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Disabled and desperate

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    Oh Patootie, what a sad childhood! It sounds so dour, and restrictive, and so lacking in either fun or joy. It's amazing that you didn't do anything worse than marry the wrong man. Most people would have really gone over the deep end after that kind of upbringing!

    What is truly amazing is that you have become such a warm, kind, humorous, understanding and perceptive person. You must have thought very hard about things at some time, because you had a big gulf to bridge there between who you had been brough up to be and who you really are. How sad most of all for your parents, who seem to have missed virtually all the fun of having a family. Probably they had their own limited upbringing, it seems to go on like that.

    On a happier note, I'm glad the birds are able to come and warm their toes at your window image)) Over here, where it's been so cold, we've been putting out food every day---the fat balls and nuts and so on, but over the last few days really anything else we could find as well: outdated boxes of breakfast cereal, handfuls of bread, leftover pastry. When it's this cold they are glad to have anything extra.

    But the weather is breaking now: it's windy and raining. I just hope it warms up pretty fast, so that the rain doesn't freeze lying on the cold ground, then it's slippery and treacherous on the cycle paths .But the last few days have been so lovely, it's been worth it! Just wish I could ice skate so I could go out on the canals and lakes like everyone else in the country! I'm going to see if I can learn.... (famous last words...)

    When does your training for residents' representative start? And do you have any idea what that will involve???

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    <calls loudly>

    PaTOOOtieee, where aaaaare you????

    You doing all right up there?

    Here we have gone from frozen and bright to damp and grey. But it's not long now til the first signs of spring will appear, so no complaints! But you were talking about the skating, and today is the 100th anniversary of the Friesche Elf Steden, the society that organises the Elfstedentocht whenever it freezes hard enough. This is a 200 km skating tour that goes across country on frozen canals and touches on 11 cities in the north of the country. The winners finish in about 7 hours (average speed: 30 kph), and there is a cutoff at 12 hours. Since they are skating in VERY cold conditions (the last time they held it, in 1997, they set off in temperatures of -28 C with a hard wind) and they spend the first 2 or 3 hour skating in pitch dark, with only head torches, it is not for the fainthearted. If you like this sort of thing, have a look at the pictures on this site:

    http://www.rtl.nl/(/actueel/rtlnieuws/binnenland/articleview/)/components/actueel/rtlnieuws/2007/01_januari/04/binnenland/0104_slideshow_Elfstedentocht.xml

     It's in Dutch, but you will get the idea!

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    I'm here .. I'm here ... image .. just having one of my 'awkward' weeks .. sleep patterns all to crock .. tired all day .. but can't sleep at night .. flippin' fibro .. sometimes I could get 'quite cross' .. next week I shall probably find I can't keep awake .. image

    That's a long way to skate isn't it .. interesting photos from the war years .. for some reason I instantly thought of the Dutch Resistance .. and how they probably used the canals to move people and supplies around .. very brave people ..

    Interestingly we have just had a dramatisation of the Anne Frank Diary on BBC TV ... I first read her story Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl as a teenager when I also was a teenager .. I was deeply moved by it .. it's a 'voice' for the hundreds of poor souls who were in similar terrible circumstances throughout the war ..

    The BBC dramatisation included interviews from some of the people who helped the Franks .. and a very poignant interview from Mr Frank made shortly before his death. Sigh ... how could such 'madness' ever have happened .. !

    One fine warm summer many years ago I was sat on a bench in Leicester Square waiting for my then partner to bring back some ice creams .. I sat next to an elderly gentleman who was in his shirt sleeves .. by chance I saw the faded tattooed number on the inside of his wrist .. I couldn't help but stare .. in my mind a whirling kaleidoscope of terrible images took my breath away .. unbidden  hot tears fell .. I stuttered an apology for my rudeness in staring .. told him I was humbled to meet with him .. he took my hand .. thanked me 'for knowing' ... and then with great dignity slowly walked off  ... that's one of my most treasured lifes moments ..

