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Pakistan are predicting plenty of gold medals in London 2012 Olympics.
Apperntley they are expecting medals in sailing, rowing, swimming, kayaking.......
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.
"Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.
"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.
Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.
There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week, along with a bottle of gin, and occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's who I want to talk to," said the inspector, “the half-wit."
"That'll be me then," said Paddy.
LOL Blisters!
The Pope was interviewed by FHM Magazine when he was over recently and asked what grooming products he used.
'Haribo and Smarties usually work fine.' He replied!
Ken Dodds dads dogs dead!
I ran an apple pie factory. It went bust because the turnover was crap.
It's like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order.
Just like they're supposed to be.
Why does Noddy wear a hat with a bell on it?
Cos he's a twat!
Genius, I say genius!
Ah, the Chimp is back
I've just downloaded the koran off the internet !
Anyone want me to burn them a copy ??????
I'm not worried though, I think it was a draft.
Horse drawn carriages.
Its not the whinnying but the taking cart!
I plan to sell the secret to Dettol.
Did you hear about the hen who thought she was a waitress?
She went to lay an egg and ended up laying the table.
I hate all this terrorist business.
I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train and think,
‘I’ll have that!’
He was a bit quirky though, he used to wear inflatable shoes.
Unfortunatly he popped his clogs......
I was confused, I'd never met herbivore.
He said, "I piy the fool."
I said, "Hey, you missed a T."
A favourite from the great Tommy Cooper:
I went to my local gym the other day and said to the instructor "I'd like you to teach me how to do the splits"
So he asked me how flexible I was and I said "Well,I can't do Tuesdays".