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IM France Race Reports
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Swim...
I ferking hate swimming. Fortunately I met Symes who is also she ite so we entered the water together at the gun, shook hands and battled our way past the sea of flipflops and out to sea. It was like all in wrestling out there, even in the back! I got kicked in the face, swam over pulled, ducked and punched. And that was just by Symes! Sighting was impossible, but as Symes has said the beauty of being rubbish is following everyone else, which is more or less what I did. The second lap I got headbutted by a geezer who sighted the beach then randomly swam away from it and into me. What a plum. Anyhow I got back to the beach at about 1.32 which was amazing, automatically elevates me to master swim god and means I owe Squish a tenner cos she beat me by about 45 seconds. Grrrrr!
Bike...
I had spent some time on Saturday working out where my bike was in transition, only to discover I need not have bothered cos there were only about 6 bikes in there when I got out the changing tent. Cela Vie as they say. Got on with it with a quick wave to Da Pirate massive init, and headed up the road. I soon was at the first steep climb, which felt a lot more than 10% to me? Maybe the heat made it worse, cos it was bloody hot. The writing all over the road was wicked however and I got to the top ok to be met by Kanga who had punctured twice. I decided it was in the pirate spirit to offer assistance so I stopped and spent a stupid amount of time getting a spare tube out to leave Kanga. Stone me a mile on I meet Holly G with a thrown chain. She had however pulled some French dude who was examining her little ring (fnar) so I kept going, took a bite of power bar and yakked up. Spent the next 20k up the huge climb taking on fluid and decided mentally to bin it at the top and claim a technical fault and go home, thats what IM does to you, takes you lower than low sometimes. Fortunately I fought the demons off and continued at a decent pace, passing a few pirates enroute and having a few seconds chat here or there. I then got to 120k where the pirate supporters were, cycled past them one legged and got a cramp in the other leg! Derrrr! Anyhow I was into the downhills then, I hammered them to buggery, Flat out all the way down, it was terrific, I must have passed about 150 riders descending. Caught Crashie about 5 miles out from T2 and wobbled back in, A quick wave to yet more pirate supporters and in to T2.
Yeah Bassy get a wriggle on son. I've just been forced to enter Lanza while I've been waiting!!
Lanz you were.
Run....(ish)
I was shot! I decided Crash could not be far behind to I would wait for him in T2 and run with him, so I put me feet up and ordered in coffee, Unfortunately he bowled in far too quickly, and for some reason actually appeared to want to go on the run course. I thought this a thoroughly bad idea and advised against it, but he pointed out he had 2 pirate points and therefore was highest ranking officer. Bollocks!
So off we went, we ran to the first aid station then walked , then run nearly to the next aid station and walked through that and a bit further. It seemed to be taking some time so we amused ourselves by practising synchronised arrrggghing to the supporters, and got quite good at it. Then the Hamster pointed out we were actually feeling ok, so we needed someone else to feel ill . Luck was in as we collected Calf, so we knew that at least one of us would feel ill at any given point and we wouldnt have to run at all. NICE! Before we knew it it was lap four, Crashie developed a strange inclination to jog, but I cunningly discovered my gangly legs could walk at the same speed as his run, so I let him get on with jogging and wandered alongside him like Madonnas bodyguards, but less well paid. I did however manage to jog past the support which was immense, and I did notice my mum had cunningly added herself to Da massive, but not told them! Sweet! Cant honestly remember too much about finishing but it was good. Probably.
After.....
Found mum, who said pirates swear too much but are the most tops supporters in the world, no arguements there.
Went to bed. Fell into coma
Thanks to all of you , supporters afferletes, everyone. You are all ace.
Im off to me own bed.
Oh and Im the most smiley pirate. So there. And Im off to make tea in me pirate mug!
Use a pencil Mel!!
Bassy - top report mate - and definitely the most pirate looking in the photos.
Nice report Bassy
IMS you can add me to that list with my blessing now ;o)
Personally my current training of choice appears to be German Pilsner, a packet of full size (none of them mini-fckrs) Cheddars and the leftovers of me daughter's b'day cake. Fuel of Gods. I bet CM's bricking it if he's reading this on his turbo!
As you were.
Don't think he's back yet from his weekly club 100 TT in mandatory gay green lycra.
10K run and 30 min swim in this evening - bring on the lava!
I cycled 2 miles into town today and nearly died
I felt better on the way home though after a few glasses of wine
CRAB on a list - well there's a thing
Fabulous race reports everybody! I so wish we could have been there supporting but reading these almost (not) makes up for it! We won't miss next year.......
Please keep them coming and feed my Pirate race report habit.
along with my fragrant wetsuit, I dont have the stomach for either
I took my pee sodden bike shoes out of the box today - bleurgh. They're in the washing machine now, you'll be pleased to hear.
I washed my wetsuit in the shower before I left as I'm not daft
Watched swim, got a bit burned, cycled half mile, fell off, got more burned, watched more racing (term applied loosely) got considerably more burned, took off buff, discovered half head white half purple, mucho laughter, went to bed SNORED LIKE A FERKING HERD OF WILDERBEAST..... AGAIN. Woke up with sunstroke.
there you go
heeheeheeeheeee!
Just generally. At everyone.
¦oD