I belive the mother has been to the GP but no help was offered.
She may want to help but can't bring herslef to use "tough love" on him. Strict diet is needed not molly coddling. He may have a eating disorder but has anyone followed this up?
Education for the mother, education for the boy and social serives need a kick up the ar*e for being tw8ts.
BRING BACK NATIONAL SERVICE <old codger steps of soap box and adjusts MCC tie>
I heard this mother on Radio 4 this morning. She sounded like a lot of parents I come across these days - loving, but with no concept of authority or control over her child. I don't know why this is the case now - it wasn't when I were a lass.
yep, before Christmas he weighed more than me! And I know I'm overweight but I'm also probably a little taller than he is.
I guess what I find hard to understand is how a parent can let that happen to a child, never mind whether they gave in and just fed him what he would eat rather than do the tough love, but he hasn't got into that state in the last year or so. They knew enough to go to the doctors but the mum is saying its the doc's fault for not doing anything!
And yes I have got kids, 9 and 13, they eat sweets, crisps, chips, burgers, etc, but also fruit and veg and neither of them is still for long most days (trust me they don't even sit still if they are on the play station or watching TV).
How often do I hear that so-and-so "won't eat" whatever it is that's supposed to be good for them, and that they will "only eat" whatever it is that's causing the problem.
But that's rubbish! I, for example, am not very keen on pasta. Given the choice, I would never choose it for a meal. But there's the clue - "given the choice". If there were only pasta to eat, I would eat it and thrive.
Choice is only a virtue if you are able to choose wisely. These days we have (indeed expect) loads of choice in almost everything. Wisdom, unfortunately, is a much rarer commodity.
So there are times when people have to be deprived of choice. Typically, this is when they are incapable of making the right choice. Children are often incapable of making the right choices, which is why their parents have to make those choices for them. When their parents are plainly incapable of making (or enforcing) the right choices, then someone has to step in and take appropriate action. So I think it's right that in this case social services should be getting involved.
Parents are responsible for their children until they are adults and can decide for themselves. You can't blame the child.
I agree with CM above. The child needs educating and help / guidance and that has to come from the parents who also need to get control.
Let's face it, what child of 8 yoa is going to ask for a plate of brocolli, carrots and steamed fish when they know they can have a hamburger and chips.
I wonder if the parents would allow their 8 year old to smoke cigarettes, drugs or drink alcohol, yet there seems to be no restrictions on carp food which can be just has harmful (long term).
PS... Once the child is old enough to decide for themself (adult), then the way they live their life is nothing to do with anyone else and they can take full control.
Yeah i agree..STOP GIVING HIM A CHOICE! I'd read that his mum had missed medical appointments that were aimed to help him. The way she was talking on the radio this morning it was like it was all her sons fault for eating a healthy diet rather than hers for not enforcing it or taking responsibility for what essentially she had caused. I've got 2 kids and I see it as my job to balance what they want to eat and what they have to eat as its good for them...isn't that what being a parent is all about?!!
My son is nearly 17 now and he has watched what i do. He eats healthy is aware of whats good and bad and runs regularly. I think my enjoying sport and watching my diet (in a heathly sensible way) just rubbed off.
I can see that the mum finds it hard to make him eat healthy food or give him no choice but frankly at that size there has been a long time in which she could easily have said well it's that or nothing and if he'd chosen nothing it probably wouldn't have done him any harm as long as he drank something. Worst case scenario she could have fed him diet soft drinks so that he got liquids in him and he could have eaten nothing for a week and still survived!
I don't have kids yet (not til July!) but that would be my solution.
yes, and the gran that it would finish if he was taken into care, so what was she doing about it? "its uncomfortable to reach his feet to put on his socks."
yes the mum did look depressed but the gran didn't and she was helping out a lot by the sound of it.
Seeing the home it would be very easy to stereotype but then again the daughter looked and sounded fairly "normal".
I seemed strange that they were talking about tests for a hormonal problem now when he has obviously been well ahead of the weight curve for a long time.
It sounded like they had been given advice but the mum wanted a script to work from.
You see, I'm a child abuser. A child abuser who has been desperately seeking help for her child since he was six weeks old.
A child abuser who nobody would listen to because they couldn't quite see there was anything wrong.
A child abuser who has watched her son's self esteem get lower and lower as he got fatter and fatter although as in chicken/egg not really sure which came first.
A child abuser who turns up for every appointment.
A child abuser who now they think something is wrong but not quite sure what has to sit and read stuff like this and watch programmes like that.
A child abuser who maybe should request that her child is taken into care because it's obviously all my fault!!!!
My son's diectician agrees that unles sthe underlying cause is dealt with, his eating problems will get worse.
I try bloody hard not to buy crap but guess what my clever sausage did? He learned to cook. Short of locking cupboards or only buying food as and when we need it, I'm not sure what to do.
Diectician advises me that he must be allowed to eat what other children are allowed to eat otherwise he will eat in secret (and develop an eating disorder). Well, I think we're almost there because he's now begun to not want people to see him eat. I absolutely despair. Teachers, children other adults ... all make totally insensitve comments and think that by not having a weight problem themselves they are so qualified to judge us!
I so wish I could be like all of you and sit there in judgement but instead I have to sit here and feel guilty and wonder how I could have got everything so absolutely terribly wrong when all I ever did was love.
the case in question is going to raise some interesting questions regarding child care, this is the tip of an iceberg of where the "state" steps in to protect children.
What about the opposite case, kids driven to anorexia by parents?
Why do you say kids driven to anorexia by parents?
I spend all my life trying to make my kid believe that it's okay to be who he is. He feels he's not okay. When he was 4/5 he was a bit podgy and people called him fat. Kids called him fat. Adults called him fat. Guess what, he got fat.
