I remember what it was like when Northern Exposure finished and it was a whole week until the next one
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    passed loads of people on the bike. the downhills were fast, with really good visibility so you didn't have to use the brakes. top gear, tucked in tight over the aerobars and pedal hard. needs realy hard concentration though - a slight wobble and your race is over. but better to risk a broken neck than the ignomy of a rubbish time.

    i agreed with Nick afterwards that it helps having a motorbike, as it gets you used to going at speeds that most people wouldn't be comfortable with
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    JjJj ✭✭✭
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    JjJj ✭✭✭
    (that wasn't me, it was my mother. Carry on)
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    Hello, it's even funnier written down, I am going to have to purchase another internet card to do my report and the people on reception are giving me strange looks because I am laughing so much.
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    JjJj ✭✭✭
    (((((Monique!!)))))


    well done you, too!
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    Right as Andy has already said we appeared not to be the most professional duo on the Ironman circuit, and I managed to walk past the tattoists today, without going in- mainly because it was shut.
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    right up there with little and large, del and rodney, cannon and ball.....
    pinky and perky?
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    got to run an errand, more installments later, but i'm sure Mo will fill you in in the meantime
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    JjJj ✭✭✭
    She better had. There's a lot of us on this sofa, you know. Can't you pay someone to run the errand? Or at least get some more wine while you're out.
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    This is the funnniest thing I've read for ages. It has cheered me up TOTALLY!! Thank you!!
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    Right I've topped up my internet, I shall get on with a report.
    The evening before I had been shamed into forgoing beer by Don, Bill and Andy who seemed to have a different pre race diet from mine. Pity really as there was an all night party ihn the function room next to my room which wound up at 4 o'clock- we were up at quarter to. Don and I made dark plans to find out where they were sleeping and ride our bikes up and down outside whooping after we had got in from the race.
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    How I laughed bitterly at the very thought from the inertia of a hammock in the recovery zone unable even to swallow a mouthful of pizza after the race.
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    WARNING
    Right guys of a sensitive constitution may need to get a lady to edit my report as it concerns sections about womens matters.
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    JjJj ✭✭✭
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    <<pulls chair forward in case the whispering starts>>
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    JjJj ✭✭✭
    (that was me that time)
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    go on it gets better and better what about king louies womens matters?
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    JjJj ✭✭✭
    I 'spec he just picked the nicest ones to get his wetsuit off...
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    Well disaster fell the day before with me "surfing the crimson wave"- this meant extra worry about how many powderings of my nose I would have to build in to my race plan. I mean its one thing having a pee on the go put my balance and dexterity on a bike doesn't stretch beyond opening a banana with my teeth.

    Anyway I had placed various sanitary products along with huge pink ibuprofens, anti diarrhea tablets, tracker bars and iced gems in various items of kit. I was prepared.

    Down at the swim start a very irritating commentator was playing bursts of euro pop and shouting at us to put our hands in the air. I had put my goggles on with 7 minutes to go then realising that they would be steamed up by the time the race started I took them off again- big mistake as next time I didn't seal them properly.
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    MGM PROUDLY PRESENTS

    Candy and Mo

    In

    Austria

    Part Two

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    Monique

    I hope you didn't get confooooooosed at anytime!!!

    Ahem....

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    I was right near the back because I am a wuss who needs a lot of space to swim with any kind of composure, the first obstacle I hit was a yellow sign stuck up out of the water, it was fast becoming a watery bversion of one of my driving tests. About 200 metres in I had to stop to mess with my goggles, stopping 3 or 4 times before I got back to the beach and could sort it out for the next bit.
    The second section was less crowded but the field was fanned out very wide and it was a vcase of trying to make sure that an equaol amountof people were on erach side of me when I breathed, once into the canal it got easier and I had perfected the art of giving any wandering hands a sharp kick to protect my personal space.
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    groping in the water, I'd not considered that.
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    Once out of the water a quick check of my watch showed 1:21- bugger I was after 1:15 I reckoned that Andy could quite possibly be ahead of me.
    The wet suit came off easily, and I managed to pull on my Lampre kit (poser) without scattering pistaccios and lillets all over the place.
    I got my shoes on and ran to my trusty steed, and we were off.

    The swim forgotten it was time to get busy on the bike. Andy had kindly given me a bottle for the front of my bike with a big straw, only i hadn't practiced with it and cut the inside of my mouth on first use when I went over a bump.
    People were passing me more or less constantly but I was going at 19 ish mph so just had to be patient. A quick check of the ginormous calves told me a few of them weren't runners and I would probably be seeing them again.
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    'surfing the crimson wave'
    how poetic
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    The weather was hot with some head wind on a few of the downhill sections, the first lap I ate and ate and ate, the feed stations were well stocked and I started to realise how to drink without cutting my lips and how simple it was to fillo the bottle on the move.
    The support round the course was excellent with a big crowd of people on the hill, I got lots of Lampre shouts and the names of Italian cyclists (I presume) I'd never heard of, I only bought the kit because it was pink.
    The second lap was harder and I eventually saw Andy- but was he only just catching me up or had he in fact lapped me? at the turnnaround point I was sailing blizthely through to the finish so had to turn around and cycle through some spectators to get back on the course for my third lap, oops.
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    JjJj ✭✭✭
    "I only bought the kit because it was pink"


    one of my better students...
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