He examined me and he decided that the 'lumpiness' in the left breast was down to something called 'benign breast disease' which basically means I have lumpy boobs - charming!
;o)
This man, this wonderful, knowledgeable man has felt enough breasts to know what he's talking about. So, I trusted him. He asked me did I want to be scanned and I asked him did he think I needed to be...?
You recall this guy is virtually a superhero in my eyes..? He replied with "well, I dread seeing your name on my list because I know that you always know what we're dealing with here. But no, I don't think you need scanning but I do think it would put your mind at rest". So, I looked him dead in the eye and said "in that case, I trust your judgement, I'd rather not be scanned".
I don't think he could believe it.
It was the first time ever that I had placed my trust in him completely as a Dr - in the whole two years I have been seeing him. He said he felt very honoured that I would do that. I explained that after 2 years of consistency - it is hard to refute the judgement of someone who has helped you to live. He smiled.
I don't think he knew what to make of it all. Dr. Clark and I don't have a typical doctor-patient relationship - mainly because I *do* have too much knowledge and I'm bloody good at my job and bloody good at research.
So... I asked him about the stats at two years. Initially at diagnosis, the stats were rubbish. However.... it seems that I have managed to flick the finger up to now and Dr Clark agreed. We talked about the way forward from here and I asked how does the risk alter from now..? He drew me a graph - he didn't put a figure on things and he says that *my* risk for *this* form of the disease is still considerably higher than other forms - but it has reduced significantly.
Did you hear that..????
The risk of it returning hasn't diminished - but it is reduced *significantly*. I asked about timescales and he said he really didn't know. All he could tell me was that as time passes with nothing happening... the risk reduces. So, I just have to keep doing what I'm doing and hoping that it's enough. I'm not ready to let go of this life yet!
Oh... and I hung my half medal in front of his face and I have never seen a Doctor smile so broadly and I've worked with *alot* of Doctors and you know what he said..? "Some days this job, is very worthwhile"
I sat down and we talked about further appointments and what would happen from here. He started to say that he would see me in a year's time (instead of the 3 monthly appointments I am currently on). I explained to him that my thinking at the moment is that if the cancer reoccurs, that means that the initial treatment didn't work. Therefore, I don't want to have to go through any more treatment and for it to be in vain. I would rather take my chance and bust hell out of life instead. He smiled at me and sat back in his chair and he said "you're not coming back to see me are you..?" and I replied simply with "no, I'm not". He smiled again and he said that I had the numbers (home and work) and I knew what to do if I had any worries.
I shook his hand and I left. With a huge smile on my face.
I'm done with cancer.
I realise that *it* may not be done with me but fcukit, I'm sick of playing *it's* game - now it's my turn and I want to live and I refuse to live in fear.
Loonie -- it may have to be May social. I may be away at the weekend. Been thinking I need some quiet time. So... I'll pay for hell. But, I'll let you know.
this thread has to be the biggest roller coaster of them all. We don't like the scary bits but we just love it when you get to the bits that thrill the f*ck out of you. Cath mwah!
Comments
You guys (sigh)
I'm not sleeping either. I haven't really thought much about tomorrow yet - too much else going on here but I'm a little nervous.
|
Okay...
First of all...
E V E R Y T H I N G
I S
F I N E !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay so here's how it went......
He examined me and he decided that the 'lumpiness' in the left breast was down to something called 'benign breast disease' which basically means I have lumpy boobs - charming!
;o)
This man, this wonderful, knowledgeable man has felt enough breasts to know what he's talking about. So, I trusted him. He asked me did I want to be scanned and I asked him did he think I needed to be...?
You recall this guy is virtually a superhero in my eyes..? He replied with "well, I dread seeing your name on my list because I know that you always know what we're dealing with here. But no, I don't think you need scanning but I do think it would put your mind at rest". So, I looked him dead in the eye and said "in that case, I trust your judgement, I'd rather not be scanned".
I don't think he could believe it.
It was the first time ever that I had placed my trust in him completely as a Dr - in the whole two years I have been seeing him. He said he felt very honoured that I would do that. I explained that after 2 years of consistency - it is hard to refute the judgement of someone who has helped you to live. He smiled.
I don't think he knew what to make of it all. Dr. Clark and I don't have a typical doctor-patient relationship - mainly because I *do* have too much knowledge and I'm bloody good at my job and bloody good at research.
So... I asked him about the stats at two years. Initially at diagnosis, the stats were rubbish. However.... it seems that I have managed to flick the finger up to now and Dr Clark agreed. We talked about the way forward from here and I asked how does the risk alter from now..? He drew me a graph - he didn't put a figure on things and he says that *my* risk for *this* form of the disease is still considerably higher than other forms - but it has reduced significantly.
Did you hear that..????
The risk of it returning hasn't diminished - but it is reduced *significantly*. I asked about timescales and he said he really didn't know. All he could tell me was that as time passes with nothing happening... the risk reduces. So, I just have to keep doing what I'm doing and hoping that it's enough. I'm not ready to let go of this life yet!
Oh... and I hung my half medal in front of his face and I have never seen a Doctor smile so broadly and I've worked with *alot* of Doctors and you know what he said..? "Some days this job, is very worthwhile"
I sat down and we talked about further appointments and what would happen from here. He started to say that he would see me in a year's time (instead of the 3 monthly appointments I am currently on). I explained to him that my thinking at the moment is that if the cancer reoccurs, that means that the initial treatment didn't work. Therefore, I don't want to have to go through any more treatment and for it to be in vain. I would rather take my chance and bust hell out of life instead. He smiled at me and sat back in his chair and he said "you're not coming back to see me are you..?" and I replied simply with "no, I'm not". He smiled again and he said that I had the numbers (home and work) and I knew what to do if I had any worries.
I shook his hand and I left. With a huge smile on my face.
I'm done with cancer.
I realise that *it* may not be done with me but fcukit, I'm sick of playing *it's* game - now it's my turn and I want to live and I refuse to live in fear.
yay me!
In fact if you don't allow me to share a bottle of champagne with you there will be hell to pay.......
A fantastic finish to my shit day.
Love you honey.
((((((((((((((((Cath))))))))))))))))))))
Mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxXXX
Nick -- heh. Cool stuff eh.
;o)
:0)
Whenever - enjoy your weekend - it will be fun whenever!!!
L
Very good news indeed. You are definitely an inspiration.
Mwah!
From Womble and Hen who are at expo ...
That's great news.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
go Cath
fab news
xxxxxxx
Yahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!
(((Cath))) . . . fab news . . really pleased for you
can`t tell you how pleased I am for yer Caff
OB -- is it ever a bloody rollercoaster! ;o)
Hoover -- cheers!
Jakesy -- thankies ;o)
Cath I have the odd tear of happiness here mate )