Now he's fat and he worries what people think about him and feels they stare at him when he eats so now he doesn't want to eat where people can see him ... I can see where this is heading but the people that stood in judgement of my merely podgy 4 or 5 year old are also going to tell me it's my fault when he develops bulimia or anorexia!!!
I can't tell you how upset I feel.
For the record both his dad and myself were fat kids who grew into beautiful, slim adults. Who's to say the pattern isn't going to repeat itself? I thought comments made about my weight as a child were damaging to my confidence and self esteem but what's being said now is far worse for these kids.
If they could just be allowed to be happy in the skin they live in, they might not feel the need to comfort eat.
Comments
That child abuse?
I belive the mother has been to the GP but no help was offered.
She may want to help but can't bring herslef to use "tough love" on him. Strict diet is needed not molly coddling.
He may have a eating disorder but has anyone followed this up?
Education for the mother, education for the boy and social serives need a kick up the ar*e for being tw8ts.
BRING BACK NATIONAL SERVICE
<old codger steps of soap box and adjusts MCC tie>
A fecking lot!
I guess what I find hard to understand is how a parent can let that happen to a child, never mind whether they gave in and just fed him what he would eat rather than do the tough love, but he hasn't got into that state in the last year or so. They knew enough to go to the doctors but the mum is saying its the doc's fault for not doing anything!
And yes I have got kids, 9 and 13, they eat sweets, crisps, chips, burgers, etc, but also fruit and veg and neither of them is still for long most days (trust me they don't even sit still if they are on the play station or watching TV).
But that's rubbish! I, for example, am not very keen on pasta. Given the choice, I would never choose it for a meal. But there's the clue - "given the choice". If there were only pasta to eat, I would eat it and thrive.
Choice is only a virtue if you are able to choose wisely. These days we have (indeed expect) loads of choice in almost everything. Wisdom, unfortunately, is a much rarer commodity.
So there are times when people have to be deprived of choice. Typically, this is when they are incapable of making the right choice. Children are often incapable of making the right choices, which is why their parents have to make those choices for them. When their parents are plainly incapable of making (or enforcing) the right choices, then someone has to step in and take appropriate action. So I think it's right that in this case social services should be getting involved.
Parents are responsible for their children until they are adults and can decide for themselves. You can't blame the child.
I agree with CM above. The child needs educating and help / guidance and that has to come from the parents who also need to get control.
Let's face it, what child of 8 yoa is going to ask for a plate of brocolli, carrots and steamed fish when they know they can have a hamburger and chips.
I wonder if the parents would allow their 8 year old to smoke cigarettes, drugs or drink alcohol, yet there seems to be no restrictions on carp food which can be just has harmful (long term).
PS... Once the child is old enough to decide for themself (adult), then the way they live their life is nothing to do with anyone else and they can take full control.
parents need to stop blaming others ie the
gp
what a strange strange world we live in
poor kid
even if he's a medical condition
STOP FEEDING HIM SO MUCH FOOD!
I don't have kids yet (not til July!) but that would be my solution.
Kryten: "Yes, and that person was you."
see the programme is a good idea, but methinks my opinion wont change drastically
hope he gets whatever help he needs and his family
see ya
Kryten u hit the nail on the head
off to warm the tele up
Having her kid paraded in front of the UK media won't help, I'm thinking.
Seeing the home it would be very easy to stereotype but then again the daughter looked and sounded fairly "normal".
I seemed strange that they were talking about tests for a hormonal problem now when he has obviously been well ahead of the weight curve for a long time.
It sounded like they had been given advice but the mum wanted a script to work from.
You see, I'm a child abuser. A child abuser who has been desperately seeking help for her child since he was six weeks old.
A child abuser who nobody would listen to because they couldn't quite see there was anything wrong.
A child abuser who has watched her son's self esteem get lower and lower as he got fatter and fatter although as in chicken/egg not really sure which came first.
A child abuser who turns up for every appointment.
A child abuser who now they think something is wrong but not quite sure what has to sit and read stuff like this and watch programmes like that.
A child abuser who maybe should request that her child is taken into care because it's obviously all my fault!!!!
My son's diectician agrees that unles sthe underlying cause is dealt with, his eating problems will get worse.
I try bloody hard not to buy crap but guess what my clever sausage did? He learned to cook. Short of locking cupboards or only buying food as and when we need it, I'm not sure what to do.
Diectician advises me that he must be allowed to eat what other children are allowed to eat otherwise he will eat in secret (and develop an eating disorder). Well, I think we're almost there because he's now begun to not want people to see him eat. I absolutely despair. Teachers, children other adults ... all make totally insensitve comments and think that by not having a weight problem themselves they are so qualified to judge us!
I so wish I could be like all of you and sit there in judgement but instead I have to sit here and feel guilty and wonder how I could have got everything so absolutely terribly wrong when all I ever did was love.
What about the opposite case, kids driven to anorexia by parents?
is it your fault Minty?
Why do you say kids driven to anorexia by parents?
I spend all my life trying to make my kid believe that it's okay to be who he is. He feels he's not okay. When he was 4/5 he was a bit podgy and people called him fat. Kids called him fat. Adults called him fat. Guess what, he got fat.
Now he's fat and he worries what people think about him and feels they stare at him when he eats so now he doesn't want to eat where people can see him ... I can see where this is heading but the people that stood in judgement of my merely podgy 4 or 5 year old are also going to tell me it's my fault when he develops bulimia or anorexia!!!
I can't tell you how upset I feel.
For the record both his dad and myself were fat kids who grew into beautiful, slim adults. Who's to say the pattern isn't going to repeat itself? I thought comments made about my weight as a child were damaging to my confidence and self esteem but what's being said now is far worse for these kids.
If they could just be allowed to be happy in the skin they live in, they might not feel the need to comfort eat.