    Sorry .. that was all rather 'dark' wasn't it .. and all that from seeing folks skating on the canals .. I'd have loved to learn to skate .. and ski .. must be huge fun just gliding along .. a chance to dress up in nice warm clothes .. and of course nice warming drinks afterwards ... heheeh

    Of course I am far too afraid of falling or pulling muscles these days to try any 'extreme' sports .. anything more than a few minutes gently 'warm up' exercises is enough for me .. but I am slowly starting to do more each month .. walking a bit further .. walking a bit faster .. trying to move my sluggard body about a bit more .. little by little I am seeing some progress .. and more importantly my 'recovery' times from exercise are becoming shorter .. just a year ago tackling 2-3 steps would mean I was in pain and stiff for 2-3 days .. now that's down to 2-3 hours ... what a difference .. image

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    Patootie. what a grand post---how do you do it, when the fibro is going haywire? I hope it's settled down by now, anyhow.

    Your story about meeting that man in the park was wonderful. I will remember it. Your recognition of what he had experienced, and your willingness to acknowledge it, must have meant a great deal to him. I don't think people who went through the war were ever really the same afterwards, no matter what their involvement was.

    One of the most dignified and admirable things about the Netherlands is that they never forget, but they don't get tangled up in a lot of words. 5 May is the date the country was liberated, and the evening before 4 May, is the 'doodenherdenking'--the remembrance of the dead. There is a very impressive national obeservance in the Dam in Amsterdam, pretty much like what we do at the Cenotaph, but what's more moving is that in almost every village and town in the country there are local observances. In my village there is a 'stille tocht', a silent procession: we gather in one of the lanes about 7.30 pm, and then set off toward the local war memorial. The civic dignitaries are there, and there are representatives from the military services, the Red Cross etc, but the majority of the 400+ people are just normal citizens: old people who can still remember the war, people like us who grew up afterwards, children who are told about it so they don't forget. We walk in silence the quarter mile or so to the war memorial, where a band is waiting. They play suitably sober music (including some of the well known hymns like 'Abide With Me' which has Dutch words) while people file slowly past the monument, most stopping to lay flowers, everything from formal wreaths from societies to handfuls of flowers from gardens. At 8 pm precisely the band plays the national anthem and there is a 3 minute silence. Sometimes the mayor gives a short address, usually directed to the children, and then people walk back to their cars or bikes and go home. There is no florid oratory, no attempt to blame people or perpetuate bitterness, just an acknowledgement of what happened and a determination that it must never happen again.

    Dear me, not sure how I got off on that. But in some way it's a fitting counterpart to Mr C's listening to the concert for the Obama inauguration. That feels like the change of an era to me, and cderatinly no one has ever taken on the job of US president with a heavier legacy to struggle with.  Nobody knows what he'll make of it, but I surely wish him well.

    And how great that your fitness is coming on! With the fibro being so touchy I know you have to be very careful, but it's a VERY good sign that your recovery times are getting so much shorter. That's a very important indication that your fitness really is improving. And hopefully once the spring comes, you will have the chance to get out a bit more and that will give some new opportunities to do nice things too.

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    <gives usual melifluous call>

    PaTOOOtie, where AAAARE you? You OK up there? Or is the fibro on the march again? If it is, then don't even THINK of posting til you feel better!

    But when you DO feel better, do drop in and let us know what's going on. Have you been watching the inauguration and all that? We've just seen it. I'm sure Obama was the best candidate, and I wish him very well in what is a truly superhuman task. That said, I found his speech quite disappointing, though I'm not sure why.

    Anyway, look in when you feel like it, OK? We miss you! xx

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    image I was here just nudiustertian ... yet I can hear the eerie echoing ullulations of a distraught room mate .. now I don't mean to honeyfuggle you too much ... but I am always goshbustified when you miss me .. image

    And just a thought ... if two negatives make a positive, how many positives does it take to make a negative? image

     Hehhehehhahahahhhhhehhehhhh !!!!

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    Just come back from my first 'big' meeting .. I seem to have 'volunteered' for two new 'tasks' .. image

    Firstly I am the new Voluntary Estate Inspector for my sheltered housing complex image .. sounds a lot grander than it really is .. I just get to know when all the services and contractors should arrive .. like the window cleaner, gardening, cleaners etc ... and 'loosely' make checks they have been and done a good job .. no different to what you would do in your own home when you pay for services ..  image

    And secondly .. I am going to get a little bit more involved in how the actual letting process works .. mainly using my own experiences of moving .. working with my own housing people and the local council .. and just to help make it a better experience mainly for elderly or disabled people .. image

    And that's about as much as I want to get involved in for the time being .. plenty to keep me busy and to get my teeth into .. but nothing so demanding that it will become a nuisance .. or cause me any 'other' problems .. image

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    YYYAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!

    I am really excited .. I have just ordered an electric bathlift .. image

    Bathlift ... not something I ever thought I would get excited about .. but having searched for weeks and weeks to find the right product I can say .. I have found it ... at a stonkingly good price ..and I am very excited about it  image

     http://www.betterlifehealthcare.com/view_product.php?prodID=6226

    It goes really low into the water .. less than 2.5" high (most are around 4-5") ... and rises to a 'near normal' seating height of 19" (most are between 12-15") .. this means I will feel really safe getting up from the bathlift. It also slpits into two pieces .. which means I can easily remove it to clean the bath properly and more importantly take it with me if I take a few days away .. and this also means I no longer have to pay 'extra' just to get disabled rooms with a shower .. image

    You know I really will have to start a new thread ... I feel so different to that poor 'wretched'  woman who felt so lost and emotional .. I think it's time to 'divorce' her and start afresh ... anyone got any suggestions for the new thread name ??

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    Oh, Patootie, what a lot of great news! It's brilliant that the housing people have recognised your intelligence and talent and are making use of it. Seeing that services are being provided properly is essential  for effective administration, and you are sharp-eyed and sensible and will know if things are being done as they should be.

    And I really loved the idea of your helping other people with the moving process. It's always an upheaval to move, and for elderly or disabled people, who may be rather sad about leaving their homes, it must be very trying indeed.  Having someone with the experience and imagination to help make it as easy as possible will mean more to them than they will be able to say.

    Aaaand a snazzy new bath lift! They can make SUCH a difference to people who don't feel secure clambering in and out, but I had never realised you could actually take them with you when you travel. What a liberation!

    I can entirely understand why you feel it's time to start a new thread---you have come such a long way that the old title definitely doesn't fit any more! So what's the opposite of 'Disabled and desperate'? 'Abled and optimistic' sounds a bit lumpy, I feel! 'Capable and purposeful' makes you sound like a particularly terrifying matron of a large hospital: and while you would no doubt have been superb in that role, you aren't quite so intimidating in your present incarnation, thank goodness. What about something like 'Moving right along'? Let me think about this---but if I know you, you'll already have the right title in your mind.

    The only thing is, MAKE SURE WE KNOW THE NEW NAME SO WE CAN FIND YOU!!!!!!!

    Lawks, it's 1.15 am, time for me to go to bed! Sleep tight, Patootie,---and feel really, really good about yourself, because all these exciting developments are entirely down to YOU!!!!

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    image .. I must have felt the vibes of you posting .. came in just 5 minutes behind you .. allowing for the one hour time difference of course  image

    image I don't think I explained my 'helping with the letting' part very well .. I am going to be helping revise the actual 'paperwork process' of searching for and being selected for a flat .. I wouldn't be allowed to help folks personally .. but if we can make the process better .. that will help folks and their families .. image

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    Oooh, telepathy. I love it. I have it with one or two of my closest friends, always startles me but it's nice.

    I think the paperwork is often the most daunting part of a move, especially for people who may feel hesitant about their dealings with authority, often from having been in a vulnerable position for some time. They can be terrified of making a mistake because for them the consequences can be so serious. So I STILL say: involving you is a briliant idea.

    And by the way: one of the reasons you have the determination and energy to do all this is because even if the fibro keeps you off the road now, in your heart you're still a runner! Don't forget that, you earned that honourable title!

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    Been thinking about the new thread title ... how about ...

     "New lifestyle  - Feeling good - Moving on"

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    YESSSSSS!!!!!!!

    Love it, and so much more suitable for who you are now!!!!

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    In your first post under your new title you had better give a little summary for newcomers image)))))
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    Right ,, have to work on a precis of 'the struggle' .. and make links from old to new .. and new to old image

    Just need to think about it a bit more image

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    <waits eagerly, scanning the Beginners Forum for snappy new thread>

    Go for it, Patootie!

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    image I am bidding farewell to this thread ... it all started out as a pathetic cry for help .. but so much has changed for me over the last year that I am no longer the same .. 'sad and desperate' person ... I am cheerful .. motivated .. and 'moving on' in life ...

     So the time has come to start a new thread ...

    http://www.runnersworld.co.uk/forum/forummessages.asp?dt=4&UTN=135974&last=1&V=6&SP=

     "New lifestyle  - Feeling good - Moving on" image

    I hope you will come with me on my journey to better things .. and who knows what's going to happen next ... image

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